(1) Brothers (A Harry Potter Fanfiction)

December 25, 1995 - Part 1

Christmas morning was always supposed to be magical, especially for a magical child. And when Harry was younger, there had been a certain excitement that would overwhelm him; the idea of running downstairs and tearing open presents was always fun.

The first part of the morning was spent with his father; Sirius would be ready and waiting, breakfast for the two of them spread over the coffee table with presents piled under the tree. They would take turns opening gifts and then fill their bellies with yummy food. After they were full, Harry always enjoyed playing with the toys or looking through the books, one of his favourite memories was a toy wand that allowed him to squirt water at unsuspecting victims. It was on toy that Sirius had admitted was a mistake in buying since Harry didn't seem to use it on anyone else but him.

The second part of the morning was when his mother would arrive. Lily would arrive at White Oak manor around eleven, and she would spend an hour or so exchanging gifts with Harry before the family would come together for lunch. As it always had been, one year, James, Harvey and Remus would go to White Oak, and then the next, Harry and Sirius would go to Godric's Hollow. It seemed to be the one day out of the whole year that Sirius and James—mostly James—would pretend that there wasn't something uncomfortable about the family arrangement.

But as Harry woke in his bed Christmas morning, he didn't feel that mystical joy that he remembered. If anything, all he could feel was dread for the day to come. He would be forced to smile and play happy family at his mother's home for hours, and only after presents, lunch and a few hours of chatting would Harry be allowed to leave.

Harry rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. He had managed to make it through Christmas Eve without altering anyone to his current inner turmoil. His father had also not said anything to his grandparents or to Narcissa, for which he was grateful. The fewer people who knew, the better. It had been easier to keep up his smile when he didn't have to suffer with his pain being rubbed in his face.

When they had returned home from their day with his grandparents, his father had asked him to sit down. Sirius had tried to help him, practically begged him to open up without dropping to his knees and yelling, please. But Harry just couldn't. How did he explain to his father that deep inside, he hated his life, that he wanted to be selfish and have his mother to himself? He didn't want Lily to be married to James; he didn't want her to have another son. He wanted her with them, spending Christmas morning in their PJ's and not having to go somewhere else so that he could see her.

There were nights that Harry could remember from when he was a child that he would wake up from nightmares. Terrifying images would rattle him to his core, and he would wake up screaming. His father was always there to comfort him, he would hold him close and calm him, but his mother never was. It hurt him to know that while he was growing up, desperately wanting his mother to be there to hug him when he was scared, that she was there for Harvey.

Today was no different, Harry wanted to be selfish, but he wouldn't be. Just like every other day before it, he would get up, dress, spend the morning with his father and then for his mother, he would pretend to be happy.

Throwing back the covers, Harry sat up and let out a heavy breath and told himself that he could do it. He jumped in the shower and scrubbed at his hair and his skin; by the time he climbed out from underneath the hot water, his skin was very red. He clenched his jaw as he dried himself, his towel burning against his irritated skin. Harry dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans, a black button-up and a pair of black boots. He combed his fingers through his hair and then slid his wand into his back pocket. The young man in the mirror could make people believe that he was fine; they wouldn't see the teenager who was struggling to breathe.