Mating Habits (Complete)

Lonley

It's strange, I became the hero I wanted, so why do I always feel so alone. 

When I left overseas, I didn't really bother to let much anybody know, maybe I should have told Momo, to her it was probably like one day I just disappeared without a call. I never bothered to wonder how she felt when I came back, until now, now that it's too late. But for some reason even though I know it can't happen, I keep wondering about that happy future with Momo.

I keep picturing it, but not just with her but with Camie and Rumi too. I keep thinking about something that's not there. Something I never could grasp. That's why I invested everything I had into being a hero, but there's still so much leftover, that I can't account for. I could only conclude that it remained for that thing I keep thinking about. Before my vacation, I didn't have to think about it, occupying myself with work.                

And now I'm just sitting here on my couch, staring at the TV as my vacation goes by. All the heroes can save the day without me, I used to think they were going to need me but nobody's called. I should have been enjoying the time I had off but I couldn't. The more I tried the more I realized how alone I was. I saved countless strangers but couldn't save myself from isolation.

It made me think, what was the point of it? I grew up thinking relationships were the precious things but how can they be after all I've done. I don't even think I can properly say that I've even been in a relationship. What can I even say about dates? The ones I've been on were fake for publicity. Where was that anxiety? When I was quirkless my mom told me, I could be happy if I had a family.

It's made me actually think about it, if I stayed quirkless, stayed a nobody. Does it make me a bad person if I think about what would have happened if my wish never coming true? Would I have still been this alone? I honestly don't know. Maybe it's always just came down to me.

Because it honestly feels like nobody knows me. The countless strangers I save can only see me as the image of a true hero with a freckled-smile personality. But that isn't me, it's just who I thought I was supposed to be. It turns out I was someone that was scared of intimacy, I couldn't commit, afraid of someone getting to know me.

But even though I tried there were still those who wanted to be close to me. And even though I didn't realize it, I got close to her.

It was that part of me that was heavy and kept trying to tell me how to see.

And I couldn't believe how blind I was.

I had taken Mandaly's advice about my personal life and didn't ignore it anymore.

I don't want to be so fucking lonely.      

Short introspective chapter as we reach the endgame. Honestly, I was in the middle of writing the upcoming chapter until I heard Justin Bieber's lonely. Regards of what you think of the guy I thought it was such a fitting song for Deku and the situation he is in right now in the story so I just decided to type this up as kinda like a .5 chapter and give some of Izuku's thoughts. Oh and don't worry, trust in the way I'm writing this fic, I know what I'm doing as we get closer to the end. Anyway, this chapter will be the last of my author's note because if you noticed I don't really like to leave A/N when things get more er 'real' Idk I feel like A/N take away from the emersion and suspension of disbelief that and I would rather have my writing speak for itself.

Oh and if you haven't noticed all the chapter titles are songs except the news reporter chapter. But yeah the songs are important to a degree, just thought I would mention it as I won't be able to until the fic is over.   

Anyways hope you've enjoyed so far,

Till the end of the story!