In the depth of loneliness

Two

May 2nd, 2000

I've faked a smile before , I've held my tears in, I've lied about feeling happy when all I felt was alone . But nothing, nothing compares to the emptiness in my heart right now , the utter pain I'm experiencing. I had someone, someone that meant more to me than myself , someone that I longed to find, poured my heart and dreams into. This isn't real, I told myself . But in the end , I had to face the cold hard truth , that you're not here, that you're not coming back. I'm sorry , I'm sorry that wasn't good enough for you, I'm sorry that I drove you away , that my selfish need for compassion made you tired of me , I'm sorry that every aching moment I was pouring everything into you whist you used me for show. Now at this moment I find myself mad , upset , but also heartbroken , because you made me care so damn much about you , you made me believe in happy endings.But the real question is , why ? Why pull me into this make believe fantasy just to break my heart, just to satisfy your ego? . But I also wonder, did you actually love me? Is there a reason that you left ? I wish I knew , I wish I could ask you but you're dead ... you're dead..

this time the brunette wasn't writing to her "soulmate" but instead writing to herself . Tears filled her eyes while expressing the words she never thought she'd have to , the emotions she felt right now were overwhelming . The young woman felt in such confusion and sadness , such dark and lonely despair, what would she do now ? Who would she write to? Would she just write endlessly about her feelings , when she herself is the only who'd ever look at it ? The young women knew that Pollys roommate didn't want to receive anymore letters, and she's still waiting for a response from Pollys mom, so what now ? What will regina do?

The brunette didn't put much thought into it before deciding to get up and go to get something to eat , it's the least she could do , especially since she really didn't want to be in bed all day long, not while she was sad. Regina throws on a simple plain white blouse tucked into some black jeans , she fumbled around her drawer good smelling perfume, her hand finally landing on the cinnamon apple scented, her favorite, she quickly sprays some on her wrists and neck before putting it back in the drawer . The final touches of getting ready included getting her heals and purse on. The young woman made sure that she had her keys and phone then was out the door , it's the first time she's gone out in about 3 days. Reginas house is big and supplied with lots of food , to last weeks until the next trip to the grocery, she's got a king size bed and windows that look out into the fields , there's also the city which isn't too far from Regina , when it's night she can see all the lights from across the field , it's probably about a 20 minute drive to all the stores and of course the restaurant that she's just arrived at.

Regina stood watching her reflection through the big glass windows before letting a sigh go and stepping into the building. It smelled of rich tasty food , her eyes wandered around the big room at all the people talking and walking about. "Ma'am?"

The brunette snaps her head at the voice and finds her eyes on a beautiful redhead , much like Polly, she smiled at the waitress and nods "yes? Sorry I got a bit unfocused"

"It's alright , my name is Sarah , how many people will there be?" The women had a soft and soothing voice as she pulls out some menus

"Oh it'll just be me, thank you" Regina plays with her fingers nervously, she didn't quite know why she was so nervous, was it because she hadn't been to a restaurant in a while? Was it because of everything on her mind? Or maybe because Sarah reminded her of Polly? Perhaps all of the above . Once the brunette got seated she felt much better , especially when she could pull her menu open and scan her eyes through the listings . The only thing that she truly saw to her interest was the broccoli Cheddar soup , she loved the combination, especially during a semi cold day.

After warming her tummy with the delicious broccoli soup, regina decides to head straight to the bar, she hadn't been to a bar in a longgg time , so she was excited to meet new people and drink her feelings away which is especially what she needed after losing Polly . She grabs an empty stool across from the bar tender who had brown long hair with two red streaks perfectly symmetrical in the front.

"Hello, how may I help you?" The stranger had a perfect smile as she talked

"Yes , I'd like red wine , that'll be it" Regina gave her a nod and played with her fingers as a nervous habit, it wasn't long before the tall wine glass was sitting right infront of the younger woman "thank you.."

"No problem, beautiful, what part of the city are you from?" She leans on her elbows facing regina

"Oh I was born around here but recently moved about 20 minutes away , just facing the city, you?"

"I actually grew up in LA and moved here around the age of 14, what's your name?"

"My name is Regina, what's yours?"

" what a unique name , I'm ruby , it's a pleasure to meet you" she holds her hand out sweetly and shakes the other woman's before refilling her glass "so who will drive you home if you get too drunk?"

"Well I doubt I'll over drink myself , but if I do, I don't have anyone in mind" regina replied

"My shift ends around 12, I would take you home but I'm guessing that's too late?"

"Oh no, you don't have to drive me home, yeah I'll probably be gone by then , it's getting late" she takes down her last shot and manages driving herself home after waving ruby goodbye

Home, a place everyone longs to have , a place everyone feels safest at . Reginas lights shine out from in the big windows . She did feel a bit tipsy but not a lot , as soon as she got in , she kicked her shoes off by the door and immediately got onto comfy clothes and just like that she fell right asleep.

N/a: yes guys !! They will meet next chapter.