Hayasaka Ai x Loner Male Reader

Chapter 11: What He Truly Desired

"(Y/n), why do you have a new bruise again?" My mother asked as she had a worried expression on her face.

"It's nothing. I just tripped that's all." I was lying. The truth was my classmates threw rocks at me again and I got hit.

"But still, you need to be careful. Don't trip next time okay."

I smiled at her. "Yes mother."

My name is (L/n) (Y/n). I'm an elementary schooler, and I'm being bullied.

"Hey look it's (Y/n)."

"Heh? I can't believe he still has the guts to come here?"

"There's a river near his house. Why don't he just drown himself already."

"He's so thin."

Every single day of my life, all I get are just insults and nothing more. But I personally think the insults they give me aren't wrong, though. I'm just a skinny, lazy, frail child. I can't even walk like a normal person. I'm like a walking corpse.

I don't have any friends. I'm obviously a loner. But I always ask myself, "Do I need one?" Maybe yes. Maybe no. I have no idea.

Back then, I always told myself that I want to live longer more than anyone. But why... why do I always hear that voice in my head that keeps saying, "I want to die quickly?" I guess this is reality, huh? The more you get older the more you lose hope.

I can't understand myself. The emptiness inside me never disappears. I want something, but I don't know what that "thing" is. I don't want to be happy. I don't want popularity. I don't want money. I don't want knowledge either. But I know that there's something that I always desired, I just don't know what it is.

Everyday, I keep suffering. I wanted to disappear. I don't know why, but I want to. The voice that keeps whispering inside my head keeps telling me that I'm useless, worthless, it's telling me that no one cares if I suddenly disappear. And the worst thing that bothers me is that I actually agree with it.

Then one day, I thought of something. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I become better than anyone I'll be able to destroy that voice inside my head and live a normal happy life.

I exercised everyday so I could be more athletic. I studied everyday so I could be smarter. I practiced martial arts. I practiced every musical instruments. I practiced singing. I kept practicing until I become good at every sports. I practiced dancing and almost everything that every normal person wanted to be good at. I pushed my body to it's limits.

Then middle school came. I was better than anyone. I was more good looking, more smarter, more athletic, and more talented. I had everything a normal person has ever wanted. The girls stared at me with hearts on their eyes. The boys gave me death glares that were full of jealousy and envy. I'm perfect.

I became the complete opposite of what I was before. I have many friends now, unlike the me from before who didn't belong in any social circle. I became someone who was trusted, and loved by many people.

However, there was something that was still bothering me. There was still something missing. The emptiness that was trapped deep inside my heart still didn't vanish. That voice inside my head that was telling me to die didn't flee.

Until I met her. If I remember correctly, it was that day when I was about to go home.

While I was taking a short cut so I could go home quickly, I saw a frail girl who seemed to have the same school uniform as the girls in my school. I saw three girls beating her up as she covered herself with her arms.