✔️There Will Be Nothing

17^ Tearing Each Other Apart

I wake up to find myself pressed up next to Colin. He must've came in here when I was asleep. I stare at him, wondering if he's really asleep or not. I shrug. It doesn't really matter.
     I get out of bed and slide some clothes on before I leave the room, quietly shutting the door behind me.
     Gavin is passed out on one of Hank's recliners. Hank and Connor are dead on the couch. I look around. Conan is nowhere to be seen.
     I make my way to the front door and open it, peeking my head out.
     Conan sits on Hank's porch, smoking a cigarette. He turns around when he hears me and smiles. "Good morning, Conrad," he murmurs.
     "Good morning, Conan." I shut the door behind me and sit down next to him. "Didn't know you smoked. Can I have one?"
     He raises an eyebrow at me. "I picked up the habit from Gavin. You sure your babysitter won't be mad at you?" he asks bitterly.
     "Coin is not my babysitter," I snap, crossing my arms. "He's just protective. And, I don't care if he's mad. I'll do what I want!"
     Conan laughs lightly, handing me a cigarette. "Let me light it," he offers, reaching over and lighting the cigarette for me.
     "Don't you get addicted to these things? I mean, can Androids even get addicted to things?" I ask, looking up at him.
     "Well, I got addicted to you, so I'm assuming we can." He looks over at me. I blush lightly as he leans closer to me.
     I jerk away. "C-Conan... we shouldn't."
     "But, we can," he urges. He scoots closer to me. "No one has to know."
     "I can't. You know that we can't. I have Colin, and you have Gavin. I can't..." I look away. Guilt washes over me.
     Conan takes my face in his hands, making me look at him. "Conrad, I'm in love with you," he confesses. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, don't leave me, but it's true. I can't keep my mind off of you, Conrad."
     "Wh-What about Gavin?" I ask in a shaky voice.
     "He knows."
     I blink at him.
     "Gavin knows, Hank knows, Connor knows, they all know. Gavin knew since the beginning, but I told them when you guys were gone."
     "Do you still love Gavin?"
     "Of course, I do."
     "And, you love me?"
     "Yep."
     I blink a few times. "I'm so confused, Conan. This is a lot..."
     "I'm... polyamorous. I love all of you the same," he explains. "And, Gavin's ok with it. He says that he's fine with the three of us being together."
     "But, what about Colin?" I whine. "He'll never let me be with you."
     "So, you want to be with me?" he asks excitedly, grinning.
     "Focus, Conan! What about Colin?"
     "I could kill him."
     "No! I still love him! I don't want him to die!" I snap, frowning. "Why is that the first thing you think of?"
     "Ok, ok, I get it." He falls silent, staring down before he meets my eyes. "Colin loves you. I'm sure that he'd be fine with whatever you're fine with. Colin would do anything to keep you happy."
     I put my hand on Conan's hand. "You do realize that this is really hard to just bring up to him, right? And, we're engaged."
     "Yes, yes, I know!" he whines. "But, you guys can still get married. I don't mind." He inches closer to me.
     "Is-Is this really ok?" I ask in a whiny voice.
     "It is," Conan whispers, pressing his lips to mine. I lean into him, kissing him back. I shouldn't. I know, I shouldn't, but I want to. Conan tilts his head to the side and pushes on me, sliding his tongue inside my mouth. I moan softly, pushing him into me. I feel a strange mix of happiness and guilt, but it's ok.
     I push him away as soon as I hear the door open.
     "It's just me. Am I interrupting?" Connor says as he exits the house. He sits on the other side of Conan.
     Conan shakes his head. "No. You're fine," Connor."
     "I'm assuming you told him?" Connor asks.
     Conan brings the cigarette to his mouth. "Duh."
     "How do you feel, Conrad? I hope, it's not bothering you, too much." Connor looks down. "I was surprised, at first, but I always knew that Conan liked you."
     "I'm ok with it, Connor," I say, smiling. "I have to figure out how to tell Colin, but I'm ok with it. I don't know if I'll end up liking this, or even if this will all work out, but I know you, Conan, and I trust you. I'm willing to try it." I press myself against Conan and lean my head on his shoulder. I can only hope that Colin doesn't see us like this before I can get to him.
     "I'm glad that you're keeping an open mind, Conrad," Connor murmurs, standing up. "I'm going back inside. Behave yourselves." He winks, walking back inside and shutting the door.
