Don't Tell My Brother

Chapter 37 - Confused

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He managed to croak, holding up a hand before somebody tried the Heimlich manoeuvre.

Damien and Sofia roared with laughter, evidently both very pleased with themselves. Though Damien shut up pretty quickly when Lucas glared at him through still-watering eyes, and laughed out an apology when he elbowed him sharply in the side.

"I hate you." Lucas muttered, gulping in air before taking another bite of empanada.

"No you don't. C'mon, you considered it."

"I did not."

***

"Sofia asked me what I said to make you choke, you know." Damien remarked, as they walked together down the darkened streets, waving goodbye to the family that had gathered on the porch to say goodbye to Lucas.

"You didn't tell her, did you?" Lucas asked, horrified.

Damien scoffed. "As if. I told her I said you were going to fail your SATs, or something."

"Asshole." Lucas said, though by now it was more of a term of endearment.

Maria had insisted that Damien walk Lucas home, especially at such a late hour. The night was warm, Lucas was full of food, and he could just about make out the fading laughter and chatter of the house. He felt content, so happy and comfortable he found he was smiling to himself as he walked beside Damien. Every so often, Damien's knuckles brushed the back of his hand. Something had changed, he realised. There was some new, strange feeling in his chest, almost as if he could feel the weight of his own heart. It was big, and heavy, and every time Damien smiled he swore he could feel it ache. He didn't know what was wrong with him.

And whenever Lucas was faced with an unknown, he tried to figure it out. Which meant they had to talk about the kiss. Lucas liked things to be clear and simple, and two friends making out and then never speaking about it again was confusing and difficult. He needed to find out what it meant, and what he wanted, and what Damien was feeling. He looked up at him, streaks of moonlight caught in Damien's ink-black hair, the sharp line of shadow under his jaw and those dark, dark eyes. Lucas had no idea what he was thinking, and he didn't like not knowing things.

"So," He began, unsure where to begin, but Damien got there first.

"Why'd you kiss me?" He asked, and for a moment when he looked at Lucas he seemed almost confused, unsure, as if he really couldn't imagine why. "I'm definitely not complaining, but I really didn't see that one coming. Didn't think you'd have the balls, honestly."

"You're too kind." Lucas responded sarcastically, stalling for time. He frowned a little, thinking back to that moment. Why had he kissed Damien? He couldn't deny that he was attracted to Damien: Damien looked like that, after all, and Lucas was gay and had a working pair of eyes (well, when he wore his glasses). But it hadn't just been the fact Damien was hot. There'd been something else, some big, overwhelming feeling, when Damien took care of his siblings and gave him his favourite shirt and said he was stupid but sounded like he meant the exact opposite.

"I don't know." He began slowly. "I like how you are there. I like how you are when no one else is looking, or when you're with your siblings, or when it's just us. You're funny, and you say stupid things, and you're sweet even though you pretend not to be, and..." Rambling, again. Always rambling. Damien had a nasty habit of making Lucas say exactly what he meant. "...and sometimes you look at me in this way that makes me feel..." He couldn't put it into words, the feeling. It made him feel flustered and important and dizzyingly, giddily happy. "...I don't know. Something. And so I kissed you. Because I wanted to, I think." Because I wanted you.