the wilds • toni shalifoe

Day Twenty & Twenty One

The night of day nineteen everyone was quiet. No one said a word as they watched Lana sleep.  They were all shaken up at what had went down the hour before.

"You told them that you didn't mean to cut so deeply, but before you said that you wouldn't have done what you did if you had any hope left. Were you trying to commit suicide or no?" Dr. Faber asked.

"I think maybe subconsciously. I don't know. In that moment it was like I had no control." Lana lifted up her sleeve and put her arm on the table, showing them her scar.

"If it weren't for Nora I would be dead right now... but sometimes I can't help but wonder if that would've been better. All my life I'd been told that if you kill yourself you go to hell, and that always terrified me. I was willing to take the risk if it meant that the pain would just be...gone," Salty tears rolled down Lana's face as she put her arm away.

"Do you still feel that way? Are you having suicidal thoughts?" Dr. Faber questioned in a soft voice. "Not really, especially not since the medication change," Lana responded making the two men smile slightly.

"Thank you Lana for explaining what happened. That can't be easy," Agent Young spoke. "Yeah well it probably wasn't any less traumatizing for the rest of the girls," Lana murmured, ashamed of herself, looking down.

"What are you thinking right now?" Dr. Faber interrogated. "The look on everyone's faces when Toni called them all over. The look on Toni's face...they were all so terrified, and now they have to live with that because of me," Lana put her face in her hands.

Agent Young had to look away, his own heart hurting for the girl who was falling apart in front of him.

Dr. Faber was about to speak when Lana spoke first, "I know this is a lot to ask, but can I please see her? I know we're under the quarantine, but you have to understand that being away from everyone after that much time alone together is so hard, and I just want to see her for a minute, please."

"You want to see Toni?" Agent Young questioned. Lana's ears perked up. It worked. "Yes, I want to see Toni."

How did he know she wanted to see Toni of all people? Why not Fatin or Shelby? Lana instantly knew there was something sketchy happening.

The two men looked at each other, nodding hesitantly before looking back to Lana, "Okay. Let's go."

Lana had to stop herself from jumping for joy, but she couldn't help but let out a squeal. She cleared her throat, "sorry." The two men smiled at the girl.

The three walked down a hallway, Lana in the center. "I like your hair by the way," Agent Young complimented the girl who had pink streaks throughout her blonde hair.

Lana smiled, "Thank you. I guess I have y'all to thank for that." Dr. Faber's face didn't change, but Agent Young's contorted into one of confusion.

"The nurse said how she had to run it by the people whose orders she's under before she gave me the hair dye. I assumed that was you two," Lana explained to the dark man.

"Yeah, she asked me. Of course I said yes. My sister always said how dyeing her hair made her feel better, so I thought it'd be a nice thing for you to do," Dr. Faber lied, knowing the nurse never asked him about the hair dye.

"Your sister knows what's up," Lana chuckled along with the two men.

Lana's heart beat in her chest as they opened Toni's door. She was so nervous to see her. When the door opened and Toni noticed who it was, she froze for a second before getting up and rushing over to the Texan who was walking into the room.