Invisible String

but nothing was easy between us

"That's not the reason why I did it." She said holding the door and looking directly into my eyes, just a few inches away from me. There was pain in there. Sorrow, regret, shame. She was as hurt as I was and I could tell only by the look of those brown, beautiful eyes. That made me change my mind in the blink of an eye. I couldn't see her suffer. That was worse that any kind of pain she could ever cause on me.

I've always put her feelings before mine, always, since then until now, in the present moment of my life. The fact that I loved this girl more than I loved myself was what made my life so turbulent and overwhelming since I returned home from LA. But I was the one who let that happen and it was my fault, nobody's else. I would only understand the importance of putting myself in the first place just a few years later, when she was not in the picture anymore and I would finally stop, breathe, and put my feelings back in order. But that wouldn't last long either.

"Let me take you to your appointment and then I'll explain you everything, please."

I just stood there for a few seconds, watching how heavy her breathing was by how fast her chest was moving, knowing that I had already made my decision the second I saw her getting out of the car.

"Let me grab my things, I'll be back in a minute."

The way to the hospital was as awkward as you're probably are thinking it was. We didn't say a word. The waiting room was far worse, I think that even the nurse could feel the tension between us. After my appointment and the certainty that my foot was healing in the right place, we left the hospital without knowing exactly what to do next. We just sat in the car and she started driving apparently to nowhere especifically. She just looked ahead and drove like it was a task that required one hundred percent of her attention and she couldn't get any distraction from it. So I just waited. Waited for her to decide when she would be ready to tell me the reasons why sometimes it felt like she didn't give a fuck about me and in others I was the only thing that ever mattered to her.

She stopped the car in front of the pier. The sun was almost gone and the sky had the most beautiful colors that reflected on the surface of the sea, leaving a feeling of peace and comfort that made me realize that I haven't felt for a long time. After a deep breath she finally looked at me.

"I'm sorry."

"What exactly are you apologizing for?" I asked genuinely.

"For everything. For what happened, for putting you in that position, for letting Tyler be an asshole and never do anything about it, for never being able to do the right thing." The colors of the sky were now reflecting on her watery eyes too. "You don't deserve it."

"It's not your fault."

"It is. You know that it is. We both know that."

The silence took over again. I was not angry anymore. I just wanted to understand what was going on inside of her mind so maybe I could calm down that overwhelming feeling that was controlling me for weeks.

"Why did you get so distant after that day? I was hoping that you would at least be there for me, support me, not in front of everyone else, of course, but I needed you in that moment, you know."

"I had to."

"Why? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing!" She turned in her sit to face me, reaching for my hand. "Absolutely nothing." She looked down at our hands together and a couple of tears rolled down her face. "I just... I can't let Tyler ruin your life."

"What are you talking about?" I was really confused at that moment.

"The reason why it took me so long to reach out was because I knew I didn't have any other option other than..." She didn't finish the sentence, but I could sense where it was going, and I didn't want to hear the end.