Not Just Another Number

What If?

"Did you just talk about yourself in the third person?" Christine asks, faux concern in her voice, as she climbs in.

"Did he just call himself Daddy?"

"Where are we going?" Steve asks, ignoring them, as he starts the car.

"Weathertop." Dustin replies. Steve nods and pulls out of the mall parking lot. We drive for a while, not seeing anything but trees.

Christine and I rest in the back while the rest talk about Dustin's girlfriend Suzie. I glance over at Christine, and notice her conflicted face. It's like she's having a battle with herself.

I nudge her arm, making her look up at me. "You okay?" I lean over and ask, wanting to keep this between us. She nods, but it's not very convincing. "Tell you later." She answers, then faces forward, not paying me any mind.

She's been acting weird ever since the talk in the bathroom. I wonder if something we said bothered her? Suddenly, cutting off my thoughts, Steve makes a sharp left into a field leading to a hill. I slide into Christine, and she holds onto the side of the car.

The car starts to slow down the higher up the hill we get. "We're not gonna make it!" Robin yells.

"Yes we are!" Steve yells at her and the car. But no amount of pleading can make the car go up the hill. It finally stalls right before we get to the top.

Steve sighs and turns the engine off, climbing out of the car. We follow him and begin our small trek the rest of the way up the hill. Christine looks up at the rest of them, almost like she's comparing something.

She grabs my arm, making me stop. I look down at her, concerned. "Christy, you okay?" I ask again.

She doesn't answer, just stays quiet, like she's lost in her mind. I place my hand on hers and try to comfort her. "Hey, if you're scared, that okay. I'll be honest, I'm pretty scared too, but we're in this togeth-"

"I'm gay." She blurts out.

I stop, caught off guard. She takes my silence as an okay to keep going. "That's why I moved away from Derry. Somehow, people found out, and it was bad enough Derry's full of racists, stupid Bowers wouldn't leave me alone and almost killed me on several occasions. That kid was a straight psycho. When Robin came out in the bathroom, and you and Steve were so accepting, I thought that maybe I could come out too. That you guys would accept me too."

She lets go of my arm and shrinks in on herself. "I just wanted to tell someone before I died, and I trust you more than anyone else. And...I think I'm in love with Robin... And not like basic, schoolyard crush love, more like what you and Steve have."

She breathes heavily from her speech, not looking me in the eye. I grab her arm gently, making her look up at me. There's a bit of fear lingering in her eyes.

"Christine, if you haven't guessed, you are my best friend, of course I would accept you, gay or not. Thank you for trusting me with this. And if I could, I would roast that Bowers kid if I could for those attempts." She laughs wetly, wiping her eyes and smiling widely.

"Honestly, I'm pretty sure Robin likes you back. Like, I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to feelings, but even I can see those looks she gives you." She blushes, but she hides it by hugging me tightly. "Thank you." She whispers.

I hug her back, resting my chin on her head. "You don't need to thank me, I didn't do anything any good person wouldn't do. And anyway, you're not going to die, I'll make sure of it."

"How are you so sure? I trust our plan, but what if something happens?" Christine asks in a small voice. I tense hugging her tighter. If she trusts me with her secret, I have to trust her with mine, a secret for a secret kind of thing?

I sigh tiredly. "Even if our plan fails, I have a back up plan. The only person who would die would be me, that's what he said."

She lets go, moving back. "What?"

I look down. "The vision, Billy gave me a plan, he said it would kill the Mind Flayer, but I have to die for it to work."

"But you're not going to use it, right?"

"I will if I have to."

She stutters, but I cut her off. "I don't want to, really. I'm going to do my damnedest to not use it, but if push comes to shove, it will have to be done." She tries to say something, but Dustin interrupts her. "What happened, you guys fell behind?"

I plaster on a fake smile and wave up at him. "We're on our way!" I turn back to Christine, letting the smile drop. "Please, keep this to yourself. the others would freak out if they knew." Christine seems to fight herself about it, but she gives in eventually.

She nods slowly, giving me a pitying look, as if I've already signed my death certificate, and in a way, I have.

We face the hill and begin our trek. Let's just hope I don't have to use that plan, but life is a bitch that way, huh?