The Guide To Moving On

Chapter 40 - PTSD

I looked around once again, and I saw it. I froze, not able to talk, everything went fuzzy, the ringing in my ears becoming louder and louder. It felt like the weight of the world was closing in on me, and it felt like I couldn't breathe.

The last thing that I remember was falling before I was emerged into darkness.

Nat's POV

We were running along the line when we stopped to create a plan. It was then that Steve looked over, saw something in the cliffside and froze.

"Steve?" I called out, trying to get his attention and hoping that the cold air wasn't getting to him too much. I waved my hand in front of his face, but nothing.

His breathing suddenly sped up and he looked around frantically, as if he was trying to find something.

"Steve!? Can you hear me?" I called to him again, my eyebrows knotting together at his strange behaviour. By now he was holding his head and shaking.

"Steve! Is this a joke? If it is, please stop, you are scaring me!" I called to him but he didn't stop, and he suddenly dropped to his knees, screaming.

My eyes widened and I dropped down beside him, trying to shake him.

"Steve! STEVE! Please, just answer me!" I yelled at him, but it only made it worse. His screams were now constant and he was shaking violently on the ground. His eyes were frantic, searching for something, it was as if he was seeing straight through me.

Tears were running down his face as he continued, freezing on his face in the cold air. His hands started flailing around, and it seemed he was trying to grab onto air.

"BUCKY!!!" He screamed again, this one much louder than the rest. It was then that is dawned on me. James 'Bucky' Barnes was Steve's friend in the army that died, falling off of a HYDRA train. No one knows the exact location, except for the screaming man in front of me. I wonder....

"SHIT!" I cursed, suddenly realising what was going on. The same thing that has happened to me several times before. He probably has PTSD, and something in the mountains triggered him.

I tried to wrap my arms around him, hoping that it would calm him down like it has many times before. But it didn't work, and he pushed me back, causing me to fall face first into the snow. I tried again and he pushed me away, screaming something about I can't hurt him.

"NO, NO, NO, NO! YOU KILLED! MY FAULT! YOU KILLED! DON'T HURT ME!" He kept screaming, louder and louder. He was currently pounding the snow with his fists, throwing snow everywhere.

There was nothing I could do. I have never felt this helpless before in my life. Ever. I have tried calling, holding him, but nothing is stopping it. I just had to stand back and wait for it all to be over. By now, I was crying too, still shouting at him, trying to get any form of response.

For minutes it continued like this, with him battling the air or the snow and screaming loudly, mostly incoherently. Eventually his screams started to soften and a minute or so later he stilled.

I rushed over to him and tentatively touched his arm, waiting for a response. I got none so I took this as my cue to wrap my arms around him and cradle him as we whimpered.

"Nat?" He rasped, after a few more minutes. I jumped at his voice, not really expecting him to recognise me again for quite a while.

"I'm here Steve." I replied softly and he sat up looking around.

"What are we doing on the ground?" He asked and I looked at him shocked. He has no recollection of what happened over the last 20 minutes or so.

"I think you saw something and you freaked out. You have been screaming and fighting for about 20 minutes. Do you not remember?" I replied, hoping that I wasn't scaring him.