addictive

- Unheard Songs ¹ -

Word Count: 747

Summary: Y/n finds Sirius' song book and finds three songs he has never shared with her.

Trigger Warning: None

Author's Note: the writings in italics are lyrics and underlined are Sirius's notes.

Important: I don't own any songs in the story all rights go to the respective singers!

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Y/n and Sirius recently moved in together, the couple had been dating for quite a while now. And decided it was best for them to move in as soon as they graduate Hogwarts, and that's what they did.

Y/n was currently unpacking Sirius' bags, while he was in the shower. While Y/n was unpacking Sirius' bags, she found a book with the the title 'Sirius' escape book'. Y/n looked at the book, thinking whether to look what's inside. Finally, curiousity took the best of her and she decided to look what's inside.

On the first page, 'Story Of My Life In form Of Songs' was written.

Y/n always knew sirius was a fond of music and loved to write, but she never knew he had a book. Most of the songs that sirius wrote, y/n knew them, for he loved to sing for her.

Y/n was about to close the notebook when three pages fell out of the notebook. The girl picked them up and found three songs, from three different years. Unlike the other songs in the book these ones had notes written beneath each lyric, as if telling what each line meant.

The girl sat down on the bed and took the first piece of paper in her hand.

Friday,

May 23rd, 1975.

SILENCE

Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter (Fighter)
'Cause all my life, I've been fighting
Never felt a feeling of comfort
All this time, I've been hiding

I have been fighting all my life, from my mother, my father and my so-called-perfect toxic pureblood family and cousins, I am tired, whenever I am at Grimmauld Place, I am always hiding in my room so I don't have to face my mother.

And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah
I'm so used to sharing
Love only left me alone
But I'm at one with the silence

I never had someone in my life who truly loved me and believed in me, sure I have the marauder's by my side who are more like my family than my own family is, but still somewhere inside me I want them, my family to love me, unconditionally like Mrs. Potter loves James. But that's not possible because instead of a mother I have a bitch in my life. And I can't do anything about it but stay silent.

I've found peace in your violence
Can't tell me there's no point in trying
I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long, oh

I have been hit by my family alot of times, at first it used to hurt physically and emotionally, but now not anymore, I find peace when I push them to that extent. At first I used to stay quite, reg used to tell me to shut up and not speak against them, but I won't say quite no more, I have been quite for too long, their thoughts are vile and cruel.

I'm in need of a savior (Savior)
But I'm not asking for favors
My whole life, I've felt like a burden
I think too much, and I hate it.

I want, no I need someone to come and save me from this hell of a house. But how can I ask for such a favour, when all I ever did was ask everyone to help me and give me favours. I never let my parents' words to get to my head, but sometimes I feel like they are right and I am nothing but a burden, I have started to think that maybe everything they say is right? Maybe I am nothing but a Disappointment. I should stop overthinking my head hurts now.

I'm so used to being in the wrong
I'm tired of caring
Loving never gave me a home
So I'll sit here in the silence

I feel like whatever I do is wrong, that I can't ever do anything right, that I can never be loved. That no one will ever love me or take care of me, so it's better of I stop seeking for love and care and just sit in silence.

Tears were streaming down y/n's face as she finished reading Sirius' words. She obviously knew his family situation, but reading his words made her feel like she was present, with him during that time, his words made her realise, how much sirius was hurting at that time. And she was so glad those times were over, and that he decided to speak up for himself, and leave the hell house...