Valentine's Day for single people [boyxboy] ✔️

06 A helpful friend

"No matter what?
What is that supposed to mean?", I asked, puzzled at his wording.

"I mean, I want us to come here together in the autumn, no matter if you will get back together with the jerk.
I noticed how scared you got when he pretended to kill himself, I think you are still in love with him.
But, even if you two will get back together, we could still be friends, don't we?", he glanced at me with hopeful eyes, not letting go to my hand, but interlacing our fingers together.

Ouch! That hurt!

I withdrew slowly my hand from his, and tried to prevent my voice from cracking:
"Friends...yeah...We could be friends...
But, what a hell are you talking about?
I could never get back together with Yu Bin!
Yes, our relationship was special, but I'm not in love with him, I can now be honest to myself and admit that I have never been, actually.
I don't think that it could be called love, that kind of love, the feeling that he was my responsibility to take care of him.
Of course, I was scared when he threatened to kill himself.
That would have meant that the three years of psychological therapy were not effective enough.
Yu Bin was a very sick person, and I think he still is.
But I have no more strength remaining in myself to keep on taking care of him.
Especially not after meeting you.
Yes, you! Don't look at me like this!
When I met you I had a sudden revelation, that maybe I should have the right to think about my own happiness, too, not only about others' well being.
I will tell you about Yu Bin and me , later, if you are curious, but now let me ask you the thing I wanted to know since a while: why didn't you tell me that you are gay?
Because you are gay, aren't you?
Otherwise you wouldn't have kissed me. At least not the way you did."

"I didn't tell you, because you asked only about Wei Wu Xian, not about me.
I didn't think you were interested in my person.
And I kissed you, because I felt the need to kiss you. Not only on that particular moment, but from the first time we've met.
Zhan Zhan, I like you very much, I really do...I like you so much that I'd be content with being only good friends, if we can't be more.
Also, I admit that I want you very much...I mean, the urge and need to have you are eating my guts..."

"You mean, you want to be my friend, but a friend who fu*ks me?", I asked in irritation. An irritation mixed with hurt.

"Zhan Zhan, please don't feel offended.
Of course that I'd like to be more than friends, but I don't want to be your pickle.
Maybe I'd accept it if it would be for someone else, but Zhan Zhan, understand that my feelings for you are something special, the kind I've never felt for anyone else before, and I couldn't bear the pain.", he spoke in a soft tone of voice.

"To be my pickle?!!!"

"Did you never eat so much cake or sweets, that you got nauseated and felt the need to have a bite of something sour?
When it happens to me, I always eat a pickle.
But after I feel better, I go back to eating again the cake or the sweets.
As much as I like pickles from time to time, my favorite will remain the sweets.", he smiled with a sad smile, taking both of my hands in his, after stopping the car.