Unfixable [h.s]

12- Baby

So if I smile at someone I don't like it's mostly because I don't see a reason why not to, and because I'm not that type of a person who makes faces when people I don't like talk to me. I don't find it very hypocritical.

I look at the door and get my hand on the handle, twitching it downwards.

I entered the room with an eye roll and sat on the chair there silently— not looking at Harry. I looked at my hands for a couple of seconds until he spoke up.

"I asked her out"

I looked up at him and raised my eyebrows, not sure what I have to do with that piece of information and saw that his face wasn't as happy as they were before.

"Ok"

He smiles very slightly at my unbothered answer and looks up at the ceiling.

"You don't care much of it, do you?"

I lean backwards, deeper into the chair and my hands are resting on my stomach while I pull my shoulders up, not really caring. "Not really, no" his face are happy as they were before I left the room again and his smile on his face makes it hard to reflect as a mirror, so I smile back. "I heard what the guys talked about before you and Luke entered, I was asleep but not that deep"
I get confused about why would he say that but I do remember entering the room and the guys were laughing, "And?" why would he care for a couple of jokes?

"They were talking about you and Michael"

My body tensed and my back straighten up. What were they saying of me and Michael?

"And what was that, that they were talking about?"

Harry's smile changes a bit, he's no longer smiling but it isn't because of the conversation, just because how much can a person smile?

"They were talking about you kissing, Michael said he missed you and he was suprised that the first thing you did was kissing him but he was relieved you feel the same" I smile at his words and relieved that it wasn't only Luke that were saying it, but Harry too. "It's kinda rude to eavesdropping you know?" I giggle and he chuckles. "I basically had no choice but to hear it and I want you to put a little faith in me so it means telling you when people are talking about you, no? And I thought it might help you, I know it would help me knowing when a girl feels the same as I do if by not thinking a lot I would run and kiss her, then have no time to talk about it with her and have no idea what's going on inside her head... so.." The corner of my lips raised a bit and I began thinking of what he said, of course he's telling me he'd want me to trust him and not to actualize what I said about me taking my steps away from him and no longer talking to him but still, I don't know much of him and I can't put MY trust in him, I can't risk it.

"Listen, Harry, I see what you're trying to do but it won't work, you still don't trust me and I don't know you and I've been hurt so many times before that I just can't let you in my life right now when I still don't know a single thing about you that builds your character for me in my mind"

I look at his eyes that now have turned hopeless and I feel a little bit of guilt but I push it aside. Once in a while I am allowed to be egoistic and think of myself and look at my own good and not others. Now, these days made it all confusing. Now that the boys are here it's all different. The feelings I had for them before they left always remained cause they weren't here at my worst time so there is no bad memory towards them and it's mixing up with my mind cause I don't know how to feel in general and I'm scared to feel again. Let people in and hurt myself again. Losing and destroying all the walls I've built through the worst parts of my life. I don't know what to think anymore.

"Like you're having troubles at trusting me, there are still things that just like you I'm having troubles at talking at that easily with a person that I don't know that much. You're interested in why I'm at the hospital and why nobody's saying anything so here I am telling you, I don't wanna talk about it. I will in the future, if you would just fucking let me but you aren't giving me any chance! You just think of how much I can hurt you so you push me but it's not why I'm here for, I just wanna listen to what you have to say, I wanna hear you when you need it, be here just in case that the boys are on tour again and you have nobody left except for your brother that I know that he mostly with Cory and not with you. I can't trust you and tell you everything about myself just because I want you to stay. I can tell you little things, a little by little and that's what I expect from you too. Baby steps. It's alright, o don't expect you to just tell me everything all at once."