What Should Have Been From The Beginning

Come Back

*Play this song first whilst reading then switch. Trust me.*

DEREK'S POV

All I could think about as I started to run down to hallway to be in the presence of the my soulmate, was exactly her. I thought about her features and how I saw them before this tragedy. Her porcelain skin. Her button nose that sat in the centre of her delicate, rosy cheeks. Her mesmerising, enticing, dreamy, green eyes that lit up whenever she saw me. I remembered every intricate detail and even though you can never prepare yourself to see your only true love dead, I did what I could and I knew she would be in a heavenly place rather than this cruel world that had cursed her so much. I reached the door and ran in immediately, barging through the police and paramedics. My hands flew over my mouth, sweat started dripping from my pores and drowning the surface of my skin, my clammy hands had began uncontrollably shaking, all as my eyes searched the unusually, for a robbery, put together room that was haunted by trauma and tragedy. There was no sign of her anywhere. No trace of her body. Or blood. No gun. No mess. Almost as if there had never been an incident. As if I had walked into the room to go to sleep next to Meredith. Confusion initially engulfed my thoughts and I wandered around frantically trying to find her. If it was her. Then I began to become unsure of whether or not this was actually the room that Meredith had been staying in and had the hysterics taken over my thoughts. That was until I made my way in to the bathroom. The pristine white, marble, bright as the day, room that homed a sickening, unwelcome spirit and air. Then I looked down and there she was. On the floor of the shower. Curled up in a ball, hugging her legs with one arm and the other holding up the towel underneath her. Her back was arched over but her lower spine rested against the tiles. The glass pane didn't cover anything. Not her. Not her pain. Her eyesight was completely focused ahead in front of her. She didn't orientate her view to me walking in but instead vigoursly and alarming stared at the wall in her direct vision. Her face held no expression and her porcelain skin now showed a blue tint. 

I wanted more than anything, to run up to her and hold her in my arms and never let go as a huge weight was lifted from my chest. I wanted to keep her warm and comfort her. But I could see and I assumed after what she just went through maybe launching myself onto her physically and emotionally, probably wasn't the way to go. She needed protecting and comforting in another way. My heart ached for the woman I love. It only beat for her but right now, it was slowing down because seeing her in so much pain, slowly killed me. I carefully made my way to her, hoping she would allow me to help her in any way I could. Her cheeks were draped in tears and as I came closer, still with no acknowledgement from her, my heart broke all over again. She flinched as I edged just slightly closer and she subtly moved back even though there was nowhere for her to move to. Not wanting her to feel anymore uncomfortable, I sat down on the floor in front and waited. Seconds after, disrespectfully, 2 police officers walked into the bathroom and told us we needed to get out of the room. They had to investigate the matter they said. I was so angry at them for being so emotionless and holding no sympathy or empathy as to what was happening. Like I had before, I yelled at them telling them to get the hell out and leave us alone. 

I knew that we shouldn't be in here still. Meredith shouldn't be in this room anymore. She needed rid of any obvious reminders but from viewing her constant state of numbness and terror, there was no chance she was going to walk out herself. Knowing it was my job to keep her safe and protect her, knowing it was always going to my job, I tried my luck and hoped that all the love I had given and could give her would hold some meaning in this moment and even for a split second she would trust me. Edging my way closer and closer to her, bit by bit, I noticed a calmness around me had eloped and I sensed she would let me nearer. Holding her trust, I bent down next to her on the shower floor, gently placed my arm under her knees and the other around her back, making sure to protect her modesty and privacy, and lifted her up into my arms. She was in my safety now. In my comfort. She was in her safe place and as soon as her body touched my chest, she pulled her arm from under her and placed it around my neck. Her head dropped onto my shoulder and her everlasting, crystal clear tears gowned her skin more and more. Her body became limp and weak. Her sobs started to become heard only to my ears, since our bodies were so close. There were goose bumps surfacing the entirety of her skin and I whispered consoling words into her ear to reassure her she was safe.

'Meredith, you're okay. I've got you. You're safe. Breathe okay? You need to breathe. I love you. You're so loved.' 

I carried her like a baby who was helpless, out of the bathroom and out of the other door, into the hallway and then into a private room where there was only us two present. The room was completely opposite from the previous and resembled nothing of the sort. Her hair was damp and her shivering body was covered only by a white towel. I carried her to the bed and laid her down, not wanting to let go of her ever. I pulled a blanket from the end of the bed over her to warm her and then climbed straight back in next to her and gathered her in my arms once again. She hadn't spoken a word or made a single noise since I found her. Her shock and state of being numb hadn't disappeared nor had her tears or bloodshot eyes. I picked up her head and put in on my chest. I put one arm under her body and the other over her. Her knees were still up near her chest. We both laid in a deafening yet now peaceful silence. She was finally in my arms, not the way she should have been but I knew now nobody could touch her again. I placed a kiss onto the top of her head, kissing her over and over to fill her with true love and then heard what I wanted to. Her voice sent me into a state of tranquillity and hearing her soft whimper, gave me a tiny bit of hope that she was still in there somewhere. 

'Derek.' She whimpered softly and then pushed her knees down from her chest and wrapped them in between mine, whilst pushing her body even closer to mine so that her heart was on my chest and her lips were pressed to my neck. Her hold became tighter around my limbs. And from that I knew she felt safe in my company.