Distraction

22.

Not even 5 minutes later there was a knock on my door. I quickly whiped my tears away and said "come in."

Michael slowly walked in and closed the door behind him. "I scared you didn't i?" He asked as he sat down on the edge of my bed.

I figeted with my fingers. "I didn't mean for it to happen. I'm sorry. I understand if you don't want to help me with my homework anymore."

"Don't say that. Of course i still want to help you. Let's just talk about why you freaked out." He said calm.

I really thought he was going to get angry with me but he didn't. Was it a trap?

"I really thought you were going to hit me when i didn't know the answer because that's what my dad always used to do."

I looked up at him. "But what really made me feel scared was the fact that you didn't hit me."

Now that I've said it out loud it sounded stupid but i didn't try to take it back.

"Because you didn't know when to expect it  you just braced yourself the whole time. You hoped i would just hit you so you could stop feeling anxious about it."

I looked at him. "Yes...that's right." I said a bit confused that he was able to put my thoughts into words.

"I'm sorry that i made you feel that way tonight. It's probably best if we take things one step at a time."

"But it all feels so useless. Even if i tell myself I'll be fine my body stil shakes."

"That's because you went trough a really traumatic event. And it wasn't just that, everything that you are feeling right now has been building up throughout the years."

Him saying that made me realise that I've really been feeling like this since i was a kid. When i think back of my childhood all i feel is fear.

"About that nightmare.."

"I don't think that's relevant." I said quickly .

He shook his head. "I think it's very relevant. Let's talk what's going on in your head when you try to sleep."

I sighed, there really was no escaping him and his talks.

"I mainly dream about my dad. It's never the same one."

"What does your dad do in your dreams? Does he hurt you?"

"Not exactly. He tells me things. He says that I look just like him and that I'll never escape that. He says that i will hurt everyone around me because his dna is in  me."

My voice broke when i said that. It was o hard to not believe his words.

"You are not your dad. Do you hear me Riley?"

I let myself fell against him and cried into his chest.

"You are nothing like your dad. You're not a monster and will never be one." He spoke softly to me as he wrapped his arms around me.

The fear i had felt for him an hour ago was completely gone. I let myself relaxed into his arms as i tried to believe the things he had said.

After a few minutes i pushed myself away from him. My plan to prove i was alright had definitely failed.

"I'm sorry." I whispered as i whiped my last tears away.

"Don't apologise for showing your emotions. Will you let me know when you're having another nightmare?"

"I will."

"I'm serious about that. Even if it's in the middle of the night."

I smiled at him and nodded.