Et Nos Cedamus Amori

XVIII.

"But it'll be the best if you stay unavailable to me..." Brett started.

"I guess so, too... It'll be the best for our friendship. And Toni..." Eddy added.

Brett wiped his tears and pretended to be fine living like this. Who the hell tells their best friend all that just to come back to their significant other? Brett asked as he looked at his best friend. He already told himself nothing good would come out of a confession.

- - - - -

April 19, 2014

The fire behind his voice is nothing compared to the ice behind his stares. Who the fuck tells you they love you only to leave you alone afterwards? Who the hell tells you that you're the one they love then immediately come back to the love of their heart?

Why can't I let him go and let him be free with the one he loves?

Everything about him melts me, the fire from his voice and the heat from his love... Every single fiber of my body is incinerated but he cannot see the forest fire he had created out of me. He cannot reduce the fires because there is no amount of water that could burn me out.

Goddamn those brown eyes that I just can't resist. This is so infuriating... Why do I keep on playing with the fire of his soul? Mine sure as hell ain't freezing, rather my soul is in a drought from his love. His fire is in an intended and extended heat wave and his love is making me insane.

While you my lover? You have been nothing but the oceans of love pouring over me... You always try to lessen the damage of his drought but let me tell you something... Your ocean is not enough, it dries out too. You cannot heal this desert that I had crafted over the years.

You cannot make it to a beautiful  shore or a wonderful beach that could be a honeymoon island. No, lover of mine. You deserve the moon and I know exactly who deserves you and will nourish you.

I know exactly who deserves you and I cannot believe I haven't done this earlier. I know who your moon is, my lover. You are his beloved and that's better than being a lover. Here I am, letting you be with your moon.

Honey, your ocean isn't necessary. The drought of me will never be cured, for I had carried it with me until now from my past life. Forgive me for wasting your efforts, I hope his love for you will help you. He needs you and you need him.

You don't need my drought. You need the moon.

Brett stopped writing and picked up the phone next to him. He knew exactly who to call and did why. His thumbs brush against the keys and typed a name. He should have done this before moving to Sydney.

"Hey, Dan..." Brett started over the phone, nervously fiddling with the pen in his right hand.

"Hey, what's up? You called in a bit too early... You okay?" Dan asked over the other side of the line.

"Yeah, it's just, something dawned on me this morning... I can't help but think of you..." Brett started honestly, no filter in his voice.

"Really? What is it?"

"You love him so much, don't you?"

There was a piercing silence between the line but Brett reassured him.

"Bro, nothing bad would come out of this phone call. It just, made sense that you were in love with him. Well, still in love..."

"But how?"

"Well, Davydov, it's been quite a while, isn't it?" Brett asked, no malice behind his voice. Just checking if he was correct or not.

"How did you know?" Dan asked, quite surprised.

"I've had my intuition tell me... But aren't you glad he isn't family now than before?" Brett asked.

"I am, but he still treats me as family..."

"It's because he doesn't know. Let him know, Dan. The past wasn't good to the both of you, you could make it better now... As Dan and Jordon, not Davydov and Tchaikovsky. Let him know..."

"But what about you?"

"I don't deserve him as much as you do, I assure you that. I still love Eddy, Dan. I don't want Jordon to be the second option, not when you have him as your first. He deserves to be first." Brett admitted, still fiddling with his pen.

"You sure you'll be fine?" Dan reassured.

"Yeah, I'm really sure. Go to him, Dan."

"I will..."

With that, Brett hung up with a smile on his face. He was happy that his friends get the love that they deserve. As for him? He'll think of himself eventually, just not now. For now, he could only be the best for his friends and maybe for himself too. He loves him, but he'll never be loved.