Vista - Attack on Titan x Reader

CHAPTER SIXTY SIX: Something To Live For

Shifting closer to him, I reached out, hand hovering over his bare shoulder.
"Levi, that...it wasn't selfish...It wasn't you-" I squeaked out as he grasped my wrist, squeezing just hard enough to keep it in place.
"Then none of the deaths you spoke about are your fault, either."

I didn't believe him, not even a little bit, but there was something in the sound of his voice that kept me from voicing that aloud. At least directly.
"I just...don't feel safe getting close to anybody anymore..." I confessed, my wrist going limp, still in his hold as I used my other hand to take the bottle back.

"So, you're saying that I...we...make you feel unsafe..?" Levi questioned, cautiously releasing me, hand sinking back to his own lap. Taking a long gulp, throat burning, I shook my head at the same time, having to gasp for breath after swallowing.
"No...that's the problem..." I admitted, discarding the drink carefully to my side. "You make me feel the safest...which is terrifying...To me, it just looks like a death marker..."

Between us, there was a long silence, the only sound apart from the crackling flames being the low rumbles of thunder outside. The air world surrounding our glowing bubble was cold, and it tasted earthy with each breath. It was almost calming.
"I get it. Why do you think I keep my distance from people?"

Glancing over to him, I tilted my head, visualising the fuzziness falling out and away so it would clear.
"Because you hate everyone?" Personally, I thought it was a valid answer, and Levi's lips twitched up ever so slightly.
"For the most part, yes, but it's also because I don't want to go through what I did with Farlan and Isabel again. I've always kept my distance, but the one time I didn't, everything fell apart..."

I wanted to console him somehow, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. For months, I had yearned to see this vulnerable side of Levi, but now that I was, it hurt.
"Then why d-"
"But..." Stopping me, he shifted again, facing me completely now, posture straight. "...I don't regret my time with them, not for a moment. Because they're no longer here, do you regret the time you had with your brother? With Eld? The others?"

All I could do was slowly shake my head, lost in his words. Never, not once, could I ever regret knowing them, even if I tried to.
"N..no...No, I loved them..." I murmured, feeling a familiar sting at the corners of my eyes. Levi bent his knee, resting his arm and looking at me expectantly.
"Then stop trying to detach yourself from others."

You don't understand...You don't get it..!

I allowed my emotions, along with the tingling sensation of light intoxication, to take control, and I lunged forward, blanket falling from my lap as I nearly knocked him backwards in an embrace. Burying my face in the crook of his shoulder, I clung to him tightly, uncaring of our lack of cover.

"If I don't stop loving you, you'll die..!" I cried, nails trying to cling to non-existent material on his back. "If I d..don't stop loving everyone...they'll all end up..." The way Levi's arms immediately closed tightly around me was almost enough to crush me, and I felt his breath skip, just once.

"I'm not going to sugar coat it. There's a chance that we'll die. We all will, one way or another. You've got to quit trying to protect yourself like this, girl..." Levi murmured close to my ear, and I clung tighter, almost as if I were trying to choke him with my arms around his neck.
"Then why do you?! Why do you get to stand alone and protect yourself like that?!"

A sharp pain spread from my scalp as my hair was grabbed, tearing my head away from the man's shoulder. Face to face, I froze completely upon seeing his expression. Eyes burning, teeth clenched, half shadowed and half glowing before me.
"Because if I let myself love you, then that's it! It's over for me..!"