Avàni -The True ALPHA FEMALE~

Chapter-19

Whats the point of being special if i can't even save my brother
 

                                   - Avani

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Avani's pov.
      
         Ring!!Ring!!ring!ring! the damn phone kept ringing i know the person who's calling but i don't dare to answer it, it's mama, she's gonna blame me and hate me for the rest of her life.. i killed her only child,as the alpha i can't even protect him instead i let him die ,Aaahhhhh!!! he's dead ,my bestfriend is dead, i no longer have a brother, my hero.
                  Now i only have mama to love me, only her, i don't want her to turn her back on me,i don't want her to hate me, Aahh!aah!ah..
       It's been two days since dem's dead and the horrible wounded image of him keeps haunting me in my sleep i can't sleep a bit without nightmares, i can't eat anything because just before the filthy rogues attack dem complains that he wants to go back as he was hungry, but now he's no longer, i don't dare to stay a minute with his dead body that i don't even say my last words to him, now he's six feet under i regret but i can't do anything about it.. these past two days i don't want to see anyone and so i locked myself up in my room i  don't dare to meet the dissapointing look of the pack for being so weak as their alpha, just like my former pack gave a look to the mention of  my father, i can't bear to see the hatred they'll give for killing their friend.
        The phone starts ringing again, as i tried to switch off my hand slip and accidentaly press the answer button.
  " Ava,dear thank moon goddess you pick the call i thought something bad happen to you guys.." i could hear mama's panic voice from the other side but i can't make out a word, what do you want me to say? and you know what makes me furious she thanked the so called moon goddess who's so fucking enjoying to see us tortured like hell,she's just a jealous bitch who envies anyone who's happy with their own life.
        This is my worst time and qiv, my dear wolf we had a big fight and i yell at her that i want her to get lost and never talk to me again,that happen when mama calls and qiv said i need to tell mama, sooner or later she'll find out anyway, she's dem's mother and that she deserved to know the truth no matter the consequences, but i was being the selfish bitch that i am i fuckung blame her, i regret everything that i ever did. I take a deep breathe and speak to mama in my hoarse voice,  "I'm fine,too fine more than i deserve to be" my emotion rose again at the thought of dem, the tears just keep flowing as if their meant to always keep flowing by nature.
  "Ava,my child what have you just said ? silly child, and what has happen to your voice, are you crying? Demis is making you cry isn't it ? I swear i'm gonna scold.."
i cut her off.
   "Yes mama,yes dem was making me cry again its just i don't think i will be able to stop crying.... the only problem is that this time you won't be able to scold him anymore.." i said in whisper at the last sentence, she's quite for a while and i heard her unconvincing little laugh that crush my heart even more, she is not willing to accept it just like i was , please don't ask, please don't ask,please.. but she ask it anyway "Ava, i thought i heard 'was', ahh i've become old now and i just keep hearing wrong words." she said trying to hide the nervousness in her voice but i could still pick.
         "No, mama you're not hearing it wrong. I'm so sorry, i can't protect him instead he died protecting me, mama i killed him, i'm sorry i'm just too scared of your reaction that i kept for this past two days, i'm sorry" i sobbed out, but i don't even hear a single movement on the other side that made me more worried,"Mama, please say something please scold me or hate me, please i can't bear your silence, mama plea.." she just cut the call , i called after more than twenty times but no answer i sank down to the floor, its all my fault i cause this to the only people who love me.. i'm a curse.
        
