The Bucket List

Chapter 11

"Hi, Dexter!"

Kagat-labi kong nilapag 'yong tatlong piraso ng white rose sa damuhan. Nilatag ko rin 'yong kumot na lagi kong inuupuan tuwing pinupuntahan ko si Dexter.

"Musta ka na d'yan? Paramdam ka naman."

Umihip ang malakas na hangin kaya't nagsiliparan lahat ng tuyong dahon. Pagabi na rin at medyo nagdidilim na sa sementeryo. Ang iba siguro'y natakot na. Ako? Natuwa pa ata dahil alam kong nandyan lang siya, nagbabantay.

"I scored ten on a fifty-item test! Crazy, right?" I chuckled and watched the sky.

After Dexter's death four years ago, my life went downhill. Sinama na niya ata sa hukay kaya hindi agad ako nakabangon. It's like a part of me died too.

My father's stone cold heart melted in a snap when he saw me crying in our balcony every night for months. Tumulong siya sa pagpapakulong kay Mr. Espadero. He's in jail for abuse, adultery, and use of drugs.

Mrs. Espadero woke up in her coma one year after Dexter's death. I can't imagine the pain she went through. Pagkagising niya nawalan na siya ng anak, at nakulong pa ang asawa.

Bumuntong-hininga ako kasabay ng isa pang ihip ng hangin. Tumagilid ako ng higa at hinawakan ang lapida sa tabi.

Dexter Louis C. Espadero
Jan 25, 1996 — Apr 12, 2014

"Ang hirap ng Civil Engineer na course, Dexter. Pero ayos na rin kasi nandyan naman si Vanessa. Kahit ang bitch niya, mabait naman siya sa'kin."

Who would've thought that the most hated girl in our grade 11 class would be my best friend in college?

Everything is unexpected. It's just the way things are. At some point, there will be this one event that would flip our lives. In my case, that's when Dexter saw my bucket list.

He said that I should have the courage to fight for the things that I want. Nagawa kong hindi sundin si Papa sa pagpipilit niya sa aking kunin ang kursong abogasya, na sundin ko dapat ang yapak niya, na maging isang abogado rin para hindi sayang ang talino.

But I chose my heart's true desire, to be a Civil Engineer. It took a long time for him to understand what I wanted. Sinabi ko rin na hindi ko pababayaan pag-aaral ko, pero ayokong puro libro na lang ang kaharap ko. I wanted to be free while learning, have fun while studying.

Sabi ni Papa, hindi ko naman siya sinusuway kaya akala niya ay ayos lang sa akin 'yong mga sinasabi niya.

Naiintindihan ko. I didn't have the courage to speak for my self. In the end, I'm the one who suffered the consequences of my cowardice. And I learned my lesson.

Thanks to the guy lying beside me.

"You're brave too, Dexter," ngumiti ako kasabay ng pagtulo ng luha. "Ang tapang mo na lumaban pa rin kahit pagod ka na, ang tapang mong pigilan 'yong tatay mo kahit alam mong sa huli ikaw lang din 'yong masasaktan."

"Ang tapang mo, Dexter, pero tangina bakit ka mang-iiwan?"

After four years, it still hurts. He creeped deeper in my heart without me knowing. It's like he locked a part of him inside me. Hindi makawala, hindi malimutan.

Pumikit ako at pinunasan ang mga luhang patuloy na bumabasa sa pisngi ko. Remembering the days that we're together, I kept going back with this one particular memory. The time he kissed my forehead under the rain, in front of a flower shop.

I brushed my thumb across his headstone and whispered, "I miss you, sweetmate. Always."

END