enigmatic |t.r.|

21.

meredith has a map on her body.

in the corner of her lips, there are always a couple of secrets,

memories of a childhood too dark to be a childhood at all, memories that include screaming and hitting and blood.

she takes those secrets and hides them under her pillow

so they visit her in dreams and this way she's always in pain, never having a moment of peace, a moment when red can just be red and not a bloody stain on an expensive carpet.

on the side of her left eye, she has a tiny scar, because one time her father tried to make her see the world broken

but her eyesight remained perfect, he just messed with her soul and even though she looks at a seemingly perfect world,

she feels the broken pieces cutting her from the inside, a few of them scratch her lungs and she loses her breath,

the air that comes out of her mouth is just air

and she's nothing more than a lie, she is going to vanish like a fucking promise any moment now.

on her cheek there is a tear stain, it has been there ever since that ravenclaw boy cornered her in the bathroom two years ago and touched her in ways that would burn her flesh if she had any remaining skin

this is not skin this is a shield

these are not bones they are arrows

she's a fucking battlefield

always fighting always losing always dying.

tears disappear quickly but their stain never does

she has a scar the shape of a tear in her soul too

and that day was the only day she hated pain and cried.

on her kneecap she has a tiny bruise

the bruise would have faded by now but every now and then she keeps hitting her knee at the edge of her bed frame,

a stupid anniversary,

a constant reminder that pain is endless and existence is tiring and maybe she should just sleep

she always senses a metaphor there but she was never clever enough to grasp it, she can only feel the irony taunting her.

she has a thin white line on her right wrist and the irony is gone.

she keeps the blade as a bookmark.

she used flowers before.

she has a forgotten kiss on the soft skin inside her thigh.

oscar placed it there.

it is her favourite spot on the map.

she has a freckle right between her breasts, the center of her universe and the end of the world

and sometimes people kiss it and every time they do, it changes places

so they can never find it, so it can be hers only.

she has a necklace of fingertips around her throat and no pulse.

this is her safe place on the map.

tom riddle has claimed this spot as his property.  she's too tired to argue. she hopes he leaves the necklace though.

scars are the prettiest jewelry.

meredith is a map.

she is a map of innocence and pain and violence and violation and memories and nightmares and beauty and sadness.

she always breaks before she's even whole.

sometimes she cracks her spine in two just for the fun of it.

sometimes she treats her stomach as a cemetery and plants flowers near the graves.

•••
i think this is my favourite
chapter so far.
hope you like it too <3