~~~**~~~
   another two days had pass again and i can feel myself  weakening,     i dialed on mama's number till my battery ran out but still not a single answer ,it all went to voicemails and i just kept apologizing again and again..
i heard knocking on my door,        "didn't i already make myself clearly that i don't want anyone to come" i yell frustrated at whatever reason they had. "Ava, you really need to hear this please?" its lena,she always come five times a day sometimes jaden would follow her, i know they are trying to help me feel better but i just can't forgive myself. "whatever i don't wanna hear, please go back to your room" i said , as i'm sitting just near the door though the walls are soundproof she could heard. I heard her sigh,"its about Mrs.Rawsone.." that has me sit up straight i quickly unlock the door and came face to face with lena, she's shock to see me like this,          "what's with mama?" i ask her impatiently, her eyes well up and said "our spies in the silvermoon pack report back that, there's a rogue attack at the south part of the pack, the main incharge of the orphanage is killed by the rogues, she fought against the rogues and even killed three of them but she was too outnumbered that she got killed trying to protect the children. And one of the children has said that they met with two three warriors as they ran away not too far from the orphanage and beg them to help, but the guards didn't make a move." what, dead? mama? "no,lena that's not true we just talk two days ago and she's healthy i know that can't happen to her,she's really strong you know?" i keep blabering, lena engulfs me in her motherly arms i can't hold back i burst out in tears this is too much, why do you hate me so much moon goddess?
  
      Lena left me after i assured her that i'm fine for the hundreth time.Being alone in my dark room, once again i'm left all alone here. Thinking about what lena had just said, the rogues attack the south part,where most of the members who fought against the new alpha resides, the two orphanage in the pack are both in  the south part,the one attacked by the rogues is the orphanage where most of the orphans whose parents are killed by the new alpha were, and many kids there were killed while the rogues didn't give a damn to the other orphanage. This seems suspicious and the kids has said that the guards they beg to are not far away from there but still they won't go help.. so this is another evil plan of Danielson Govins, he tried to finished off the innocent children just because he's afraid one day when they grow up they will fight against him.. coward.. this make me angry to no end, every loss and suffered i had went through just always fucking had something to do with those people.I won't hold back anymore i'm gonna destroyed all of them, killed all of them, i won't let go of those  evil people and all the traitors, i'll let them know what it feels like to lost their loved one how those poor kids would feel when they see their only mother figure Mama Darcy shred into pieces yet they couldn't help her, i need to avenge them, those monsters of a traitors will only give birth to monsters like them, i will kill their parents and let their children suffered just as i am just as the poor orphans were, pity? no ofcourse not, this emotions thing were only for the weaklings and i'm not some weakling, i do not need this sucking so called emotion, i prefer to stay emotionless with that said i concentrated on my goal, every living supernatural, werewolves, vampires, witch/wizards,etc all have this one thing in common, we have the ability to kill our emotions but once done, there's no coming back,many rogues find no reason to keep living so after they lost all the hopes in life they give up and that leads them to kill their human conscience and lives on without emotion, without emotion there's no fear,love, pity, sad,happy,lonely,excited and all so those rogues were often killed because they didn't fear anything even when their ten times outnumbered, so killing emotion is not what everybody wish to do, but guess what? that's what i'm about to do, and i definitely will. And so i did, qiv didn't bother to argue me on this we're both tired and hopeless. I open my eyes feeling relieved than i ever had, i forgot the very feeling called 'sad' i had went through the last past ten minutes, whatever.
 
    I open my bedroom door to find jaden standing there,what's with this guy what is he doing here huh? ah,whatever i have some business that needs my attention, i walk pass him not giving a second glance. "Ava,where are you going?" he asks following just behind me, i stop and turn towards him "just some business of mine, okay? nothing more" i say calmly and smile at him i wave and continue my steps. He still dares to follow me again he held my hand and i turn towards him, taking my hand out if his grasp "what?" i ask annoyed, he tries to search my eyes but he won't find any because i don't want to be read by anyone, "its just you're acting so different today, you didn't.." i cut him off "i didn't what? so you want me to weep like a pathetic old woman? nah,that's not my thing sorry" and i walk away.
   
          I'm annoyed by everyone asking the 'are you okay,alpha' , 'how are you,alpha' 'alpha..',
  'alpha..' i make my way towards the border and again i fucking came to face two patrol guards ,       "morning alpha" the tall one greets he look uneasy while the other one space out, hmm mindlinking someone? he must have informed that annoying old man, joseph. I tried to walk pass them but he won't allow me so, i calmly ask "you won't like what i'm about to do to you if you don't make a way" he gulps in fear, but still, "alpha please excuse me, but i can't let you pass the border you're not on your best condition now  so please don't make it hard for us" he said. "You insult me? just because i don't live a proper life for some days doesn't meant i could be equal to a beginner like you pups" i said still calmly, there's no need to be angry at this poor fellow he's not gonna stand a minute though , i again tried to walk pass forgiving that he just insults me, but he won't budge and hell that pisses me off , again feeling that immense power whenever i'm like this, the very feeling makes me feel like i could do anything , not even touching a single hair of his i break both his legs just moving around my fingers in the air, and you know what? i fucking love this, and so i continue with his arms as well,as i'm about to break his neck too ,the other guard shift and tried to pounce on me, dare much isn't he? i grab his neck only with my hands and throws him far enough and see him hit his head with the impact hard on the tree that knocks him out , i turn to the guard that i am currently dealing with, so what are we doing? oh, i remember, we're about to break your neck am i right, i squish my fingers hard and i enjoy seeing him fighting for his last breathe just then i felt a prick i turn around to find helena, insert a  syringe in my neck, what the fuck  , then i black out.

love ya'll,
Adriana

How's that guys? an emotionless avani, cool right.
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