Merciless

24

I started panicking. I wanted to disappear. I didn't want to be here.

At the same time, I didn't want him to be mad at me. I wanted to hug him and just feel that safety and comfort.

I opened my mouth to explain. "I told you, I... I didn't mean to come, it just happened"

"How can it just happen?!" He snapped. "All you had to do was say no! if you didn't want to come. You had the whole day to decide. You can't tell me that you just happened to be dressed up in that fucking dress that makes you look like a slut! and you just happened to  push out of the door and came here!" He yelled at me.

I couldn't control how I started shaking then. I was scared and sad. All I can think about is, is mad at me. My subconscious mind screamed, I hate it when he was mad at me, while I was thinking I didn't even know why I feel and thought this way.

I shook and tears were already leaking out of my face. His face was soo scary. So I closed my eyes as tightly as I could and started backing up to the couch. I wanted to leave. I wanted to run.

My sobs broke out of the room.

"I'm sorry" I chocked out.

I heard him curse and take a few more gulps of alcohol and keep the bottle on the table before I heard him standing up. I heard him take a few breaths and him walking away.

I then put my hands on my face and cried into it. I felt so small. I have had others call me names and I have never cared. I would just ignore them or speak up and put them in their place. But right now I felt so sad.

But with him, with Damien, I was a mess. I was so weak and sad. It's like he bought the best and the worst in me.

I wanted to go!

I felt footsteps near me and him sitting next to me. He carried me onto his lap like it was nothing and I settled on his lap like I have been there before. Like it was instincts I hid my face in his chest and sobbed into it. He wrapped one arm around my waist and with the other, he was caressing my head to calm me down.

What is wrong with him?

He confused me so much.

"Angel I'm sorry." He said trying to be soft as much as he could. "I didn't mean to call you a slut, I just..." he paused trying to find the right words, " well you look beautiful and the dress compliments your body perfectly, it's just it looks too revealing. People might get the wrong idea."

My head was still buried in my hands and with my buried in his chest. I couldn't stop the tears, I couldn't stop crying.

"Rosa please try to understand, I meant well. I'm sorry I sounded too cruel to you but if the wrong idea is given to people like them they will hurt you" he said again. He tried to calm me down but I still couldn't calm myself down.

I just cried. He pushed me a bit back so he could see my face, but I thank God I still had my hands over my face.

"Rosa... " he softly called. "Rosa... angel please take your hands off your face" he pleaded. "Rosa sweetheart please"

He then softly removed my hands from my face.

With tear-filled eyes I have faced him, embarrassed, and sad.

"Oh Rosa," he said softly looking confused. His usual cold expression had disappeared. He looked lost. "Angel, please try to understand why I'm telling you you shouldn't be here. There are people here who would take advantage of you. You have put yourself in a spotlight that is a bit dangerous, I have been trying to protect you for a long time by removing you from this spotlight and you waltz into this ball and I got scared. I have many enemies who would figure out who you are. Try to understand "

This got my attention.

"Then explain!" I cried out. "You don't know how it feels like. I know I know you! I know deep within myself you are someone very special to me but... but... I cannot remember anything. I have these... these" I closed my eyes as the dreams and memories that I have been having for the past few weeks flashed in my head. "Then today I get pushed around by everyone and I feel so weak!" I looked at him. "I hate being pushed by people. I wished I told Matt I didn't want to go! I wish I told the girls I don't want to go to the stupid rich people ball. I want to stay home, read a stupid book and wait for in bubble!"

At this point, I knew I was ranting. But I didn't care, I let it all out.

"Then you come along in the ball. I was trying to avoid you the whole time, but you obviously saw me and still ignored me the whole time. I now realize that it hurts me, and I don't even know why! Then everyone tells me to stay away from you!" I said in an accusing way. "But when I am with you I feel so safe, comfortable, and at peace. In my memory you are Damien, but people here call you Ascian! Which confuses me more, who are you?!, you seem to know me very well for a stranger! Then you call me your family! Minutes after you call me a slut. I don't even know whether I'm a slut because I can't remember sleeping around to be a slut but I do know that I have not slept around ever since I woke up from that godforsaken hospital which was filled with lies, the doctors, the stupid lawyer! And you!" I pointed at him angrily now. "You asshole!" I think I was yelling at him now. I was so mad.

"You seem to have all the answers but you hide everything from me! So you explain things to me so I can understand! Right now!"