Saviours (Daryl Dixon)

44. Emotional muppet

I lead him into the ring before kick him into trot. At first he's against it till he quits and we start trotting around the side.
"Good boy!" I shout as he slows back into a walk.

I pat his neck and take him out the ring.
"Ash! I'm gonna go around the wall" I tell her and she nods before going back to brushing a ginger horse.
The ride was peaceful, we wen past the grave yard and I nod to Jesus and Jerry as they dig the graves.

They nod back and we keep walking till we reach the place that Rose would have ran though.
I bring him to a halt as I stare over the box that hides the passage. A tear slips before I could catch it and I kick spice for him to move.
Once we made it around the house I watch Daryl talk to Terra.

Looks like she's not sick
We make it back and I watch Ashley's smile fade as she sees my face.
"What's wrong?" She asks softly.
"Nothing" I say jumping off spices saddle and putting it next to him.
"You sure?" She asks again and  I nod putting spices head collar on.
"Alright well call if you need anything" she says walking off as rick strolls past her.

"Hey Thea" he says as I notice the letter in his hand.
"Hey" I reply.
"This was off Carl. I didn't know when to give it to you" he says and I nod taking the letter.
"Thanks" I whisper and he nods.
"This is spice. I rode him the first day we came" I explain patting the horse.

"He's nice" rick say patting his mane.
"I'm sorry" I whisper.
"What for?" He asks.
"I promised Lori and you that I would protect him but-" I start.
"Dont. It isn't you fault, I should have been their too" he admits as I pull him into a hug.
He hugs back for a minute before I pull away and wipe my eyes.

"I should go do something" I say and he nods.
"So should I. I'll Cya later" he says walking towards the house.
I sigh and walk off in the opposite direction.

I watched Daryl leave with Terra about an hour ago. He didn't say goodbye so I'm hoping he's planning to make it home before night time.
I spent the next hour contemplating opening the letter.

It felt stuffy like something is hidden inside.
I ended up making my way to the loft onto of the horses and leaning against a stack of hay.
I pull open the letter and feel tears fall as I pull out the same red fabric I used to tie around out hands the day we met.

I place it on the hay before pulling out the letter and sitting down as I unfold it.

To Thea,
I remember when you said you weren't good at goodbyes, so I'm just gonna say mine.
I wanted to thank you for watching me over the years and being the big sister I never had. Truth is, I wouldn't be here without you.
I guess that's obvious, now that I look back to how we met. That day, I was weak and scared. You taught me to be strong and to stare danger in the face.
I won't ever forget that but now I must ask that you and Daryl show the same love and protection to Judith, so she can succeed where I failed, surviving.
None of this is your fault. I know when people disappear you take up their guilt. But it wasn't you or dad or negan. This was me, doing something right in this wrong world, I hope you understand this.
Goodbye Thea.

I pull my knees up to my chest as I weep. After a few minutes I feel sleep calling out to my body.
I put the letter away before slowly drifting off to sleep in the hay.

It's been a day since Daryl ran off and I read the letter. A full 24 hours.
I've been doing small jobs and helping the prisoners with the jobs they struggled with.

Gregory came back and gave us a map from dwight. I guess that's our next move.
I huff as I sit down Infront of a bench. This maybe the last sunset I see.
Tomorrow we move.

"Hey, what you thinking about?" Carol asks sitting next to me.
"This maybe our last day. I'm not quite sure if I'm scared or not" I say and she looks down.
"What do you mean?" She asks.
"I fear for the group and what will happen to the kids after. I fear for my friends and what they would think if I dropped" I explain looking at my hands.

"And what about you? Do you fear death?" She pushes.
"I think- I think at this point I'm at peace with death. I've spent so many years thinking about it but I've always had someone at my side dragging me back. The last few years it's been Daryl, before then it was the greenes" I explain rubbing my hands.

"You can't think like that. All the people that died live in your memories, if you go then them memories die" she says putting a hand on my shoulder.
"And all they ever be are memories. Carol, I don't know what to do. My mind is against everything. I just-" I cry putting my head in my hands.

"Shhh it's okay" she whispers pulling me into a hug.
"I'm just sick of losing people" I whisper.
"I know. But this will be over soon, I promise. And as soon as it is we will March back to Alexandria and rebuild our homes. We can go back to only worrying about the dead" she says pulling away.

"Okay" I whisper turning back to the sunset.
She sits next to me and watches it as we let some of our emotions out.
I watch as the gate opens and Daryl and Rosetta strode though. My heart misses a beat as doubt and sadness fills me along side relief.
"I'm gonna go to bed. Got a big day tomorrow" I tell Carol.

"Alright, night Thea" she says as I walk back to the hay loft.
I set a box on top of the trap door and fall back onto the hay.

God damn mood swings! Making me look weak infront of everyone!
I mentally scream at myself as I roll over and stare out the window as the last bit of colour drains from the sky.

I hear a knock on the loft door before someone try's to push it open.
"What?" I ask.
"Let me in" Daryl grumbles.
"Shh I'm trying to sleep" I mumble half asleep.
"Thea!" He shouts making me jump.
"Okay? I'm awake geez" I grumble getting up and moving the box.

He steps up and into the room before closing the door behind him.
"Why ain't ya in the house? It's warm up their" he asks putting his crossbow down.
"A guy tried to feel me while my boyfriend was their. I wasn't risking sleeping in their while my boyfriend wasn't their" I grumble.
"Ya could have ask Maggie ta move Ya" he says side stepping me.
"And then I would have to explain what happened" I say.
"So?" He asks turning around to me.
"Just- you wouldn't understand" I grumble before sneezing.

"Ya gave yourself a cold" he says and I nod.
"Thanks captain obvious"
"What is wrong with you?" He asks rudely.
"God, I'm not doing this tonight. Can we sleep? I'm tired" I ask and he shakes his head.
"Listen I've already had a brainwashingly weak breakdown with Carol, I don't need another one" I say rubbing my head.

"Thea" he growls.
"Please Daryl" I whisper as a tear falls.
He looks shocked for a minute before concerned then sad.
"I'm sorry" i whisper.
"For what?" He asks stepping close and putting a hand under my chin.
"For being weak. Your so strong but I'm-" I start.
"Don't finish that. Ya strong. Your just under a lot right now. We all are and it's expected for you to be more emotional now. Barely eating or sleeping, it's worrying me" he admits pulling me into his arms.

"I don't mean too" I whisper.
"I know. Last night was unexpected and the food is a problem we are fixing, when did you eat?" He asks and I mentally slap myself.
"This evening. After work" I lie and he nods.
"Good. Let's get some sleep" he says picking up his crossbow.

"Where you going?" I ask as he gives me a confused look.
"The house" he states and I nod slowly walking down behind him.

Once we got into the house we took up our normal corner.
He used his body to shield me from anything and everything that could come our way.
I humm softly as he falls asleep and I smile at his resting face.
"I love you" I whisper curling deeper into his arms.
"I love ya too" he responds to my surprise as I fall asleep.