✔️There Will Be Nothing

15^ Conan?

"I'm scared..." I whisper, holding onto Colin's hand as the taxi takes us home.
"It'll be fine, Conrad," Colin soothes. "It's not like they'll hate you."
"I know, but... I've changed. We've both changed. What if they don't like the changes?" I look up at him.
He kisses my forehead. "Relax, Conrad. It'll be fine. If they don't like the changes, then that's their fault."
I nod. He's right. I shouldn't be so worried about what other people think.
The taxi drops us off at Hank's house, and we walk up to the door.
Connor bursts through it, embracing me in a hug. "Conrad!" he squeals. "I missed your cute, little face!" He pulls back and looks at Colin. "Colin? Is that you?"
Colin laughs and shrugs. "Who else would it be?"
"Well, come inside!" Connor all but skips inside. I roll my eyes, but I lug my luggage inside.
I raise my head to meet Conan's anxious gaze. "H-Hi... Conrad. Welcome home," he greets me hesitantly.
I remember the last time we had talked. He had told me that I didn't need to accept his apology, but I do accept it. I rush forward and hug him, wrapping my arms tight around his torso. He hugs me back, holding me against his chest.
"Damn, Colin. You look different. It's a good kind of different, but I didn't expect it," Hank compliments him.
"Yeah, I like- wait." I pull away from Conan and watch as Gavin approaches Colin, staring at the place where his LED would've been. "Where's your light thing?"
Connor gasps. "You took it off?!" He runs over to me and grabs my head, critically analyzing the place where my LED resided. "I'm so proud of you, Conrad. I've been waiting for the day when you'd finally take it off. I always knew you would."
I back away from him and return to Colin's side, suddenly intimidated by all of the attention. "Well, I never would've done it if Colin hadn't suggested it. He took it off for me." I reach my hand up to play with Colin's LED.
"You're wearing his LED, aren't you?" Connor asks.
"Of course, I am. I wouldn't wear my own." I make a face like "what do you mean?"
Conan walks forward. Everyone watches as he reaches me. He stands in front of me, completely silent, before reaching for my hand. "Conrad," he begins, staring at the ring that shines on my finger. His face looks pale, terrified. He looks like he's seen a ghost. He looks almost desperate. "I may or may not be jumping to conclusions, and forgive me, if I am, but would you mind explaining this?"
"Oh! Oh," I gasp, not sure where to start.
Conan lets go of my hand. He makes a weird facial expression, like he's desperately hoping I won't say what I'm saying. I... don't know why he's acting like this.
"I... Colin... Colin and I are engaged. He's my fiancé," I explain, flushing.
Colin takes my hand in his and brings it up to his face, placing a gentle kiss on it.
     Conan visibly winces, then swallows and plasters a painfully fake smile on his face.
"Conrad," Connor says, real serious. "I am so fucking proud of you."
I smile at his words. "Th-Thank you, Connor."
Conan smiles at me. "Goddamn, I must be getting old if you're getting married. You're the last person I expected to get married."
"Shut up!" I laugh, grinning from ear-to-ear.
Conan suddenly gasps aloud as he stares at Colin. "H-Holy shit, it's you!" He stares with wide eyes, but I see something in those eyes. "I-I thought, you were familiar! This whole time, I-It's always been you!" Conan rushes forward and hugs him. "For the longest time, I struggled to remember where I knew you from! But, now I know: you're the one that deviated me. You saved me from myself." Conan hugs him tighter. "Thank you..." He's lying. He knew all about it.
Colin hugs him back. "Of course. I'd do it hundreds of times over again."
I open my arms and hug both of them, snuggling up to their warm bodies. "Group hug," I sing. I quickly decide to not bring up anything. I'll keep it to myself.
Gavin hugs Conan from behind, and Connor and Hank join in. It's all one big horde of people hugging, but these people are my family. I love these people. I couldn't be happier.
Connor pulls away first, and we all separate. But, I continue to hold Colin, not wanting to be apart from him.
"I have a bad idea," Conan begins, smiling at me with that fake smile. I know that whatever he says will have something to do with me or Colin, in some way, at least.
     Connor groans, and Hank kisses his forehead.
     "We should celebrate. But, we should get drunk and celebrate. Isn't that fun? Huh?" He looks around, searching for approval.
     I raise my eyebrow at him, then I nod. "Yeah, me and Colin went bar hopping, then skinny dipping when we were drunk. It was good, so why not?"
     "What the hell?" Conan whines. "That sounds so fun! I was stuck with Gavin's stupid ass, and it was boring." His eyes blaze with a jealous anger, and, for a second, I'm scared he might charge Colin and kill him here.
     After all, Colin said it himself: Conan could kill him.
     Gavin looks up at him, frowning as he crosses his arms. "Oh, boring, huh? You didn't seem to think I was very boring when I let you gag me and tie me to the-"
     Conan slaps his hand over Gavin's mouth. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry! You're not boring! We don't need to tell them that stuff!"
