Mirage

Chapter 26

Song for the chapter: Sirens by Cher Lloyd.

‘I carry the weight of you in my heavy heart. And the wind is so icy, I am numb.’

 HARRY’S P.O.V.

The last few minutes are a blur. A complete and utter blur. Her face when I spoke my last words stung the most. It crushed me. Maybe even more that my words wounded her. There’s a hole in my chest, but what’s done, is done. There’s nothing I can do about it now. I just feed her lies, I know. I just thought if maybe I speak lies, then I’ll have to believe it at some point. Some may think it’s crazy or stupid and I know that it is.

For use of a better word, I’m fucking raged. Probably because I actually did that. Or maybe because it took me so long to do it. She’s already under my skin and it’s taking everything in my power not to turn the car around and drive back to the dorm, falling on my knees, asking for her to forgive my sinful soul.

I’m not quite sure what initiated my wrath, but I have a bitter sweet feeling about it. I’m not even sure if what I told her were lies or that’s what I really think. Yes, she does think that everything should go her way. She’s a bit self-righteous. But she’s also prudent. Because she’s well aware, that with me, I’ll do anything for her.

She knows it, I know it, but of course, our actions would differ. I’m afraid of being left alone. I rather be alone knowing that it’s my choice, than to be alone because she left. Though my feelings change, my philosophy never ever would.

Nothing lasts forever. Maybe it does, but just like the definition of size, everyone’s implication of forever is diverse. Just like summer passes, she will too. Sure, the summer days are usually the best, and the days with her will be too. But certainly, there’s a conclusion to summer, just like everything in your life, like your time with her. And when she’s gone, then comes Autumn, the time when everything single thing falls apart. The winter’s cold air is like the taste of her still left on your lips. Taciturn and uncanny. Because although it does awful things to you, you still long for it. But after that, spring comes along, bringing a little more harmony and colour to your life. You may think that it’s getting better but summer is back and she’s under your skin once more. The seasons are the exact reason why I shouldn’t fall in love. Because they all pass by too quickly. It’s better to live in Antarctica where it’s always cold or in the Caribbean where it’s mostly hot than to dwell in her forever changing conditions.

That’s my over analysed theory. It may be fucking shit but that’s what has me going for the last five years or so. Sure, I may not be blissful, but I am content. I choose this. It’s my choice. As I always say, it’s better to select your emotions than someone else decide how you should feel.

I spent the last few hours parked on the side of the street trying to comprehend all of this and what I should really do. I still have to fight the urge not to go back to Leigh-Anne. It’s the same answer though. No. It’s rather late now. About eight or so. I need a distraction from my thoughts. It’s making me overthink and frankly, it hurts like a bitch.

I immediately drive to the frat house. I’m sure I’ll find something to do over there. Even if there isn’t a party tonight, there should be at least more than enough people. Enough to get lost in. Melani is always there. And usually she’s always a great distraction. I know it’s terrible to do that with her. Considering the battle between Leigh-Anne and her just a few hours ago. Leigh-Anne won’t think very highly of me if I do this. But after today I don’t think that she’ll even think of me. Fuck it. Her opinion doesn’t even matter anyways. Not anymore.

Of course, there is a party. The lawn is already crowded. I make my way inside, trying to see if I recognise any familiar faces. Not anyone so far. It’s pretty damn crowded. I honestly haven’t been to one of these in a while. Not since I’ve met Leigh-Anne.