Bloody Love

Dying Slowly

You and Bucky hadn't talked, to each other, the both of you just sat with each other, with either no emotion or crying, you had no words for each other, but knowing what the other felt was what made you two need to be around each other, the day of the funeral came, the world thought that they knew how it felt, but they didn't, because they now saw that it felt like a stab to the stomach like you were dying slowly, and being drained of blood, there were two funerals, one today and then another tomorrow, and you had to be at both, today was just family and his closest friends, you got dressed in a long-sleeved black dress and black heel boots, and brushed out your slightly wet hair.
Bucky walked in and could see the breaking point was about to come, "It's gonna be alight he whispered." You took in a harsh breath threw your nose, and walked out with him, Sharon stayed in the compound for the past five days, as their friends, Steve's, friends who arrived, she looked at the both of you as you came out she gave you a sad smile, the rest of the guys came out dressed in suits, and a few in dresses, all of you left at the same time following your car, witch Bucky was currently driving, threw the surprisingly uncrowded streets, you pulled up to the church, the dark clouds rolled threw the sky like it knew that today was, you quickly blinked the tears back you got out and saw your family outside greeting people, Bucky following behind you, your older brother saw you firs, and walked over to you, he pulled you in.
Your breath hitched feeling the burning in your eyes again, "Sammie," your voice melted into a sob.
"Shh, I know, I know Y/n/n." he hushed, he looked up to see the team and Sharon, Bucky slowly walked forward, so that he could take you from your brother's arms, Sam, your brother gently let you go and went back to his Soulmate.
Bucky gave your family a sad smile and walked into the church with you in his arms after the rest of family and friends came in the ceremony started, and the priest spoke, you were supposed to give a speech, you couldn't hear anything, it felt like water was clogging your ears, Bucky saw your body tense up and stood up, and walked to the stand in your place, the priest looked at him with confusion "She is in no condition to give a speech."
"James Barnes will be giving the speech in her place," The priest announced.
Bucky walked up to the actual stand, "I'm sure all of you know who I am, Steve had never changed in all of the years that, I knew him, he was loyal stubborn, and braver than I ever could be, and I've been lucky enough to meet his family, and especially his Grandaughter, who is a lot like him, he has always been with me, and he's the very reason I am standing in front of you all today, he brought happiness to people around him," Bucky's speech continued for a few minutes, then he walked back down to sit by you, he took your left in his right hand after some more people talking about Steves life, and it was time for the barrel, Bucky helped you stand up, as the casket was carried out.
You followed behind, the casket, your dad and his siblings with there soulmates by there sides, sat in the front of everyone, as you and Bucky stood nearby, it was so silent for the first time, all that could be heard was the wind, that blew as your hair whipped around, and the grave was about to be lowered, "Now the family and loved ones may put roses on the casket before it is lowered."
Your dad and your aunts and uncles went up first, your cousins and siblings looked to you expecting you to go next, you griped Bucky's hand tighter, wanting him to walk up with you, Bucky moved his head down to make it look like he kissed the side of your head "Go, you can do it without me."
You looked down, and with a shaky step forward, you walked until the bunch of roses was in front of you, you put it on the casket, you said something so quiet that not even Bucky was able to hear, and you walked away, back by Bucky, you took his hand in you once again and leaned into to him, after more of your family put the white roses on top of it, the wake was going to be at Steve's home, everyone got into there cars and drove to threw the streets.
______
Bucky parked out front, of the house, he could see your hesitation, "We can go back to the compound." he offered.
You shook your head looking at the floor, "I should go in."
He looked at you with concern, "Y/n there not going to make you do anything."
You didn't reply and got out of the car, Sam and the rest of the Avengers who were there walked up, to Bucky as he got out, "Is she alright?" Sam asked
"Nope, she's doing what Steve did, she's doing what's better for everyone but herself." Bucky sighed, as they walked into the house, it wasn't quiet but it also wasn't loud.
Bucky looked around for you when a little kid with blond hair walked up to him and looked up with an amazing look and the kid's mouth dropped open, "You're a superhero like Grmpop's, and Auntie Y/n." he said.
"Hmm-uhh, can you show me where your aunt is?" Bucky bent down to asked him.
The kid nodded, and took Bucky's metal arm in his, and led him through the house, upstairs, "She's usually in here during this type of things." then the kid walked away.