     I snort at Conan and Gavin. "It was fun. It was really fun." I hold Colin tighter.
     "Did you, like, fuck in the ocean?" Connor asks with concern.
     "Why do you want to know?" I laugh, shaking my head. "But, no, we didn't fuck. It wasn't sexual, at all. It was just... nice. Nice and romantic. I don't know..." I trail away, pressing my face to Colin's chest in embarrassment.
     Colin kisses the top of my head. He's been quiet. I wonder if he's ok.
     Conan grabs Gavin by the hand. "C'mon, baby, we're going to buy a shit ton of beer and we're going to drink all of it. All of us. And, it's going to be great! Let's go."
I don't watch them leave. I look up at Colin. "I want to talk to you. In private," I whisper, taking his hand and leading him to my room.
"What do you need, Conrad?" He sits on the edge of my bed with an easygoing smile.
     I sit down next to him, folding my hands in my lap. "Are you ok?"
     "Of course. I'm perfectly fine. Why?"
     "Conan's acting weird."
     "I know. I know, he's acting weird. He lied when he said that stuff, earlier. I know that he knew. I know it." Colin crosses his legs on the bed.
     "I know, I know. He looks so jealous when he looks at us. Does he like me?" I ask no one.
I train my gaze at the floor. "What if that's what this is all about? Ever since we got together, he's hated you. Absolutely hated you. Remember when you were telling me the story of how we first met? At the bar?"
     "Yes. Why?"
     "Remember when you told me about our actual first kiss, and Conan walked in on us?"
     Colin seems to know where I'm going. His eyes widen in realization. "He likes you, Conrad." I've never heard Colin sound so defeated.
     "What about Gavin?"
     "I don't know. That's why he looked so angry and bitter. That's why he hated me, after that. That's why he tried to kill me."
     "What?" I look up at him, frowning. "What do you mean?"
     "He tried to kill me, after that. He almost succeeded, too. But, I managed to throw him off." Colin stares at the floor, remembering things he'd rather forget. "That's why he hates me. We've always had this unspoken rivalry on who would get you. Always. I remember when I lost you. I thought that I lost you to him. I thought that he was with you. Why didn't he make his move? I know, he wanted you."
     "I-I guess, he just fell in love with Gavin?" I suggest, not wanting to meet his eyes.
     "Maybe. Or, maybe, he's polyamorous. Maybe, he loves you both with the same intensity." Colin puts his chin in his hand. "But, we're engaged, Conrad...." He blinks a few times.
     "I know! I want to marry you!" I cry, pulling myself into his lap.
     "I know. I want to marry you, too. But, we can't have Conan breathing down our backs forever, Conrad. You have to make a choice."
I stare at him with intense, brown eyes. "I've made my choice when I said yes." I kiss him, rubbing his lips over mine. He moans softly as I kiss him, pushing him into me.
He pulls away. "Conr-mmm!" I kiss him, again, cutting him off. He pushes me away, a little more forcefully. "We're not alone," he hisses.
Immediately, I blush and turn around, staring at Conan's bewildered face. And, it had to be Conan. There's something in his eyes that I can't quite see. He looks... jealous? He smiles. "I'm not sorry for intruding. But, there's beer, so let's get wasted," he invites, leaving the room. He didn't even shut the door. I shake my head. No. Conan can't be jealous. That doesn't make sense. I must've just seen it wrong. But, it makes perfect sense.
"Asshole," I mutter.
Colin kisses my cheek. "Are you up for a few drinks?"
I nod. "Why not?" He picks me up and carries me to the living room, and I don't even care. I like being held by him.
"So, who do you think is the bottomest bottom?" Conan inquires from his position on one of Hank's recliners. Gavin sits in his lap, looking extremely pleased as Conan pets him. Is he already drunk? He has a bottle of blue liquid, which I assume is what they would call "Android beer," or the same stuff me and Colin had. He drinks from it like it's the only thing keeping him alive.
Hank looks from me, to Gavin, to Connor, and back again. "Well, Gavin looks like he'll kill you, and he will kill you. Connor doesn't look like he'll kill you, but he will. And, Conrad?" Hank grimaces. "God, Conrad wouldn't hurt a fly. He'd run away from it and make Connor kill it."
"Hey!" I protest from where I sit in Colin's arms. "I would not run away from it!"
"Says the one that's being held by his fiancé," Conan sneers, causing Hank and Connor to chuckle. There's a note of aggression that no one seems to hear but me.
"What about Gavin? He's sitting on your lap!"
"Because, I'm petting him. He's been good, today. He deserves pets. Don't you, Gav Gav?" he asks in that cringey, baby voice.
"Yes, Sir. I've been good, today." Gavin takes a drink of his beer.
