querencia (G3 Series #2)

42

tw: mention of rape

Twitter

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
I'm really open to talk about my problems with Mommy and my friends so I had no plans to make this account. But after the nightmare I've had last night, I surprisingly had the urge to create this to release whatever negativities my little heart is carrying right now.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
The reason why I hate playboys is because my Mom had an ex boyfriend like that before she met Dad. A month after Mommy and Daddy's marriage, Mommy got raped by the same ex.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Mommy told me about this when I was thirteen. It was a month after my Dad passed away because of lung cancer.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
I was not that young back then so I had the capability of understanding and observing the situation. I need to understand Mommy because I'm the only one left beside her. I need to be strong, too, for the both of us. And if telling me that tragic story can lessen the grudge in her heart, then it's fine.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
The rapist paid for his sin. He killed himself before he even get his own sentence.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
I wasn't my Dad's daughter. Yes. I am the aftermath of what happened to Mommy. I am the child of the evil person who inflicted pain and trauma on my own mother.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Pero kahit ganun, tinanggap ako nang buong-buo nina Mommy at Daddy. Dad treated me like his own blood and flesh. Sobrang swerte ko na sila ang naging magulang ko.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
I suddenly remember Ate Lei. I don't usually pity other people but somehow, I feel that way kay Ate Lei. Like me, resulta rin siya ng sekswal na pang-aabuso. Her mother despised her so much because she resembled her father—the oppressor.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Lagi siyang kinukwento sa akin ni Kuya Brant. Kung gaano siya kasipag (kahit lasengga), kung gaano siya katatag despite sa mga challenges na hinarap niya sa buhay, at kung gaano niya kagustong mahalin at tanggapin siya ng sariling pamilya. I really love Ate Lei. Kung puwede lang na si Mommy na lang din ang Mommy niya. I hope soon she'll be part of our family 🥺

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
And then my nightmare last night 😩😩

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Sabi ni Kuya Trivo, kabaligtaran naman daw ang mangyayari in real life kapag masama ang panaginip.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Sa panaginip ko kasi... I was being raped... by men whose faces were blurred. Ang dami nila. Hindi ko na mabilang sa mga daliri ko sa kamay. Nagmamakaawa na akong itigil na nila pero hindi pa rin sila tumitigil. Tumatawa at parang sarap na sarap sila habang ako, namamanhid na at parang gusto na lang matapos ang buhay.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Natatakot ako. Bakit kaya biglang ganoon ang panaginip ko? Paano kung... mangyari iyon sa akin?

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Waaah! No, Rappy! Don't even think about it! 😠 Hindi mangyayari yon! Kuya Trivo said it won't happen! I trust him! Hindi niya ako hahayaang masaktan, sabi niya. I believe in him.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Sana si Kuya Trivo ang maging querencia ko 🥺 Yung tipong kapag siya ang kausap o kasama ko, safe ako lagi laban sa masasamang loob.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Tingin ko mabait naman talaga siya, e. Kahit medyo manyak yung ngiti niya hehe.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Grr! Bad, Rappy! 😩 Ah, basta! Pero I admit that he's gwapo 😅🥰 Kaya siguro siya naging crush nina Dias at Ate Emerald.

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil
Saka bakit ganun? Why do I feel like... I want to see him now? 😩🥺

ella 🔒 @rapmorwil 
Gusto ko ng Morrocan Mint Tea!!!🥺🥺🥺 Mommy, baka naman po hehe.