Embedded

Chapter Twelve.

Oh God!

There goes that giddy feeling again.

My cheeks heat up as a smile manages to sneak up on me, after so many hours of sadness and tears.

"I...you can call me later."
"So you still won't admit you have a little bit of attraction for me?"

I do. In fact I've come to realise it's a lot of attraction and it scares me. I just wanted a clear conscious for when I did eventually tell him how I felt.

"Okay...cool, I'll talk to you later" he states before hanging up. I hate making him feel like this. I hate making him feel like I don't care, when I do.

I scroll down to Zweli's number, battling my own brain for how I'm about to do this. Simple, call the man. End it.

It shouldn't be that hard. I mean, what else am I holding onto?
Broken faith?
A cheating man hoe? A liar?

The words of Phakade ring in my head. Why can't I follow what I preach? How many more times am I going to allow Zwelibanzi to hurt me?
Not notice me?

Why is he not answering my calls?

Probably because he's with Mpilo...or at work.

I try again and it still doesn't get answered. Fine. I go to messages, getting comfortable on my bed as I prepared to type the longest text of my life.

'Hi. Since for some weird reason you wont answer my calls, I hope this message finds you well and healthy. I wish to just pour out my heart today and tell you how I feel. This relationship has not been the same since you cheated on me. You see I can't even bring myself to forget it cause it hurt me so much. I thought that taking you back and giving us another try would be the same and we would just continue where we left off but I was wrong. I never thought the day would come where you would lay your hands on me, looking like you were ready to get rid of me completely. I was wrong for believing that you would still be that funny and caring guy who wouldn't be afraid to tell the world about us. I don't know what I did wrong or how we ended up growing apart but the truth is, we did. I've noticed that I want to move on. I want more than this. There's no trust here, there's no honesty here and clearly there's no love anymore. This is me setting you free and letting you go be with the person who can satisfy your own needs and desires cause clearly I'm always going to be fat and not ready. Bye.'

I press send.

That was so satisfying.

•••

Evening hit and I was busy cooking something for supper. Buhle and Khaya were still busy with their homework on the lounge table and I was not about to disturb them, even with the news of my suspension.

The front door opens and Zonke walks in here. Our eyes lock, and I knew she had something to say at that instant. I wondered where she had been for all of these days. With a partner or?

"This family is a sham."
"Zonke..." Me.
"No, don't talk to me Ms goody two shoes."
"What do you mean?" I close my pots.
"Exactly that." She says and walks off down the passage, into Buhle's room.

I shake my head. I'll just ignore her then like any other day.

After eating, I quickly washed the dishes and got reminded of the trip happening this Saturday. Buhle told me too that she wanted to go spend her weekend at a sleepover at her friend's house. Which I allowed her to do so as long as she acted like an adult.

I sit on the couch and hop on straight to Google for something I could do at an affordable price for Bangi. It definitely had to have cars in it...or maybe a much needed dance class for the two of us. Those options are cheap.