     Once alone, Conan turns to me. I raise my head, and he presses his lips to mine, kissing me roughly. "I thought, for sure, you'd hate me. At least, I thought you'd say no."
     "Well, before Colin came along, I kind of had feelings for you. But, I just stopped, because you were with Gavin. But, now? It's different. This is all different, and I don't understand it, but it's ok. We can figure it out," I murmur, kissing him.
     "This is a mess, but I'll sort it out, Conrad. I promise."
     "You have to promise me something, Conan."
     "What is it?"
     "You have to stop being so mean to Colin. Stop getting so jealous. I'm, obviously, still in love with him, but there's room in my heart for the both of you. I just want you guys to get along."
Conan nods in agreement. "Ok. I'll be nice to Colin."
"Good. Now, let's go back inside." I stand up, and Conan follows me inside.
Colin stands in the middle of the room, rubbing his eyes. Gavin sits on his phone, lazily scrolling around. Hank and Connor cuddle on the couch.
All of them stare at us as we enter.
"Colin-"
He raises a finger, cutting me off. "Not another word, Conrad. Don't bother explaining. Connor told me everything."
I shoot a look at Connor. "I'm sorry!" I whine, looking away.
"What are you sorry for?" he laughs, hugging me close to his chest. "I'm not mad. We don't choose who we fall in love with, and we don't choose how many people we fall in love with."
I snuggle closer to him. "I still love you, Colin. I do. I don't want to lose you."
"You won't lose me. I'm not going anywhere," he reassures me.
"We have to sort this out!" I whine as I start crying. I don't even know why I'm so emotional. I just woke up, and it's already been a long day. "I don't want to lose any of you!"
Conan reaches out and hugs me, kissing my cheek. "It's ok! You won't lose anyone!" he insists.
"Yeah! It's ok, Conrad! Really, it is," Colin chimes in, wrapping his arms around the both of us. He really is a big guy.
"Promise me, you won't fight over me! Promise me that this won't be a mistake!"
"I promise!" They say at the same time, holding me between them.
I kiss Colin's jawline, sighing softly. "I-I... love you... both of you."
Conan kisses me softly, showering me with love.
Gavin comes over and wiggles his way into the circle. "Don't forget about me..."
"Of course, not." Conan kisses him, too.
"Can we go to your place?" I ask, looking up at Conan.
He nods. "Whenever you're ready."
"I'm ready, now," I murmur, taking Colin's hand out of habit.
Conan pulls away and walks towards the door. "We're off, Connor. Behave yourself," Conan says, opening the door.
"Behave yourselves!" Connor yells after us. "Be careful!"
Conan gets in the driver's side, turning the car on. I climb in the back with Gavin. Colin sits next to Conan, buckling himself in.
"So, I don't know what kinds of music you like, but I turn my music up real loud," Conan begins, handing his phone to Colin. "Feel free to play whatever you want."
Colin spends a few seconds looking around before a song starts playing.
Conan gasps. "Holy shit, I love this song! Turn this shit up!" He reaches over and turns the song way up. The bass sends vibrations through the car as Conan and Colin rap together.
A quick scan tells me that this is "Sidelined," by Chills. I like it. It has a nice rhythm.
I'm content to let Gavin rest his head in my lap as the song plays. Conan and Colin seem like they're in their own little world, and I smile. I'm just happy that they're getting along.
Conan pulls into the parking lot as the song ends. I've been in their apartment, before. I just never stayed long.
I get out, carrying Gavin's sleeping self with me.
"Here." Colin takes him from me, carrying him the same way he would carry me.
I smile up at him, grateful. "Thank you." I lean against him.
Conan leads us inside. It looks the same as the last time I saw it. Colin sets Gavin on their couch, and he wakes up on impact. He sighs softly.
Conan wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my neck softly. "I love you," he whispers. "I'll make you happy."
"You make me plenty happy, already," I reply, pulling away from him to make my way to Colin. "What should we do, now?"
     Colin pulls me down onto the couch. "What do you want to do?"
     "Oh..." I get off of him. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you, Conan."
     He perks up from behind the counter. "Huh?"
     "I need to talk to you." I walk over to him and nudge him with my foot. "In private."
     "Uh... ok. Hold on." He arranges some things, then stands up, grabbing his keys. "We're off, kids. We'll bring back ice cream." He shuts the door behind him. "Watch us come back, and they're fucking, or something."
     "I don't think Colin would do that. Not unless he had my permission, or something." I climb inside. "Where are you taking me?"
