wish you were | sunhak

20 | another's perspective.

I write slowly, my fingers clutching the black pen settled in my hand. I write my thoughts, feelings and ideas. I write my everything.

Every regret in my life feels like a dream, a small bad dream you would wake up from, and go run to your mother's arms to cry all about it.

Yet this one, well, this one feels like a nightmare.

A nightmare that you wake up from, sweating, breathing heavily, and almost on the verge of tears.

Regrets that I make are idiotic and small, they do not affect my life, they give me the air to breathe, and help me grow into a better person that I am trying to be.

But this one, this one has a huge scar on my soul. This one is thought about daily, whenever I get the chance to. The one I'll never seem to forget.

Yet, hopefully one day, I know I'll be able to let go of this regret, and eventually be the person I want to be.

I want to live and love freely without the regret I feel, without the suffering thoughts in the back of my brain.

In the lowest points of my life, I feel like I will never be able to let go of that regret, nor that phase of my life.

It follows me everywhere, wherever I am, whenever the time is, it's there, happily waiting in the dark corner of my brain.

Yes, I do feel regretful, but I feel sorry and apologetic more. What I had done back there was not what I really wanted to do, but I had to. I do know that, I try to remind myself that every day, yet I still feel the regretful emotions that go freely through my body, from my brain and heart.

I have been forgetting it a little these days, but you're with me much more now, I can't help but remember those mistakes I have made.

I want you to leave me alone, but I don't want to regret another mistake of mine, I don't want to hurt you more than i've hurt other people, you poor soul don't even know of what I've done, yet your innocent self wants to stay close to me.

I selfishly want you to stay close as well, but I don't want to hurt you with the unknown truth, and i certainly don't want to hurt you with my absence. So I will stay, as silent as I can be.

But, I know that one day you'll know, and you'll be even more hurt by the fact that I kept it away from you.

But I had to, I really had to, or you would have left me alone the moment your eyes set on me.

I selfishly want you to stay.

Stay with me, please.

So, if I'm ever caught, i'll send you my apologies, and tell you to send my apologies to them as well.

I have done bad stuff, and I acknowledge them.

I put the pen down, and blankly stare at the paper, not knowing how to finish the paragraph to express my feelings, waiting for my words to play around the yellow page and dance with each other.

"Eunji!" My friend taps my shoulder rapidly, "yo earth to Eunji! you there?"

I smile nervously, putting on a mask to hide my true thoughts, "yes, I'm sorry, you were saying?" I close my notebook, and calmly put my pen in my pencil case.

"Yes, so I was thinking..." He continued what he was saying from before, yet my thoughts were too loud that they blocked out his small voice talking.

I think deeply as I stare off to space, all I feel is sorry for my past actions.

I swear I never meant it, and I know if I had the chance I would have never done that.

I am snapped out of my thoughts again when I see a hand waving in front of my face. "Eunji are you okay? You've been acting very weird lately..." He asked me with a worried look on his face when I turned around to face him.

"I'm okay Eric, just a bit distracted, that's all." I smiled at him, while assuring him that everything is okay.

"Did something happen?" He asked worriedly as he put his hand on top of mine.

"Don't worry nothing happened, just a bad nightmare."

"Oh," he took his hand back as I missed his warmth, "don't worry, whatever happened, it's just a dream."

'I wish', I thought silently as I smiled at him, "shall we go back to our work?"

"Yeah let's go."

We worked together and wrote, but the words I included in my writing, still lingered in my mind.

⊱ ──────ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ────── ⊰

―₊˚.༄ a/n: SURPRISE SHAWTYYYYY!!!!!!!!! did y'all like that??? was it nice 🕺 also sorry to the nat that i made your wife cheat on u LOL