The Buddy Program

01 | vending machine twix bars

The last time Jeongguk could remember his life being normal was when he was seventeen and about to lose his virginity to his girlfriend in the back of his car.

It was glamorous, he guessed. Although, now that he thought about it,  uncomfortable car sex with some girl he couldn't remember the name of wasn't exactly the best situation. 

It was basically as normal as it could get for awkward teenagers wanting a quick and easy experience. But even so, that didn't last too long because right before he could even properly kiss her, he puked.

Jeon Jeongguk puked all over her boobs like the great mood setter he was.

It was embarrassing— no, scratch that, it was basically life-scarring enough that Jeongguk swore he was incapable of meeting any girl's eye for the rest of his life. However, when Jeongguk meant that was the last normal thing in his life, it actually was.

He didn't puke all over her because of the insane amount of Taco Bell and Baja Blast they ate hours before caused a chain reaction in his bowels. The next day when he went to the doctor, he wasn't diagnosed with a stomach bug.

He was diagnosed with cancer.

More specifically, there was a tumor in some weird place, and it just chose to make him sick right then and there. He got an earful from his aunt for not telling her sooner, but even Jeongguk himself didn't realize his inner parts were a breeding ground for some nasty, cancerous mass to make its home and kinda kill him in the process.

How could he when all he wanted was to just lose his v-card that night? She wasn't really up to argue with him, so he dropped the topic.

At first, it wasn't a problem to him. Or, well, he didn't think it was because even though cancer was pretty hellish, he didn't expect it to have the power to really change his entire life. Most people when they get cancer, they freak out.

Naturally some cry too, while others vowed to explore the world until their last, dying breath, but when he got the news, he didn't really know how he should feel.

Jeongguk was average. He was on the basketball team, but he wasn't good enough to really be on the starting lineup. His grades were subpar with the effort he did attempt to put into the bullshit that was school.

His friends were a bit on the delinquent side, but even so, they weren't anything special besides their fondness of drinking, cotton candy vape juice, and testing the speeds of their cars on empty streets.

He was used to not being special or extraordinary, or something worth looking at and thinking, wow, you're something I want to figure out. Jeongguk was fine with that, really. Being lack luster was his brand.

He was that book on the shelf somebody would pass by because the cover wasn't interesting, or someone would flip through his pages and decide he wasn't worth the time. But in that moment, it was as if somebody ripped out all of his pages and just stomped on them.

It was like everything he ever knew was destroyed, and nobody was going to put him back on the shelf because he didn't deserve to be there.

It was okay, he guessed, losing all his kinda-friends because once the chemo rounds started working, they were just as repulsed as he was when his hair fell out in chunks and he reminded them of what they could be if they wrecked their cars or got lung cancer from all the pods they vaped. 

He couldn't play basketball because as much as he wanted to, nausea hit like a fucking semi-truck and left him bedridden. Energy was hard to come by, and he wasn't needed or good enough to have a spot saved for him. So, he quit that too.