Prose and poetry

Monol'ogging

What I know :

-Pain.

What I want to know :

-Why ?

I guess I deserved it. This pain in my chest, the death of the person that helped me the most in life, the feeling of loneliness when I hear my brother enjoying himself with his/her boy/girlfriend, The tightness in my heart I get when I remember what it's like to be next to the person you love, and my lungs being "cut" when I remember what it's like to get betrayed by your girlfriend.

I guess I deserved that, I guess I deserved that, I guess FUCK THIS SHIT !

If I could, yes, I would go back in time. But I would not make myself rich using bitcoin, I would kill myself in my mother's womb.

WHO, tell me, WHO would want a life like mine ? I'm a victim of almost every possible crime that exists, and I have almost as many mental disorders as there are fingers in a human hand !

And now someone wants to help me ? Give me a BREAK !

The only person I know that could help me is dead. And the only person I know right now that can help me is myself.

-Then why don't you do something ?

Maybe because I know the logic behind these words : "Help yourself !"

Then the only solution found is death.

-Then die ?

FUCK OFF.

I deserve to ask myself how I should end my life. Funny. Hey, God(s), is that really funny at this point ? What do you find interesting ? Do you get an orgasm each time I suffer like this ?

Do you want to see me die that badly ? But, isn't that against what you told humans ? Then, are you just a narcissistic pervert ? Saying no for the others while YOU can do it ? What ? I understood what I shouldn't have and now you want to kill me and make it seem "normal" ? Too bad I have more willpower than you get ideas to make me kill myself.

Or maybe, there is more to it ?

Maybe, and I say MAYBE, there is more than one kind of "god" and they try to fight by comparing who can have the biggest impact ?

You know what ? I find that so ridicule it's funny for me too.

Not today, Fuckers.