A Wall Between

Chapter 13

Sasha lay down next to Cooper. He shuffled closer when Cooper draped part of the weighted blanket over him. Not quite touching, but close. "It was a bit like that for me before I got diagnosed. That happened when I was eleven and then everything changed. Suddenly everyone, my parents and my teachers, was more patient with me, gentler and more supportive and forgiving. Because I had a name for why I couldn't listen to the teacher in class sometimes or why I didn't want to go out to loud places with my parents. But I hadn't changed. It was like, until then, they assumed I was only pretending those things were hard for me."

Do not hug the boy. Do not hug the boy. It seemed like a good idea, but Cooper knew that hugging would lead to wanting to kiss and that was not somewhere this needed to go. At least not right at that moment.

"My middle brother also has ADHD and he's successful now, so my parents are insufferable about it," Cooper explained. "But it wasn't like he worked hard and overcame it or anything. He just realised he was really into programming apps and he had some good ideas and it took off. Now they think I could just do the same thing if I tried harder, but I'm only interested in useless things like animal facts and playing video games."

"I'm glad at least my parents have realistically low expectations. Now, anyway. I worked hard to disappoint them for many years to get where I am today."

"My parents are bottomless pits for disappointment, unfortunately. It's a shame. They're not, like, awful people or anything, but I hardly ever even talk to them because every single time they try to poke their way into my life. I know they're only trying to be helpful, but they won't stop with the unhelpful and unsolicited ideas and then they get annoyed when I reject them all. Like, I'm fine! I didn't ask for any of that shit!" Cooper took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. "Sorry. I'm not being very fun."

"Isn't that like the thing you said last time? Friends don't always have to be fun?"

Cooper smiled. "Heh. Yeah. You remembered."

"Mmhm." Sasha rolled onto his side, which brought him closer to Cooper, and pulled the weighted blanket more fully over himself.

Cooper's brain shortcuited. What had he been talking about? He didn't know. He didn't care. Was Sasha just getting more comfortable, or was he creeping closer on purpose?

Cooper stretched his arms out above himself and when he brought them back down he draped the arm on Sasha's side over his forehead instead of letting it fall back against his side, leaving more space for Sasha to creep his way into if he so chose.

They were both silent now, though Cooper wasn't sure if it was because there was a change in mood they had both picked up on or if that was all him and Sasha simply wasn't talking because he was always a quiet person.

Sasha fidgeted as though he was trying to get into a more comfortable position, but when he was still again he was closer. Cooper lifted the arm that was resting on his forehead and draped it around Sasha's instead. Pretense abandoned, Sasha shuffled in against Cooper and rested his head on his shoulder, his arm draping across Cooper's stomach.

Cooper wondered if Sasha could hear his heart beating — or feel it, perhaps. Surely this was non-heterosexual cuddling. Right? There was no way this was nothing. He could talk his way into a stranger's pants in less than an hour at a party, but here, with Sasha? He felt too shy to say or do anything.

Cooper's phone buzzed in his pocket and he reached in and pulled it out because, well, he didn't know what else to do at this point. He definitely didn't want to pull away, but he didn't think trying to push things further was a good idea and how long could they just snuggle in silence before it became awkward?