Bucky laughed slightly, then he opened the door, you didn't turn when it opened, "You're not supposed to be in here." you said.
"I'm guessing neither are you," he told you, he looked around and saw all of the art, "What are you looking at?" he asked as he walked behind you, and wrapped his arms around you, and kissed the top of your head.
"Just something," it was the painting of your Grandma, the one that you had finished for your Grandpa.
"Who did that?" he asked.
"He started it, but you and Sam came, and I finished it for him." you smiled for the first time in a while.
"You just as good as him, let's go downstairs."Bucky offered.
"Alright." you nodded more to reassure yourself.
______
The next day you felt better than the day prior but obviously, you were still sad, you got dressed in another black dress for what would be the world's funeral to 'Captain America' you pulled your coat over your shoulderless dress and slipped on your heels you walked out, "They already left," Bucky told you as you walked into the kitchen.
You nodded slowly "Are you ready to go?" you asked.
He sighed "Yes."
You walked out to your car and got in on the passenger side, and Bucky got in on the drivers, and he started the vehicle, he pulled out of the underground parking garage and drove through the streets, "Bucky?"
"Humm," he put half of his attention on you.
"Is this gonna be like you said the other day?" you asked.
"Like what?" he asked.
"Umm, the three lives you were talking about 'the one where you do interviews, and go onto national T.V. and people wanna know your private life, you go to big events and the paparazzi,' the famous one?" you didn't want today to be that way.
"I don't know, I'll try and make this as normal as it can be," He took your hand in a firm but soft grip.
Eventually, he pulled up to the reserved parking for them, the engine stopped, you sucked in a harsh breath and got out, Bucky and you walked together, to the group of people who are Avengers and your family, you stood by your other brother, Liam, "You look better today." he smiled down at you.
"I feel a little better, today." you sighed.
The funeral started with the bagpipes playing the national anthem, crowds of people were gathered around time square, as the many screens were occupied with memorial videos of your grandfather.
You saw people from the army carrying the empty black casket with the American flag hung over it, your family with the Avengers followed similar to yesterday, you every so often saw a small flash from a camera, you held back rolling your eyes.
Once you got to the end, of the route to the burial ground, they put the casket onto a lowering thing, you looked up and saw a statue of Iron man, and Quicksilver, Bucky must have noticed your confusion, "They build statues of the fallen Heros here as there headstones for the public." He explained you looked to him with a smile, as a thank you.
They took the flag up off of the casket, and folded it up, they fired two harmless blasts from two canons.
______
It had been a couple of weeks since the funeral, You thought that Bucky thought you were doing better sin then, but he could see right threw that but he wasn't going to bring it up, Bucky and you were sparing in the gym, and Sam was doing his own thing when he hissed in pain, which caught you off guard, you turned and Bucky got you right on the jaw, you hit the flimsy bungee cords of the ring, you shook your head to get out of your distracted state.
"Oh god, Y/n are you alright?" Bucky asked walking to you.
He helped you up "Ya, ya I'm fine, Sam what happened?"
Sam looked at you "I just felt like my head hit the ground, I'm fine tho."
You nodded turning your attention back to you're soulmate, "How about we go on a date tonight."
"That would be great except for the hundred people outside waiting to get the quote 'scope' on Captain Americas Grandaughter," Bucky told you.
"Okay and...we can go tonight as I said."
"They've been practically sleeping out there." He smirked.
You rolled your eyes "I'm starting to hate this." you walked away, back to your room.
"What are you trying to do?" Sam asked the brunet.
Bucky turned to him "What I'm trying to do is get her to accept this, she thinks that she's completely fine, but she's not, and she denying it." he left to go to his room.
______
Bucky came into your room later that night, and cuddled with you, "Why don't you wanna go out?" you were persistent he'd give you that.
"Y/n...." He sighed and trailed off, "I don't wanna hurt you more than you already are."
"I can take it," you reassured him.
He looked at you with a slightly angry expression "No you can't because your lying to yourself, and don't try and lie to me."
"Bucky, I choose to hide what I'm feeling, only for it to show when I'm alone," you said truthfully.
"Y/n you being alone doesn't stop how you feel, I feel it all day you know why." Bucky's chest moved up and down in fast pants.
"If you're just gonna lecture me, then just go to your own room please." you threw your head against the pillow that was behind you, Bucky got out of your bed and went to his room down the hall.