Colin sets me down. "'Gav Gav?' What the fuck?" I take a beer bottle and open it.
Conan and Gavin start hurling swears and curses at me, speaking at the same time. I don't understand a thing they say, but they sound angry. They stop speaking at the same time, then they huff and look away.
I take a tentative sip of my beer. It tastes ok, so I drink a little more.
"Hey, hey, relax." Colin pulls the bottle away from my mouth. "Not too much of that, you hear? I don't want you killing yourself." He takes a bottle of his own and pops the cap off before bringing it to his mouth and chugging it.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Conan's eyes narrow, glaring a hole through Colin's back. "What? You can drink half a bottle in one gulp, and I can't take one sip?" I protest. "Does everyone think I'm incapable of taking care of myself?!"
"That's not what I meant, baby," Colin soothes. "Just be careful how much you drink, ok? I just want to make sure you're safe." He pulls me into his lap and kisses me. I can taste the alcohol on his lips.
"Chug it, Conrad," Conan demands. His voice is cold, unfeeling. It scares me.
When I look back at him, he's staring at me with the bottle to his lips. His eyes hold something that I can't explain, but I don't feel safe. I glare at him, adjusting my grip on the bottle.
"Conrad, don't," Colin warns. "No! Don't you dare."
"Do it. You won't," Conan taunts. "Are you really going to let him control you? Do. It."
Connor and Hank smile in amusement from where they sit, wrapped in each other's arms. Do they not see how aggressive Conan is being? Or, do they not care?
I meet Conan's challenging gaze with my own, then I bring the bottle to my lips.
"Conrad, I will spank you if you do it," Colin warns.
     Conan's eyes harden, and he looks ready to leap at Colin. "DO IT!" he demands.
I like being spanked, anyway, so I tip my head back and start chugging. I just want Conan to stop being like this.
"Holy shit!" Conan laughs, leaning forward. "Yeaahhh!!" he cheers. "Go, Conrad! Chug it!" he encourages. Gavin chimes in, and their voices mix together in encouragement.
The more I drink, the more sick I feel. But, I can't stop. If I stop, now, Conan will never let me hear the end of it. So, I keep chugging. It gets harder and harder to swallow as I keep going. I feel the bottle getting lighter and lighter, and I comfort myself knowing that it'll be over, soon.
Eventually, it's over. I actually just drank the whole bottle. I let my arm drop, and the bottle falls out of my hand, hitting the floor with a dull thud. I stare at the ceiling, just breathing, struggling to keep my alcohol down.
"Conrad?" Colin rubs my throat, soothing me with his hand.
"Oh, my god, I killed him," Conan laughs, opening his second bottle.
"Conan, he doesn't look good..." Gavin murmurs worriedly.
"Yeah..." Conan agrees, grimacing. "Uh.. you alright, over there, Conrad?"
I close my open mouth and blink a few times before lowering my head. "I'm.. fine," I slur. My heart is pounding. I feel full of alcohol, and I don't think I like it.
     "That's enough, for now," Colin says firmly.
     "But-"
     "No!" Colin snaps. "You can have more, later. Give yourself time to get it down, Conrad." He kisses my cheek.
     "Ok, Colin," I agree mindlessly. I feel like everything is slower than it should be.
     I slide off of Colin's lap and stand up. I sway a bit, but I start stumbling over to Connor. He looks up at me as I fall on top of him and Hank. "I never tell you how much I love you," I whisper, hugging him.
     "Oh, umm... I love you, too, Conrad," Connor replies uncomfortably, but he hugs me back. Hank wraps his arms around Connor, effectively sandwiching me in between them.
     I whimper as I feel the sensation of bodies on either side of me. I look up at Connor and bite my lip. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but it's not a good idea. I sloppily throw myself forward, pressing my face to his neck.
     "Colin!! Get him!" Connor whines, pushing me away.
     Immediately, I'm being picked up, like I weigh nothing. Colin carries me over to one of Hank's recliners and drops me on it. "You're really hurting me, Conrad," he huffs.
     "If you're not gonna fuck me, then get away!" I whine selfishly.
     "What are you even on about?" Colin scoffs. "You're drunk, Conrad. I don't want to hear another word out of you." He puts his hands on his hips.
     I groan loudly, slouching like a bitch. "I have spoken. I don't care who it is. I want someone to fuck me, then I wanna go to bed," I demand, pushing Colin with my foot.
     "Conrad..." he huffs.
     "Please, Colin!" I beg. "Please, it's a bad idea, but I need to feel someone inside of me. I just-I just need it. I need it. I want it so bad. Look!" I spread my legs for him to see. "I'm hard!"
     "For the love of god," Conan snarls, pushing Colin out of the way. "If I fuck you, will you shut the hell up? Will you be happy, if I fuck you?!" He grabs my arm, and I whine. Conan's eyes burn. I can feel myself being scorched up in those eyes.
I swallow.
I'm scared.