Guilt

Chapter 21

The three of them had been a family for fifteen years and that all made Regina understand even better how terribly hard Emma and Hope's loss was. For many years, they hadn't had anyone else but each other.

"Speaking of.. you and I haven't hung out just the two of us in like.. ever. What's the deal with you and Emma now?" Ruby asked. She figured she might as well ask some questions about the relationship that Emma claimed they didn't have. "Still fucking, but not dating?"

Regina pursed her lips together and shook her head no. "We're just friends."

"Yeah, well, you were "just friends" when you were sleeping together as well," Ruby mocked and pointed at Regina's cup of tea. "Can I have that?"

Regina chuckled somewhat confused and nodded. "Sure, I can make you a cup, though," she offered but Ruby had already grabbed her mug. "And we're not having sex. We've both been occupied with other things."

Ruby took a sip of Regina's almost cold tea and a look of disgust immediately appeared on her face. "What flavor is this?" she asked and quickly set the mug down. "Yuck."

"It's lemon ginger. I like it," Regina replied and shrugged.

"How? Yikes," Ruby said and shuddered. "Anyway, do you want something to happen between the two of you?"

Regina stayed quiet for a moment, which Ruby immediately took as a yes. Frankly, though, Regina didn't know what she wanted. She didn't want a commitment, yet she did feel something more for Emma.

"No, I'm not sure," Regina said. "I don't think so. I just got divorced and I like the way things are now. Plus, Emma is way too good for me. She deserves someone who hasn't made a mess of their life, like I have."

Ruby tilted her head and looked somewhat confused. "Why do you keep telling yourself that your life is a mess and that you're not good enough for other people?"

Regina swallowed. "Regina, you're an absolute delight to be around. And apart from your taste in tea, there's nothing wrong with you. You have a job that you like, you have friends that are totally, one hundred percent amazing. And you live in a big ass house that has the most comfortable couch I've ever sat on. You're funny, pretty and I don't think you realize how much you do for other people. Look at Emma, I've never been able to talk to her and help her like the way you have. No one has."

Ruby looked with a serious expression and a frown upon her face at Regina, to show just how much she meant it. She'd noticed when she first met Regina that the woman never deemed anything she did good enough. Regina didn't necessarily strive to perfection, but she did seem to feel horrible about everything she did, simply because it wasn't good enough.

"Thank you, Ruby. That's really nice of you to say," Regina replied and shifted in her seat.

Ruby smiled brightly. "Hey, if you and Emma never work out, we'd make a pretty hot couple."

Regina chuckled softly and nodded. "We probably would, yes. Though it's not that I don't like Emma, it's that I don't want to be committed to someone."

"How did you manage to get married to Robin with commitment issues like these?" Ruby asked confused.

Regina shrugged and bit her lip, trying to think of a good response. "I always wondered that. I don't think the committing to someone itself is the hardest. It's staying committed to someone that I'm incapable of doing. It feels too much like I'm in a cage."

Ruby wanted to respond, but Regina's phone rang loudly. She immediately grabbed it and looked up at Ruby. "It's Emma," she replied and could barely hide her excitement.