the suffering of harry potter

chapter four.

no.

He was going to end up dead.

Because of me.

Because-

Because I loved him.

And everyone I love ends up dying.

Now you're getting it faggot. 

I can't be back here.

There's too many thoughts.

"I can't. I need to get out of here."

He grabbed at my arm, pulling it away, towards his own body. 

The arm that had been scratching at my other forearm.

I winced.

I'm bleeding.

You deserve it freak. 

I needed to cut, the scratching wasn't enough.

I needed the cold of the blade.

I needed the release.

"Let me go." I whispered. 

"No." He grabbed at me, pulling me into a tight embrace, not daring to let me go.

"Please." I started struggling in his arms, I didn't deserve this. 

"No Harry." He only tightened his grip on me. 

"Let. Me. Go." I struggled harder, trying to yank myself out of his grasp. 

"No Harry, please let me help you."

"LET GO OF ME!" I finally broke away from his grasp. I was shaking, I had to get out of there. 

So I did. 

I ran.

and ran.

and ran.

I ran until I couldn't breathe.

I ran until I couldn't see.

I didn't want to think anymore.

I didn't want to live anymore.

I pulled the blade out the back pocket of my jeans. The blade I had somehow forgotten about over the last hour. 

I needed it.

I wanted out.

I needed out.

Once.

Twice.

Three times. 

Seven.

Thirteen.

I don't remember a lot after the fourteenth. 

My eyes were growing heavy.

The sense of calm overwhelmed and engulfed me. 

Haziness.

Drowsiness.

Darkness.

It was finally quiet. 

I relished in it. 

I was ready.

This was goodbye.

Peaceful goodbye.

"Finally."

I was free.

Until I wasn't.

"HARRY!"

words: 843. 

Authors notes :)

Hey everyone!

I am so so sorry at the lack of updates. I haven't been doing well. 

I'm on new antidepressants, and it has been a rough few weeks. I'm drowning in school work, and I'm really just struggling to stay alive all together. But, I'll be okay, don't you guys worry!

I also apologise for such a dark chapter, I didn't have the motivation to write something happy, my brain can't do it right now. Hopefully in the future though I can produce something better for you guys. I listened to sleep thru ur alarms the whole time I wrote this, I'm sure it helped with the vibes. 

I just want to make it very clear I do not accept some of the foul language I used in here, so I apologise. 

I just wanted to thank everyone! This story now has a little over 200 reads?!?! WHAT

I didn't think anyone was actually going to read this, I am beyond overjoyed. Thank you to everyone for your kind comments and for upvoting on this story, it makes me so happy to see you guys are liking the story. 

Hopefully you guys won't have to wait that long again for a update, but  I can't promise anything, and for that, I apologise. 

So until next time, please look after yourselves. Go drink some water, you're doing great, and I am so incredibly proud of all of you.

I love you guys <3

clouds :)