The Healer- A Draco Malfoy Fanfiction

Chapter 33

He ceased the kiss, leaving my mind reeling. I nearly forgot what we were even talking about in the first place.

"...Proper men don't kiss like that," I objected softly.

"Fair point," he said, looking down at my flushed face. "Kissing you is like teasing a dragon with fresh meat. It would only make me hungry for more."

His mouth lowered to kiss my neck, sucking gently at where my jaw met my ear. "E-exactly," I stammered, feeling hot and bothered. "S-so, no kisses."

Draco's cool lips lightly traced along my face, stopping at the apple of my cheek. "What about here?" he whispered in a gravelly voice. "May I kiss you here?"

"I-I suppose..."

I could feel Draco smile against my face. He lifted one of my hands, and gently held it to his face. "And here?" he asked, placing a teasing kiss upon my palm that made my knees weak.

"Would you quit teasing me," I requested weakly.

"I don't think I can, Erica." He pressed my palm to his cheek. He was ice cold.

I gasped slightly. "You're freezing." Of course he was cold- he was in the open air of late January in only a sweater. I pressed the back of my hand to his forehead. "You know, wizards may be impervious to most Muggle illnesses, but hypothermia is a real thing."

Draco pulled away, scoffing at my sudden switch into Healer-mode. "It's fine. I'm sure you have a remedy for that, don't you?"

I did; a gradual infusion of room temperature blood replenishing potions and reapplication of warming charms on bedrest. "You still need to be cautious," I warned him. "You need to take care of yourself."

After hearing me say that, a shadow fell over Draco's eyes and he suddenly looked very troubled. He silently shifted himself to the edge of the Astronomy balcony, resting his hands on the bannister. I worried that my nagging had upset him, so I quietly joined him along the breezy lookout point, following his eye gaze down to the distant courtyard below.

"Pardon my reaction," he said finally. "I suppose I'm not attuned to having others actually care about my wellbeing in this castle. Before I met you, that is."

Hearing Draco say that was like having an arrow shot into my heart. "But Crabbe and Goyle-"

"No," Draco replied immediately. "I hardly consider them friends. Even when we were children, they gave me their companionship out of obligation to my family name. That's all it's ever been."

I sympathized with Draco; it was difficult to find real friends in this castle, especially when a person's house and lineage carried so much weight here. I could relate to that.

"Pansy cares about you," I pointed out, somewhat sourly.

Draco scoffed. "Pansy is just like the rest of them. She only cares about me because I gave her attention when I was young and impulsive. If I had known her infatuation would persist, I would not have led her on."

"So... you were never interested in her?" I found that hard to believe. Up to this year, Pansy and Draco had been damn near inseparable. Wherever Draco was, Pansy was there too, doting upon him viciously.

Draco cast me a wary look. "Do you really want to discuss her?" he said distastefully.

"I really do." I was curious to hear about what their history was- not because I was jealous in any way, but because I wanted to understand him better.

Draco's jaw stiffened, and he continued clutching the railing of the Astronomy Tower, the wind whipping his blonde hair across his forehead.

"There was a time in my life when I longed for companionship that wasn't borne of obligation. A person needs that, you know, more genuine kind of intimacy. I thought I could find that with Pansy. She was, of course, aware of my family name. But she valued my looks and success more than my lineage. I assumed that was good enough. So eventually, in our 4th year, I stopped resisting her advances. I ended things with her when I knew I would be receiving the Mark." Draco paused, watching my facial expression carefully. He was tense; like he expected me to storm out at any second.

I lightly touched his arm. "May I ask a question?"

Draco nodded, his lips flattened into a stern line.

"Why were you two keeping it a secret? I mean, anyone could tell you and Pansy had something going on. But not even her sister knew the full extent of it."

"Because I broke Pansy's heart. Multiple times over. I would kiss her and then tell her to piss off; I asked her to the Yule ball and then ignored her. She would come running back to me, even if she knew I had shagged other girls," he said plainly. "So was it a secret? No. I believe it was shame, and anger."

His head lowered slightly, voice darkening with regret. "I believe... I was incapable of loving anything other than myself. I do regret treating her so horribly." His hands flexed on the bannister. He paused solemnly, and then uttered, "You probably think I'm a monster."

I blinked. I could see why he thought I would react badly; but I quite honestly had no judgment to pass on him.

"I'm not going to condemn you for wanting love, Draco." I said to him. His eyes went to me, a little shocked and uncertain. "Everyone needs companionship. It's... it's painful, being alone."

As I said those last words, I thought of my own friends- or rather, ex-friends. I hadn't liked them very much in the first place. But they offered me camaraderie, and although it wasn't perfect, they did care about me on a superficial level. And Draco- he also had that superficial friendship with Crabbe and Goyle, which led him to seek human connection in the arms of other women, wanting love that he wasn't able to give in return.

Draco removed his hands from the railing, and reached for me. He tightly held me in his arms, his face lowered to rest in the crook of my shoulder.

"I was alone, until I met you," he said quietly. "You give me everything I could ever need. I wish... I wish I could be alone with you, far away from this castle. Away from everything."

Tears welled in my eyes. For I wished for that, too- I wanted to be in a place with just Draco, with no surface-level Slytherins, no Snape, and no Dark Lord.

You and me, against everyone else.