Chapter 21

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Y/n's pov

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I just feel so weak and tired I mean seriously a full day of testing for cancer followed by a night with about 3 hours sleep after pouring your heart out and spilling all your dirty secrets to your sort of crush. 

Speaking of, I haven't spoken to Peter since it all happened, all he said was 'thankyou for telling me' which I almost preferred over millions of questions and long looks of pity and despair for me. I cannot stand people pitying me, it makes me feel so awkward and selfish as my problems are rather minute in comparison to so many other people. 

We pull up to the house and Cap insists on carrying me to my room despite my best efforts to tell him I didn't need it. He sits me down in bed and pulls the covers over my legs, he just stares at me a moment. 

"How are you feeling?" I ask him concerned at the deep bags forming under his eyes, he looks at me in amazement and just laughs and shakes his head "What?" I ask him smiling 

"I can't believe you're seriously concerned about how I feel right now, it should be me asking you that." He says holding my hand tracing light circles with his thumb soothing me

"You don't need to worry about me, I'm concerned about these" I say using my free hand to gently trace over the bags I had spotted earlier.

"Yeah well I didn't get the best night sleep last night after you know...everything" he smiles weakly and I look away feeling a stab of guilt from his words, knowing that I am the source of his pain makes me feel sick. 

"Don't stay awake on my account, these bruises will disappear soon enough but those bags won't unless you let yourself rest" I smile "I mean seriously you need to make sure you're taking care of your-" I'm cut off by Steve

"Y/n stop just stop" he says standing up with almost impatience washing over his face "stop acting like your fine, we all know you're not, let people worry about you okay, we're allowed to worry!" 

"But you shouldn't okay! Not until we know exactly what this all means" I say raising my voice as he did "I hate you all wasting so much time on me!!"

"But Why?!" He asks borderline shouting 

"Because I don't want you wasting you're precious time on me when I'll probably be dead soon anyway!" It slipped out. I didn't mean to say that. I mean it's what I've been thinking but I never ever meant to say it out loud. I shouted it too I mean I really yelled. Steve's face falls and he sits back down onto the bed and puts his head in his hands "Steve I-" I trail off completely lost for words why did I open my stupid mouth. He looks at me with tears in his eyes.

"Don't talk like that y/n, don't you dare start losing hope okay everything is going to be okay" He says pulling me into such a tight hug as I let my tears fall hard down my face and spill aggressively onto his shirt 

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you" I say muffled through his shoulder. He just hugs me tighter and I take that as forgiveness enough. "Thankyou" I say feeling relief for the first time in a while

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