Honey, nuts & lilies

Not Shiny and New

Rout's POV

"Matteo, I...I want you to know that I..." love you. I wanted to say it. I wanted to let him know how I felt. There was no point in hiding it. But was this the right time? I just got to know what they did to me. I am tainted forever with their touches. How could he be here with me? I was used. Not shiny and new.

"What? Rout?" I turned to my mate. His brown eyes holding the entire universe in them.

"That I missed you." I gave him a small smile and moved a bit away. If I distance myself now, it won't hurt that much when I will be told to leave his pack.

"I missed you more. You have no idea." He said, laying down and scooting closer to me, gently caressing my hair.

And just like that, in his embrace, I fell asleep, finally feeling whole.

Matteo's POV

It was a week of staying at the hospital and closely monitoring Rout's health whew Will's father declared her strong enough to leave to our room.

During her stay in the medical ward, I would take her for a short walks. She was not really fit for walking. At least not now. But why would she need to be able to walk by herself when she has me? Her strong Alpha mate ready to support her or carry her.

And that's what we are doing right now. My stubborn Luna trying to walk by only holding my shoulder for support and me laughing silently at her antics.

"I can carry you, you know? Our room is kind of far away."

"I got this." She hissed.

We took two more steps before she turned to me with puppy eyes. My lips curled into a smirk as I lifted her up and carefully coddled her closer. Oh, how much I missed her scent.

"When did they finish the house?" she asked, looking around curiously.

"Ehmm...like a month and a half ago? I am not completely sure..." How could I even talk about the time when she wasn't with me? With us – the whole pack felt the loss of the Luna.

She only nodded, keeping quiet for the rest of the walk to our room.

"I hope you like it here. I wasn't in the right mindset to pay much attention to what was going on in here. I only moved in when it was done." I opened the door, shifting her in my hold so that I could see her reaction. Looking at the room with her was something completely different. The big bed seemed appealing; book shelfs not depressing now that the owner of all those books was home. The bathtub now looking like a place to relax, not to drown. How much she wanted a big bathtub and special shelf for bath bombs, oils and scented salt. When I looked at it now, I didn't see loneliness, I saw her in every corner. I was reminded of how excited she was to plan the whole layout, how she wanted the room to fulfill both of our needs. And insisting that there was a separate office from where I could lead the pack.

"It is beautiful." She sighed, trying to go and see more of our shared space, but stumbling after a few steps. My arms always there for her to hold her.

"Not so fast." I chuckled and hugged her but once again, she pushed a distance between us. She has been doing this since the day she woke up – needing to touch me but then pulling away.

"Rout? Is everything okay?" she had tears in her eyes, threatening to spill and stain her silky skin.

"C-Can I take a bath?"

"Of course, bun. But talk to me. Tell me what is troubling you? Are you in pain? I can quickly get Will's father here. Or is there something about the room that is not like you wanted it? We can get it fixed. Whatever you want, love." The worst of thoughts clouding my mind.

"No...I just want to take a bath." She responded, but the tears were still present.

"O-okay." Taken aback by her not talking to me, I helped her to the en-suite bathroom, sitting her on one corner of the bathtub. "Wait here, I am going to bring you something to wear afterwards." Leaving hurriedly, I grabbed the first think that I saw – just some of my clothes, waiting to see her get comfortable in them.

When I walked back, she was right where I left her. Drying her tears with the sleeve of her sweater. Dropping the clothes on the closed toilet I kneeled in front of her, taking her shaking hands in mine.

"Rout?"

"I am sorry." She sobbed.

"Shhh...Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong." I kissed the back of her hands, maintaining eye contact.

"I-I am b-broken. I am u-used. You...you don't n-need to pretend to want me h-here."

"Why would you say that? You are not broken you are my beautiful brave mate. I am not pretending anything. " I told her, feeling hurt but wanting nothing more than to be closer to her.

"Matteo don't sa-"

"I love you." I whispered, tears now adoring my cheeks too. "I love you so much."

"But they raped me! They used me. I am not new I- I am..." she screamed.

"You are my mate and that is all that matters! I love you the same as on my birthday. This", I drew a circle in the air between us, "doesn't change a thing."

"You are not disgusted?" she asked, her voice breaking towards the end.

"I want to kill every single person that ever hurt you, that did this to you, but I could never feel that way towards you. You are the same Rout that I met day after your birthday. I want you with my whole heart." Raw emotions filling the small space as she threw herself into my embrace, her nose buried in my scent gland taking in shaky breaths.

There was no point in denying how she made me feel. I wanted to be her forever. And in order for that to happen...we needed to overcome this together.

"Matteo?"

"Mhh?"

"I love you." I felt her smile against my skin.

"I love you." I replied.

"Matteo?"

"Mhh?"

"Can I take a bath now?" I shifted our position so that I could see her face.

"Of course, bun." Placing a sweet peck against her lips I stood up with her still in my arms.

-----

The tub was filled with water and a lavender bath bomb when I turned around to leave.

"Can you stay with me?" small voice sounded behind me.

"You want me to stay here?" I asked not quite grasping what was happening.

"I want you to take a bath with me?" a shy smile was adoring her cheeks, eyes still shining with tears.

"It would be my pleasure."

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Thank you for reading!

-Jull