     "Well, we have to get ice cream, cause I said we would. I don't know, I want ice cream. But, you said you wanted to talk, so I figured we could just go for a ride while you talk." He pulls out of the parking lot and turns onto the road.
     "Oh, alright. Well, I just wanted to talk about something."
     "Ok. Talk. I'm listening."
     "Well, how is this going to work?"
     "Ok, so, imagine you have two boyfriends. Well, three, if you count Gavin. But, I think you're closer to Colin and I than him," he begins. "It's about trust and communication. You have to be open and honest with us, because things will get fucked and twisted, if you don't. Well, it probably won't be that bad, but still. Just be honest. Don't be afraid to push me away if I make you uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to speak up."
     "Well, I've known you for a long time. I trust you. And, I trust Colin. But, what do you want me to do? How do I make this work?"
     He looks down at me with an amused smile. "You're worrying too much. It's really not that serious, Conrad. Just... ya know, carry on with your life, but you have, like, eight boyfriends. It's fine." He shrugs. "How do you make it work? Be yourself, talk to us, and be honest."
     I nod slowly as he pulls into the drive through of some ice cream place.
     "Now, what do you want?"
     I tell him what I want, then we pull up. Conan pays, we get our ice cream, and we start driving back home.
     "Are you seriously ok with this, Conrad?" He asks, glancing at me.
     I nod. "Yeah, it's fine with me," I answer.
     "Just fine?"
     "Conan," I warn, shooting him a look. "I am fine with this. You know, being with you as well as Colin is fine with me." And, really it is fine with me. I just have to get used to it. But, it's fine.
     "Is there anything else you wanted to get off your mind before we get home?" he asks, making a right turn.
     "No, not really. Oh, wait, yeah, there is something. You said that you'd make me yours as soon as you got rid of Colin." I shoot him a look.
     "Well, I was as drunk as you, last night." He smiles at me. "I didn't mean it. I just wanted you, last night. I was never actually going to hurt Colin." He pulls into the parking lot. "You know, if you leave out the fact that I can't hurt Colin if I wanted to. The man's a goddamn powerhouse."
     I nod slowly before getting out and following Conan back to the apartment.
     "THE FREE PARKING RULE IS BOTH INSUFFICIENT AND UNSANCTIONED!!" Colin screams when we get inside.
     I hurry inside to see Colin standing over Gavin. Monopoly is strewn across the floor. "What the hell?" Conan shuts the door behind him.
     "Fuck Monopoly! That's the stupidest fucking game I've ever seen!" Colin shouts. His face is blue with rage.
     Gavin's just dying on the floor. He lays on his back, laughing his ass off, gasping for air. "He-He was losing! And, he got p-pissed, cause I was winning! You, sore fucking loser!"
"You know what else is going to be sore? Your ass, when I'm done with it!" he threatens, crossing his arms angrily.
I take Colin's ice cream and spoon some towards him. "Calm down, Colin. It's just a game. Have some ice cream."
He looks at me, then huffs before opening his mouth and letting me spoon the ice cream inside. I smile at him as I feed him a few spoonfuls of ice cream. "You don't have to feed me..." he murmurs, condescending himself by letting me feed him more.
"I want to feed you." I kiss his jawline, continuing to feed him. And, he continues to let me feed him, not bothering to fight me. Soon, all of it is gone, and he sighs in satisfaction.
By now, Gavin and Conan have finished cleaning up Monopoly, and they sit on the couch, enjoying their own ice cream.
     I fix my gaze on Conan, watching him closely. He spoons ice cream into his mouth, staring at his phone.
     I get the sudden, insane idea to push him and make him mad. I want to see what he's hiding underneath all those walls. I know what Colin's like. I know what he's capable of, but I want to see what Conan's like.
     But, Colin sits next to him.
     I watch as Conan finishes his ice cream and sets the bowl down. He fixes his gaze on Colin, staring the Android down. Colin meets his gaze, giving him a slight smile. "Are you going to submit yourself to me, or are you going to make things hard?" Conan asks, narrowing his eyes in a challenge.
     "Do you think you can make me submit to you?" Colin asks his own question, shooting a cocky smile at Conan.
     Gavin scoots closer to me. "I'd run, if I were you," he hisses. "Shit's about to hit the roof."
     "I think, I can try." Conan leans closer to Colin, staring into his eyes.
My heart sinks.
They're going to tear each other apart.