Ruins of Our Love #wattys2015

Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning feeling terrible. Headache and sore. I woke up in the middle of the night again, and moved back to my room, hoping none of my family members realize my nightly troubles.

I take a hot shower and get dressed. I found mum in the kitchen still making breakfast. I assume I'm last to wake up. Dad must've left for work and my younger sister Grace must've gone to college already.

"Good morning, mum" I greet her politely.

"Morning. Sit and drink your tea" she orders. I sit on the stool at the breakfast and politely sip the tea.

To be honest, I can't drink tea anymore. It's too closely related to Daniel. He always keeps me well supplied of my favorite Twinings Mint and Green Tea. I try to not let the pang in my chest get to me while I struggle to drink the black tea mum made. 

My mother is an old-fashioned mum. She cooks and cleans and does the housework. Sometimes she would attend social events. During my childhood days, she was a fun mum. She would let us get away with certain things.

I was terrified of my dad back then. Mum was easier to ask to compromise. As I grew older, she just changed. I changed too, the mistakes and terrible things I done in my past changed me. I became more closed and controlled. She became more uptight and strict. We grew distant as well.

Especially after I turned 13, the things I did got more serious and she kept me tied in her reins as the years go by. No, I wasn't one of those troublesome children. I did well in school, almost never failed a paper. I just did some things which were, well, serious. I hate to travel down that path. I am already broken as I am, don't need it to go further.

"So, where are you off to today? Work?" mum asked while I ate breakfast. 

"Nope. The lab is closed today. Maintenance.I'm going to visit Leeya. Haven't seen her in a while" I reply.

Leeya is my best friend. She knows I've been struggling with Daniel leaving, she made me go to a therapist today. I hate shrinks. Or anything to do with psychology. I am going to see this shrink to humor her, and plus, she is paying the doctor bills.

I lied to mum because I can't have her know my appointment today. She studied the basics of psychology once. The after-effect of her studies annoys me. Using those tricks she learned to dissect my mind. The last time I let her know my thoughts, I ended up regretting it. 

"Okay. Don't get back so late. Don't drink, no boys either" mum reminded me.

I sigh inwardly. This is how tied down I am. And that is only the tip of the iceberg. I kiss her cheek goodbye and drove to the hospital where I work. I wasn't lying when I said the lab is closed today, and I am planning to see Leeya later. 

"Good morning, Miss Alexa. I thought the lab is closed today?" The security guard, Tomlinson asks me as I walk through the door.

"Yeah, just need to check up on something" I replied, smiling politely. He nodded, letting me pass.

I took the elevator to the fifth floor, and went to Dr Morrison's office. A nurse greeted me,"Alexa Miller,right? Just go through that door. Dr Morrison is expecting you."

I nodded and take a deep breath. Here goes, mask on Lex. I thought to myself. 

"Alexa Miller, good morning. I am Dr Morrison. You are the Head Lab Technologist in this hospital,no?" Dr Morrison greets me with a bright, and practiced smile.

I reply with a small smile,"Yes. Hello." 

"So, why are you here?" he asks. "Take a seat by the way. Make yourself comfy" He gestures to the couch. I sit, stiffly.

"To be honest doctor, I didn't want to see you. My friend cares enough to make sure I go. And to be frank, I Hate, with a capital h, shrinks and the psycho-mumbo-jumbo you guys practice" I reply coldly.

Dr Morrison smiles. Fuck, he knows. I think. "You had a bad experience with psychology? I assure you, we are not all bad, like you think we are" he says with a knowing smile.

"No, doctor. You are all just nosey people. You act like you care, treating us. But only cause its your fuckin' job. We turn our backs and you laugh at how messed up we are, yes?" I lash out at him.

Gosh, I know I am breaking my mask right now, but I don't care. I need him to know how I despise him. 

"It is our job. You know, I could say the same to you. I could have you take my blood, you would immediately know I have HIV. Then I assume you would judge me, thinking I am sexually active and not fit to be a doctor, yes?" I am surprised at his words. Speechless.

He continues,"My sister is. She died from it. I was treating her injury one day and her blood infected mine. I am fit to be a doctor, not a brother. I was only 18 then. I wish I could've done something to heal her, but HIV has no cure. I am a living corpse so I intend to help as many messed up people, like my sister and I. Not just for the sake of my job." He sounds sincere. I am astounded.

"I..I'm sorry doctor. Do you tell this story to all of your patients, so they will share their stories?" I ask. 

"No, not all. You are a first actually. Most patients I deal with trust me already, but you don't so, I thought, if I share mine, you would share yours. Will you?" he replies kindly.

"I'm sorry doctor. Not all the details. I still don't trust shrinks. Here's the story. My mother. She is the reason why I hate pyschologists."I start explaining how my mum is, and when she took the pyschology class. He jots down what I say and nods at certain parts of the story. 

"Thank you. I'm sure there is more. It's okay. Baby steps, Alexa. Our session is over. Hang in there,kay?" he says with a grin. I can't help but grin back.

I left the hospital, conflicted. Why did I give in so easily? I know I am messed up but this mask..? "Just try lexie. I would love you more if you let yourself get help."  I take a sharp breath as I imagine Daniel saying those words. We'll see, Daniel.. we'll see..

*yawn* Hey guys! I would write more but I am so sleepy. So.. yeah, Alexa and I don't trust shrinks and pyschology. They only play with your emotions and thoughts. I hate it. Lemme know what you guys think! xo EllaJ

P.S. Is anyone actually reading my story? lol XD

P.S.S. The photo depicts how Alexa goes through her painful days.. All credits to the owner :)