ELEVEN . tsukishima kei [✓]

#130 | march 30th

dear kei,

im sorry, i cant seem to break away from using dear. it's been a hundred and thirty days since i started this whole letter thing. im not even sure what to say anymore, yk?

everyday that im alone, i realize more and more how much i love you. is this getting repetitive? are you tired of it? i hope not.

every time i close my eyes, you're behind my eyelids. your soft blond hair that was always so fluffy comes into mind first. you're so handsome. those familiar black rimmed glasses burn themselves into my head, reminding me of all the time ive tried them on. the cute outfits you used to wear makes me think of you in a whole different light. i miss everything about you.

was it always this hard to stop thinking about someone?

i couldn't go for a walk today because of the weather so i stayed holed up in my room. it was cold and the air smelled so clean. it was strangely unsettling to realize that my natural scent was beginning to not smell like you or me.

the lady who works in the place im at gives me nice heated blankets to keep warm while i lay in bed but it just doesn't feel good anymore. i feel suffocated.

im only able to function with the thought of you in my mind. i love you so much, you know? you're the only man i'll ever love. ever. there won't be another man after this.

i doubt you'll ever come back to me, but if you do, do it quickly. i don't think i can handle this on my own anymore. it's lonely. so many people are around me but i feel so lonely.

you'll come back to me, won't you?

ahhhh, that's a bad thing to ask. im not forcing you to come back to me. i just want to know how you're doing. if you're happy and doing well, then that's all i want from you. your happiness is mine.

i'll do anything for you.

i love you so much i'd even die for you <3

sincerely,
l/n f/n :)