The Padawan and the Rebel

The Padawan: The Battle of Onderon

Ahsoka's eyes blazed in a way blue never should - like the hottest of fires, where it peaks azure against a smoky sky.

Adhara didn't want to admit to herself how burnt she felt by that gaze. How it scarred her soul, to see Ahsoka look at Lux that way, when it should be Adhara.

Ha, she thought bitterly. As if I have any right.

"What are you doing?" Ahsoka asked, her voice low.

Adhara pushed her detonator into Ahsoka's hands, brushing past her. "My job. How about you?"

Her skin felt scalded in every place Ahsoka's gaze landed as she walked away.

***

The rebels stood in front of them in a semi-circle, discussing their plans, while Ahsoka and Adhara stood off to the side, the holograms of Anakin and Obi-Wan hovering beside them. They had only been gone for a few days, but already Adhara missed the buffer they provided between her and Ahsoka.

She tuned the rebels out, turning to look at Ahsoka. Her friend didn't even look at her - instead she focused on Lux, who sat beside Steela, their shoulders touching.

Once, Ahsoka would have known as soon as Adhara's eyes landed on her, just by the thread that seemed to tie them. Adhara had always taken that for granted, how Ahsoka seemed to know exactly what she would do.

She'd taken a lot for granted, like Ahsoka's friendship and steadiness and by the Force, how their lips had felt together, like an undiscovered galaxy.

She swallowed hard, turning back to the conversation at hand. Her ears perked at Anakin's low murmur.

"Ahsoka, remember what I told you about staying focused."

"I can't help it, Master," Ahsoka whispered back.

"I understand."

"You do?"

"I do. But try to remember, always put purpose ahead of your feelings."

Adhara exhaled, letting his words sink into her skin like rain soaking into her pores. She tried to internalize it. Wasn't it exactly what she had told herself over and over again for years as a youngling, and now as a padawan?

Purpose over passion.

Purpose over everything.

Including Ahsoka.

So why did it feel impossible? Why did that train of thought now feel like a betrayal?

"Everything okay, Adhara?" Obi-Wan asked from beside her, looking at her with his ever-knowing eyes.

Adhara set her jaw. Gritted her teeth. And tried to push the persistent hurt out of her heart.

"Yes, Master."

***

Over the next days and week, Adhara did everything in her power to focus on the task at hand as the rebels tried to overthrow the king in Iziz. She didn't flinch when Ahsoka rode with Lux into Iziz, or when they laughed together, or when she caught Ahsoka staring longingly at him. She tried to convince herself it hurt less, and on some days she was almost convinced she was right.

Yet, somehow, she knew that was a lie. Knew  that Ahsoka didn't mean anything was a lie in cold blood.

But what hurt the most was the cold shoulder she fought off from Ahsoka, her back always turned to Adhara. The ice in her gaze.

Adhara didn't know how many times they could do this, go through this back and forth of love and hate, before something gave.

Now, in the dark of their hiding place in Iziz, rebels sleeping near them, Adhara stepped up beside Ahsoka, her heart in her throat as they gazed out across the city. It loosened with Ahsoka didn't move away from her.