eve
i sip at the steaming hot coffee between my finger tips, blowing on it every so often to avoid burning my tongue, but i already had done - multiple times. i nervously await for harry to turn up, choosing a seat facing the entrance to the coffee shop so i can watch him walk in. i felt a sudden impulse last night to unblock him, text him, call him. do whatever i could do to contact him. so when he answered almost instantly, it took me by complete surprise. i never thought i'd give in to my feelings and message him ever again, but here i am. sat waiting for him to turn up to our favourite coffee shop after i requested to meet him. i know most of my friends would label me as a 'mug' for wanting to talk to my cheating ex, still missing him. but i guess that is the consequence of love.
scrolling through my phone, i wrap one hand against the warm coffee cup to mask my physical nervousness and glance up to the door every so often, waiting for harry to come trudging in. and to my surprise he does. his cheeks appear noticeably red from the cold weather, he walks over to me, awkwardly smiling as he sits before me. "hi." i mutter, now placing my phone onto the table.
"i'm erm, gonna get a drink. want anything?" he removes his jacket, now before me in a blue hoodie. the colour i absolutely adore seeing him in, the colour i always told him suited him the best.
"no thanks." i smile, gesturing to the still steaming hot coffee sat in front of me. he nods slowly, walking over to order a drink as i glance at him for a moment, taking in all of his awkward mannerisms that still haven't changed.
he walks back over, a hot drink gripped in his hand as he places it back down on the table, sitting in front of me. "you alright?" he asks, staring straight at me. i've come to realise how much i hate that question, a question i answer to with a stream of lies rather than saying how i really feel.
"yeah, are you?" i fib, bringing the drink up to my lips.
"erm, yeah i'm alright." he nods slowly, "i'm sorry about last week."
"it's fine." i shrug, "at least you're not seeing her anymore, she was a bitch." a slight smirk forms across my lips due to my insult towards leah.
"i know, i know." he sighs, "i shouldn't have brought her. i realised that like halfway through the party, i felt so bad."
"don't worry about it." i shrug, "it happened, we've both apologised." i softly smile at him, wrapping my finger tips around the cup.
"okay, okay," he nods, "i just brought her because, you know? i thought you would've been with cal."
"hmm." i mutter.
"but obviously you weren't so, i'm sorry for making that assumption."
"i'm not gonna lie, the last thing i expected was for you to turn up with another girl." i exhale, chewing the inside of my cheek anxiously.
"yeah, i shouldn't have." we both take in deep breaths at the same time and sit in silence for a moment, sipping at our drinks and every so often gazing up at one another. "what, erm. what was going on with you and cal?" he asks. would it be right for me to lie right now?
"uh, nothing." i slowly look up at him and our eyes lock. my leg begins to bounce under the table as i nervously await his response.
"oh right. well, have you guys fallen out or something?"
"i guess you could say that." i respond.
"why?" he furrows his eyebrows, a puzzled expression across his face. "you guys got along well."
"i know." i gulp, "shit happens." i shrug, sighing slightly.
"shit happens like, you and him sleeping together?" he asks, cocking his head slightly as he brings the cup up to his lips, taking a sip.
"what?" i raise my voice slightly and many heads turn around to look at us, causing me to awkwardly look down at the table.
"come on eve," i slowly raise my head again, "i'm not stupid." he takes a deep breath, "just admit it?"
"th - there's nothing to admit." i stutter, my heart now racing.
"eve." he raises his eyebrows.
"okay," i mumble, focusing elsewhere so i no longer have to watch his expressions, "yeah." i glance at him from the corner of my eye as he shakes his head.
"i fucking knew it." he mutters, now looking down at his cup. "you could have slept with anyone else, eve." he now looks at me with a disappointed expression.
"look i'm sorry. it's not a thing anymore, i just wanted to try get over you and nothing seems to work." i look at him with sorrow.
"alright." he sighs, nodding his head.
"i'm sorry, harry. he was just there for me and i took advantage of that."
"just a bit pissed off." murmuring, he pushes his now empty cup to the middle of the table, "i somehow knew it, it just hurts hearing you admit it."
"but it isn't a thing now."
"probably because he likes you, right?" he raises his eyebrows at me, questioning me.
"i guess so." i sigh.
"fucking knew it." he mumbles, shaking his head. now visibly pissed off, but how could i blame him? i'm now receiving the effect of sleeping with his best friend, something i knew i should not have done. i just wanted to somehow get over harry, attempt to move on from his toxicity, only for me to realise i somewhat played a part in our breakup.
"please," i look up at him shaking my head, "please leave it harry."
"how can i?"
"there's always drama, i'm just so fed up of it."
"stop creating it then." he mutters under his breath.
"you're just as bad for it harry, i know you are." i narrow my eyes at him as he breathes in deeply. "i'm sorry, there isn't much else i can say."
"okay, eve." he sighs, beginning to push his chair back as though he is about to leave. "and i'm sorry too."
"harry, wait." i cry out, "why's this so difficult?" i whisper slightly, resisting the urge to cry. i had never faced anything so difficult in my life, trying extremely hard to move on and forget about him because he hurt me. but for some reason, every time i see him, i find myself falling for him just like the first time i met him and it's killing me.
"i really don't know." he sighs, "but i know how you feel."
"do you though?" i argue back.
"yes, eve!" he exhales, "i miss you."
"so do something about it."
"i - i can't." he stutters, standing up in a panicked state as he grabs his coat. "i can't hurt you again." shaking his head, he begins to leave the shop. i scramble to the floor, shoving the chair back as i grab my phone and chase him out.
"harry, please!" i shout, watching him scurry down the street throwing his coat over his body as i run after him. "wait!" i sigh, hurrying towards him. he stops in his tracks to turn and look at me. "you won't hurt me again."
"i - i just don't know what to do." he brings both hands to the back of his head, visibly stressed. looking up at him, i breathe heavily as tears form in my eyes. "you've fucked one of my boys eve, i just don't know how to react."
"i said i'm sorry!" i yell, wiping the tear that tickled my cheek. "harry, please."
"i'm going home." he sighs, leaving me stranded in the street with tears pouring down my cheeks. i never thought i would ever tell harry those words, 'i'm sorry', after everything that happened, but now i'm begging for his forgiveness. no one else could ever replace harry, my heart drops to my stomach as a drag my feet back home, my mind wandering to the idea of us being back together. but that no longer seems likely.
