Unable to let go, unable to run away | Kagehina Angst

World apart between us

⚠TW: mentions of physical abuse! You've been warned!⚠

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*~Play "You Are a Memory" by "Message To Bears" - Kageyama's point of view (POV)*~

I ran at full speed from Hinata's house, unable to look back. "I did it again, I pushed everyone away again... I guess some things just never change..." I thought to myself, tears were still running down my face together with the rain pouring down from the sky. I don't know for how long I've ran, but it felt like forever: my legs were screaming in pain, but I refused to let them stop. I listened calmly to the rain and my quick breathing as I ran, counted every breath I took as if I had nothing better to do.
Finally, after endless running towards the unknown, my legs collapsed on the floor. Unfortunately, I wasn't a robot, running forever wasn't an option. After a few seconds of attempting to catch my breath, I looked around and noticed I was sitting in a park, it was completely empty. "I am not surprised, it's around 9 PM in a rainy night, who would let their kids play in a park at such a day" I thought to myself. I took a seat on one of the wooden swings, "I should have known happiness doesn't come so easily, guess I'm not one of God's favorites" I thought as a tears were starting to show at the corner of my eyes, begging to be let out. I looked down at my hands, unable to recognize myself: I couldn't see the boy who once laughed with everyone and loved Volleyball, it used to be my escape.. I guess all good things come to an end. I looked down at my phone and noticed I received a message, it was from the Karasuno group-chat "they really do text a lot, huh" I thought to myself as I let out a tiny small laugh escape my lips:

Daichi: YOU'RE ALL SO LOUD, go to sleep already, it's 9 PM! Good night!

I can already guess it's Nishinoya and Tanaka being loud again, as always. Their texts always cheered my up, I am so glad to have them in my life... The more I thought about it, the more I realized that we'll be fine.. We'll talk it out and we'll be okay again, like we always do. And we'll be happy.

I felt a lot happier, I finally felt ready to go home, what I wasn't ready was to face my dad, especially after disappearing on him for almost two whole days. But it's fine, I can take any beating as long as it means tomorrow I'll be with Hinata. I reached the front door, it looked rusty and dirty, I opened the door slightly, my dad was in the living room, watching TV as usual. I walked in slowly, the house smelled like alcohol more than usual. He stared at me with his cold and broken eyes as he stood up from his couch. I couldn't help but notice how terrible he looked, worse than usual: he had black circles under his eyes and looked like a living corpse, it's like he hasn't slept the whole time I wasn't here, waiting patiently for me to return. I felt my heart skip a beat, but not in a good way: I was scared, I felt so alone and miserable against him, and I hated that, but there was nothing I could do.. "WHERE WERE YOU, I CALLED YOU NONE STOP, YOU SON OF A BITCH" he yelled at me loudly, it hurt my ear but I said nothing, I didn't reply.

*~Play "Doppelgänger" by "Lissom, Julien Marchal, Ed Tullett"*~

He pushed me to the floor and kicked me everywhere in my body.. He kicked, punched, scratched, it hurt so much.. But I had to endure it... Why can't it just stop.. Blood was coming out of my body, it was warm, I couldn't feel any part of my body, I started to lose consciousness as I felt my body floating in deep water, I was being pushed down by something heavy, every memory I had losing it's presence and I was left alone, it was a reminder that in the end of the day, I had to deal with my problems, they were mines.. I was drowning in the water, trying to desperately get to the top.

"You've got to swim harder, if you give up, you'll never be happy again"

"Swim more, harder, you'll get there"

"Don't give up yet, he's waiting for you"

My body hurt everywhere, but I needed to see him, I had to! The top is where my happiness lies, it will be over and I'll be free..! I swam towards the light in the ocean of nothing I was in, it was my only hope left.

I reached it, I could see it, the light..! I raised my head up and there was!

nothing... Just more water...

"Ohhh, that's right... Not all of us were born lucky, some of us will never achieve that freedom.. Why do we seek freedom so badly? Is it because we feel trapped? Is it because we're controlled by society's unachievable standards: fat is ugly, too skinny is ugly, short hair is for boys, skirts and dresses are for girls...? Or are we just vulnerable creatures, calling ourselves the best breeds on earth but in reality, we're just as broken as the others..."

I was floating again, I felt free.. It this what death feels like..? I was back at my house, watching over my unconscious body from the corner of the room, the blacked haired boy's body was full of scars and blood was all around the room. I couldn't feel the pain anymore. But even then, I couldn't help but keep staring, tears falling down my eyes.. Everything went dark again, I was getting swallowed by it, it was so lonely, I don't want to be alone again, please.. Someone come save me..

"I promise, I'll be better tomorrow.. I'll be nice to everyone! I'll smile everyday and thank God for everything I have! I will be thankful to my friends! I'll be honest with everyone and myself! I'll grow up to be a person I'll be proud of! Someone worthy of Hinata's love!

I'll be better, I swear I'll be better"

I woke up slowly in my beat up body again, I couldn't move or make a sound, my dad was no where to be seen.. I crawled desperately to our balcony, blood continued to come out from my weak body.. I reached the balcony and just sat there, looking up at the beautiful shining moon above me. The light pressing softly against my skin was so warm and welcoming... The stars were dancing happily spreading over the dark-blue skies. My body started to feel heavy as I looked up one last time and appreciated everything I've had, and Hinata...

Thank you.

I closed my eyes one last time and fell into deep sleep that I'll never wake up from

I knew it was my time to let go

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Author's note:

Sorry for not uploading in a while, didn't have motivation but here I am! I hope you liked this chapter and sorry if I caused anyone pain 💀💀 I'll upload the new chapter tomorrow 100% because I already have it written, bye guys! ❤