She Must Suffer

Chapter 1 My Cries

Tears. I never thought I would see this much tears in one day, and then carry on till morning light. I sometimes question why am I with this man. Why do I even love him, when all he does is just hit me? Tried planning my escape for the past 1,375 days. Because it's been 1,375 days of tears, 1,375 days of being hurt and abused. Feels like a prison. No way out. But the question still remains. How did I even get here in the first place?

I hate waking up in the mornings, because I never know whats going to happen. Am I going to die today........tomorrow.......or was I suppose to be dead yesturday? All these questions I have to ask myself, because im scared, everyday. Sometimes I ask god to just kill me in sleep. I dont want to hurt any more. Im so sick of being the other women. Because when he's not with me, I know he's with her.

"Alena" I hear him call my name. I close my diary, put it in it's hiding place, and run like hell. I quickly get to the kitchen and open the cabinet looking for something to make. I hear his silent footsteps coming towards me."I know you heard me call your name......why are you breathing heavily?" he asks me. I stay quite because im jot sure what to do or say. If I say something I get hit, if I don't I still get hit. Its a lose-lose for me. "I was in the bathroom when you called me. Then I ran in here so I can start making dinner. How was your day, you look tired" I say to fast, for I might regret it later. Joseph was quite for to long. I began to panic. Finally he sign loud enough for me to hear and said "Ok.......whats for dinner" he askes me. Joseph walked to my side and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I start to panic more. He was never like this. Last time I saw this side of him was the day we first day of our marriage.

Maybe today is the day I die. Maybe he's giving me this last memory to die with me. What ever it is, its not him." I was thinking chicken and some mashed potatoes. But we dont have to have that. What do you feel for?" I asked him, in a normal voice as possible. He looked up at me and said "No, chicken and mashed potatoes is find." He paused, looked around."Oh before I forget" he says and smacked me to the floor. I feel my face throbbing. He bent over me and started shaking his head. "Your going learn the hard way if you keep lying to me, you should of just told me what you were really doing. Now.....I want you to clean yourself, I want a good night. A good meal, followed by sweet love making." He pauses again. "And make enough food. Regina is coming over."

Joseph starts walking away."JOE I KNOW DAM WELL YOU DIDN'T INVITE THAT WOMAN YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME!!! I AM YOUR WIFE." I yelled furiously. "Dam well, dam well. Well I did. And I don't care who you are. As long as you got a man, money, a place to sleep, and food to eat. You need no more. I am a man, who has many needs." "Why don't you just kill me already" I whispered, tears are running down my face again. He walks over to me and helps me up. Joseph takes by the hand and breathes heavily. " I don't to kill you. You mean to much. Now im sorry. Go clean up and I'll start dinner. I will call Ragina and tell not to come over. Ok, I love you." He says and kisses me softly on the lips. "Love you too." I lied, or so I thought.