I Loathe You. I Love You Too.

Chapter Two : a voicemail

I was laying in bed turning to the last page that I needed to reach on Pride and Prejudice and that's when my phone started to buzz like crazy. I lifted it up to see Connor calling which shocked me considering the fact that this was rare these days.

"Hello, Connor is everything alright?" I waited patiently for a response.

"Yeah what do you think would be a good thing to send to Kayla for an away package?" he asked me.

Great, even when she's not here she still is.

"Uhhh, I don't really know. Her and I weren't that close recently. I thought you would've known that."

"Kayla told me that you guys were so close, told each other everything. I didn't know that you guys stopped being close. How long ago was this?" Connor then asked.

"Two years ago, roughly. Connor you had to have known, I mean we barely communicated when you were over at the house. You really didn't know?" I was shocked.

"No, Kayla would always tell me you guys spent every waking moment together. I don't understand why she would lie about that," he sounded deep in thought, "but I mean now I guess it makes sense. All those silent dinners we had when your parents didn't make it home on time. You two really didn't talk much. I'm sorry for calling then, I didn't mean to upset you. If I did," he sounded so apologetic.

"No it's okay, you didn't know. It makes sense, I would recommend getting her things that she can't get there so maybe ask her, I know this package your going to send her will mean a lot to her Connor," I smiled and realized I was smiling before clearing the thought that if we were together and I was away he'd do the same for me. 

"Thank you, that really does help. I do want to spend time with you again, like we used to. I miss you Paige," my heart did backflips hearing those words.

"Yeah," my voice sounded so small and I cleared it then, "yeah that sounds great and I'd be down to definitely start hanging out again, just say the word," I pushed my hair behind my ear like he was telling me he was in love from the start but I knew he wanted our friendship back.

"Okay, I'll text you when I'm free next. Bye Paige," he said before hanging up.

I laid down on my bed and looked at the ceiling thinking about the last time we spent time together, it felt like ages ago.

Connor was a grade above me and we had Spanish class my freshman year and his sophomore year. We helped each other out, and worked together when we both had time. He made freshman year for me amazing, but that was until he meet Kayla and things changed; he changed.

I shook my head suddenly realizing that Connor's only interested in hanging out now with me because Kayla's not here and because she's not I'm his priority. But if she was here I'd always come second.

"I need a drink," I muttered, getting up and grabbing my keys to head over to Masons, knowing that he was intending on having a "girls" night with our small group of friends and I just needed to let myself be reckless. I mean I shouldn't even like Connor because the feeling never was mutual. He chose Kayla, he could've had me, he had a chance. I thought he had feelings, he made it seem like he had feelings but he chose her. He'd always choose her.

I started to head over to Masons hoping my thoughts would silence but they seemed louder today and more unsettling for me. But eventually I made it to Masons but never rushed to get out of the car.

I sat outside the car debating and overthinking realizing people had it worse but drinking was one way I could lessen the constant anxiety I gave myself just by thinking. Drinking made the thoughts disappear, or not let me remember what had happened that night.