Et Nos Cedamus Amori

XI.

Brett was still aware, though. They had a photo of them taken and they had just finished the concerto. Von Meck decided to become Pyotr's patroness and Brett was glad he could help. Brett was extremely fatigued but he did not mind, he was happy.

"Kotik, I am decided. I would marry her." Pyotr whispered as he continued playing with Brett's hair.

Brett got up and looked up to Pyotr. He smiled and gave Pyotr a look that said "I told you so."

"That is very well, Ilyich. She understood and consented to what you wanted, right?" Brett asked.

"Yes..."

"Well, that is the most important thing." Brett said as he laid his head down on Pyotr's chest.

Jordon shook himself from the daydream. Pyotr? Ilyich? As in his past life was Tchaikovsky? Jordon sat himself upright, trying to make sense of what was happening. Tchaikovsky was in love with a man named Kotik?

All these questions run through Jordon's head. Decided that he doesn't want to be confused, he looked it up. He read researches about Tchaikovsky's life, most especially on the love part. Upon reading, he found that his dreams as a child fit closely with Tchaikovsky's childhood.

He called up Dan again.

"D-dan... My past life was Tchaikovsky's. That explains the childhood dreams! The melodies!" Jordon said, still shaken up.

"I'm coming over. Stay there, okay?" Dan said as he hung up.

True to his word, he was there at almost an instant. He welcomed Jordon with his open arms and Jordon just cried. It was the first time he had a clear identity of who his past life really was.

It might look ridiculous, seeing two men in the hallway of Jordon's dormitory as he cried. It was an unusual sight but Jordon didn't seem to care now. It made sense but something about it makes him sad. It was like he pitied Tchaikovsky as he lived his past.

"Kotik... One of the men he fell in love with. Well, his name is Yosef Kotek but Pyotr gave him the nickname." Jordon said, trying to calm down as he faced Dan. "I'm sorry... I know I'm not the crying nor the affectionate type but it was too sad." Jordon added, apologizing for the breakdown.

"Affectionate or not, you need the comfort. It's okay to cry and not always know your shit." Dan said, rubbing Jordon's back in order to comfort him. "C'mon, let's go inside. I'll make you tea." Dan added, leading Jordon's sobbing body inside his own dorm.

He made Jordon sat down on his bed as he prepared everything that he needed to. Once two cups was filled with tea, they both sat down and talked about everything and nothing all at once.

"Pyotr, we just cannot do this." Vladimir Davydov said, pushing Pyotr away a little.

"I am well aware that we cannot, Bob. I cannot allow you to be with an old man like me... You deserve better, if I am being honest. I am just here to profess my love and that is all." Pyotr said, being the one to set the distance between them.

Tchaikovsky sat down and sighed. Davydov tried to look indifferent about it but something deep inside him felt as though he did love the man, too. But there were so many problems about this.

First of all, they were both men and it was illegal. Second, the age gap was huge. Third, they were relatives. It goes against both of their morals so they do not push the relationship.

"Pyotr, I do not think you are in love with me..." Davydov said, filling in the silence with convincing words. More than convincing words for they might hold much truth. They are all his assumptions.

"Bob, I am. Believe me when I tell you that I would catch all the constellations and mark them all in your skin for you are as heavenly as they are." Tchaikovsky said, a bit more defensive now.

"I am not regarding your feelings as null, Pyotr. I just think that you are trying to get over Kotik. Now, you are just convincing yourself that you are in love with me because I am available. I do not think you would love me if I had a wife and children." Davydov replied, looking at Tchaikovsky who was still sitting in the chair.

Pyotr was quiet after that. He did love Davydov, that was not a lie. Yet, he was on to something that Pyotr cannot admit to anyone yet. He really did need to fall in love in order to make himself feel more significant in the world.

He needed love in order to be complete and he cannot find it with the opposite sex. Pyotr always wondered and lamented about the fact that he was not like any other men who found it easy to fall in love with a woman. That way, he did not have to worry about feeling empty.

"I cherish you very much, Bob. I am infatuated..." He said, looking up at the man with a smile.