Hopelessly Hung Up On You

Chapter 22: Rollercoaster of Feelings

Derek's lips stay on mine for a good few seconds partially because I freeze from shock and also because I pause to really make sure this is happening. I would be lying if I didn't say a part of me is enjoying this. Derek's lips are so soft like clouds and they just seem to fit against mine so perfectly. It feels so different from when I would kiss Max...different but nice. Maybe even better than when I would kiss Max. Admittedly, I want to stay here with him forever, but I'm still so lost and confused. Why is he doing this? He shouldn't be doing this.

I finally shove him away, my hands instinctively going to my lips as I stare at Derek wide-eyed. He's looking back at me with a typical Derek smirk on his face as I'm caught speechless.

"Your lips are really soft," he says to me nonchalantly as he feels his lips with his fingers.

"De--I---you---Derek!" I finally manage to say. "W-Why did you do that!?"

He giggles. "Because you like me."

"So!? Just because I told you how I fe--"

"And I like you."

"--el, doesn't mean you can just ki--," I stop talking for a second. "What did you just say?"

"I like you," he repeats himself.

"But how? That's impossible!" I counter.

"Why?" he asks, furrowing his brow in confusion.

"Because you're straight that's why. You just broke up with your girlfriend!"

"Does it matter? I think I like guys now."

"Yes, it matters. You can't like me if you're straight...I'm not a girl and I'm not going to be your test experiment to confirm if you're interested in guys now, Derek. That's not how this works."

Derek puts his hand to his forehead in frustration. "That's not how I want this to work! Can't I just be Jacob-sexual then?" he says. I give him a serious look and glare. This isn't a game. "Look this is all new for me too, but I'm confident in how I feel because I'm sure it's you. I like you."

"And how would you know!? You just broke up with Emma! Are you sure you're not just getting your feelings confused!?"

"Well, it's pretty ironic. We broke up because she told me she had a crush on someone else..." I look at him somewhat dumbfounded and in shock. "A-And I said I was okay with it because...well...I was going through the same exact thing. I had a crush on someone else too. The only difference was...it was a guy. It was...you."

Derek's words leave me in shock. I can't believe what he's saying right now. There's no way that this can all be real. There's no way this can all be happening? Emma liking someone else while they were together? Derek liking...me? While they were still together? "You look like you just saw a ghost. Look I know it's surprising. Do you not like me back all of a sudden?" Derek awkwardly says, his hand behind his neck.

"Derek...you know I like you too..." He looks at me in anticipation, clearly feeling a bit of hope.. "It's just...I'm not so sure."

"What more do I need to tell you for you to believe me? I would never try to hurt you or play games with you, Jacob...at least not intentionally."

"...then...why did you ignore me when I told you how I felt? Why didn't you tell me how you felt when you broke up with Emma?" I ask, the sullen expression on my face clearly communicating everything I'm feeling right now.

"I mean...I tried to hint it to you a bunch of times. That day Max came here...when we went skating...but I guess you didn't pick up on it. Why do you think I asked you about coming out while we were skating?" Derek shifts awkwardly. "I know it's hard to believe, but I tried to throw some hints out...and when you didn't react or pick up on it, I started to doubt any chance of you liking me back. I was trying to figure out how to see if you really liked me. And after your birthday party, I was so shocked." I look at Derek in disbelief...he sounds so unreal right now. "But I was also really scared to be honest. I've never had feelings for another guy before and I couldn't believe you were reciprocating my feelings...so I needed time to process and think about what to do, especially because you first said it while drunk at your birthday. I'm sorry for ignoring you. But I know I like you and want to be with you."