engaged to a mafia

46.

author note: she's not emotional she's kind of just broken inside. She has never caught a break in her life. Everything always falls apart for her. From her father, being married off to a man whose beyond complicated and now seeing she can't get pregnant. She has every right to always be hurting because she's never seen anything good in her life. Now that she has Luca...she won't really have him since he will have two wife's now. He is only going to be there for her half the time which still will never be enough. And just know she will never catch a break.

Also again is Luca building up his walls because he's scared.

2 weeks later...

I know he already found a girl. She's Italian and taller then me I heard. I know she's beautiful. Her father gives Luca marijuana and things like that sometimes and seemed very generous. Her name is Leyah and she's twenty one. And a virgin. Black curly hair dark blue eyes and an outstanding body.

Of course Luca will be railing her every night and I'm going to be in my room. Listening.

"We need to talk." Luca says and he's been saying it for days but I haven't been able to speak to him. I feel like exploding when near him. I'm angry but I knew it would happen. I wish my body wasn't against me or tucked up.

I stand against my drawers fresh out of my shower and he's standing right in front of me about to go to a dinner with some other boss people.

"About which part?" I'm being petty.

I'll admit. I'm always starting things with him. Always bringing up his mistakes but I can't help it. We could be having a good time then I'd bring something old up and ruin the mood.

"Every part."

"Let's start off with the fact you told me you loved me." I finally push. It's been two long and he probably thinks I forgot.

"I didn't mean it."

He's joking? I think I just feel my heart break into pieces.

"What." I breathe.

"It was an instinct."

"So spending every day together means nothing to you? Intimacy, laughs or even screams meant nothing to you? Are you fucking serious." I'm more pissed then sad.

"It did but not love."

"Did you love me?" He asks.

"Of course I'm in love with you." I finally admit to not only him but myself.

"And I thought that our days being based skeins each other meant anything to you. You can't say things like that and take it back. It's not fair. "

"You sat there and told me you loved me. So yes it does hurt but I understand why you would go ahead and marry another women. Who will live in the same house as us. Who you'd have to take her virginity from. Who will have to go through a whole process like me because that's how it is."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else you want me to say!" He yells at me.

"Me too." I whisper.

His hands place on the sides of my face as I just cry. I don't think I've broken down since the hospital. Even the funeral I didn't spill a tear.  

I'm so tired. Of everything. No one understands.

Now he's trying to comfort me and it's pathetic.

"Get out. " I breathe removing his hands.

"Odina."

"We are now nothing more then some alliance. I can't keep doing this with you. I hope she makes you happy or gives you more then I ever tried to. "

I just wipe my tears and wait for him to leave.

I think I need to leave though.

But I'm stuck. Being a mafia leader. Everyone expecting so much while I do nothing more then get hurt everyday.