The Wolf and the Raven

Ch 29 - Lone Wolf

"Tell ya what," Hagrid ignored the boys' banter, "those buggers are mighty hard to keep alive. Why don' you let me catch a bunch of 'em for ya, and ya can come and get 'em when ya need 'em."

"That would be wonderful, thank you," Remus smiled.

"Don' suppose you could tell me what it's all for?"

They glanced at each other, avoiding his eyes.

"I figur'd," Hagrid winked. "In fact, I think maybe we can help each other. Uh, I don' mention the moths, you don' mention the...." he jerked his head in the direction of the crab.

Branwen grinned and stuck out her hand. "Deal."

With their moth supply secure, Branwen took the chance of clipping Stanley's first leaves of the year. The next full moon (and the Quidditch match the day after) was quickly approaching and nerves in the group began to run high. James, Sirius, and Peter finally vented some of their energy on a group of first-years by trapping them on a moving staircase they had charmed to spin in place. Of course, when Filch spotted them, they landed a detention – on the night of the full moon.

After dinner Friday evening, the friends moved into the Entrance Hall, then checked their watches. It was five-thirty; one hour until moonrise.

"You don't have to go with me," Remus finally blurted at Branwen. They had all agreed earlier that she would accompany Remus to the Shack and that the other boys would join her when they finished their detention.

"What do you mean?" Branwen exclaimed. "Of course I'm going with you. You think I'm going to let you do this alone?"

"But you have a match in the morning!" Remus glanced at James for support, but he just shook his head, knowing better than to argue with his stubborn sister. "Keep warm, Bon-Bon. We'll be there as soon as we finish."

Branwen hugged her brother, then the group split, the boys trudging off to the trophy room, Remus and Branwen ducking beneath the Invisibility Cloak. It was a cold evening, steely clouds hanging low in the sky. The rain that had been threatening all week had yet to fall, and they hoped it would hold off just a little longer. Just in case, the two of them scurried toward the Whomping Willow as fast as they could.

When they were close enough, Remus pulled out his wand. "Immobulus," he whispered. The well-aimed shot hit the knob at the tree's base, freezing its limbs in place. He entered the low tunnel first, followed by Branwen. She latched onto his robes, so as not to fall behind. Not having reached their full heights yet, the two could shuffle along in a mostly standing position.

When the pair had gone about half-way, Remus paused. He heard a small sniffling noise. "Branwen?"

"I'm okay."

They continued on, but the sniffling got louder until they reached the end. When there was finally enough room to turn around, Remus faced Branwen and took her chin in his hand.

Large tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was gasping for breath in a desperate sort of way. "Hey, Bran," with one hand still cupping her face, he used the scarred knuckles of the other to swipe away a tear, "what's this for?"

She gripped his hand when he went to move it away and took a shuddering breath. "It's for you, Rem. I can't believe how strong you are, going through this every month. And we can't even keep a stupid leaf in our mouths for longer than a week. We haven't done anything –"

"Haven't done anything!" Remus rocked back on his heels. He wiped a hand across his face, then started to laugh. "Oh, Bran, do you really think you haven't done anything?"

She gulped back her tears. "I don't understand."

He laughed again, then sat down, patting the dirt beside him. She crawled over and leaned into his shoulder. "Look, Bran....the – transformations – have always been hard. Obviously. My parents did the best they could. They were always there for me. But it was still lonely. Just me and them. And I thought that was how it was going to be for the rest of my life.

"Then Dumbledore came and said I could go to Hogwarts. I was ecstatic. But here....." he glanced around at the small tunnel and the trapdoor above them, "here I was really alone. There was no one I could trust. The only person I saw on nights like this was Madam Pomfrey.

"Don't get me wrong," he said quickly, "James and the others were great. They included me in everything. They were my first friends, really. But they couldn't really be there for me. Not when I needed them most....Then I woke up in hospital that night and saw you...."

He had a faraway look in his eyes and seemed to lose his train of thought. Then he coughed and said, "And now I just can't seem to get rid of you. The whole lot of you. You've made this, this curse bearable. I know I'll never be able to thank you enough."

A single tear slipped down Remus' face. He'd cried so much in his life, felt so much pain, he didn't know if he had it in him to feel that deeply again. But with Branwen's warm body pressed against his, away from the judging eyes of his peers, he felt a tiny chink break through his wall of invulnerability.

It closed back up though, as soon as the first excruciating spasm shot through his ribcage.

"Oh, Remus!" Branwen gasped. "You have to get going." She reached up and shoved the door open.

"Wait, Bran. You have to promise me something" he squeezed her hand, nearly crushing the bones in her fingers. "It's my birthday on Sunday. And what I want most, is for you to win that match tomorrow."

She nodded as solemnly as a knight pledging to a quest from his lord and master. "I'll do it. I swear."

He tried to smile, grimaced instead, then crawled through the door, locking it behind himself.

Somehow, that night's transformation seemed to be the worst Branwen had ever heard. It was certainly the most she had ever been tempted to use a silencing spell. Knowing that the howling of pain and the squelching of blood and the ripping of flesh was coming from her soft-hearted friend nearly drove her to madness.

When the other boys crawled down the tunnel later that night, they found Branwen curled up in the fetal position, hands clamped over her ears.

"Hey, hey, Bon-Bon," James picked her up and cradled her in his lap. He held her, rocking her like an infant, allowing her tears to stain his robes. Sirius and Peter sat nearby, awkwardly patting her hand when they felt it was appropriate.

Finally, she took a heaving sob and held out her hand. "Give it to me."

Peter reached into his bag and pulled out the leaves she had given him earlier. The boys waited to see if Branwen would explain what had brought her to such a state of crying, but she just shoved the leaf into her mouth and held it there, lifting her wand to perform the sticking charm. They followed her example.

The moon set at six that morning. As gently as they could, the boys picked up Remus and hurried to transfer him into Pomfrey's care. Peter remained in the hospital wing while the other three ran for a quick breakfast then down to the locker rooms to dress for the match.

Remus' words kept running through Branwen's ears as she pulled on her robes and laced up her boots. "It's my birthday on Sunday." How had they missed it last year? He was only three weeks older than James. It brought home to her what a short time she had actually known Remus. Only one birthday had come and gone. He would be fourteen and she would still be twelve for another month. It sent thoughts swirling in her head so fast she couldn't hope to focus on even one. Instead, she took a deep, clearing breath and grabbed her broom.

She had only one thought now: catch that Snitch.