✔️There Will Be Nothing

16^ How Did I End Up Like This?

"Hey!" Colin pushes him away from me. "Hands off of him!"
     I watch as Conan throws a punch, and Colin catches it effortlessly. Then, they're on the floor, beating each other up.
     I watch for a few seconds before sliding off of the couch and falling on top of them. "Stop!" I cry out, holding them apart.
     Conan holds my shoulders.
     "Don't touch him!" Colin bristles, grabbing my arms and pulling me forward.
     Gavin falls on top of Conan, equally as drunk as the three of us. "Conan..." he whines.
     Conan grabs onto Gavin, holding him close. "Let's have a foursome. Right here, right now. And, let's use Conrad."
     Connor walks over and sits down, cross-legged. "I can't believe I'm doing this, but..." he blushes softly and looks away.
     Conan pulls him closer and kisses him, moaning against his lips. Out of all of us, Conan is probably the most assertive top. He's the toppest top.
     Connor pulls away, and his face is a deeper shade of blue. Hank wraps his thick arms around Connor, silently asserting himself.
     I sit still, looking around at the men circling me. I know, they're all going to have their way with me, and that makes me feel good. I'm being useful. I've only ever wanted to be useful.
     "Do we have your permission, Colin? You're his top," Conan asks, crossing his arms impatiently.
     "Yeah. You have my permission." Colin pulls my shirt off and kisses my chest.
     Conan takes that as his cue, and he presses his lips to my neck, sucking and biting at it. He takes Gavin's arm and pulls him closer. "Here, Gav. You can do what you want."
     Gavin places his hand on my stomach, leaning in to lick at it.
     I moan out at the sensation of warm tongues on me. "Fuck!" I cry, grabbing Colin's head. I bring it up to my face so I can kiss him. Even though all of this is happening, Colin is still mine.
     Colin pushes me down, taking control as he pulls the rest of my clothes off.
     Then, Conan's all over me. "I've always thought about what you would look like without clothes on, but I never imagined this. This is beautiful, baby," he whispers.
     I shiver at his praise. I can't tell if Conan's just drunk or if he actually means it. He stares down at my body hungrily, and he's the first to take my cock in his hand.
     He leans down and starts whispering in my ear. "You're mine, tonight, Conrad. I can't get rid of Colin, yet, but I will. When I do, you'll be mine."
     I freeze at his words.
     No.
     He doesn't mean that.
     Does Conan actually like me?
     No. He can't! He has Gavin! Oh, god, does he really like me?!
     I stare up at his hungry eyes. He doesn't look drunk, at all. He looks genuine.
     I should make him leave. I should make this stop, but I can't.
     He bites down on my neck, and I cry out.
     "You're hurting him!" Colin snaps, pushing Conan away.
     "I'll do what I want! You don't control me!" he roars, pushing Colin back.
     Colin doesn't push him back or yell at him. He just takes it.
     "Look at me, baby." Conan takes my face in his hands. I tremble beneath him. "Don't be scared. I won't hurt you." He starts taking his clothes off, and so does Gavin. Colin strips, too, and it's like a domino effect.
     I feel extremely intimidated by what I see. Everyone has bodies that are better than mine. They all look like they could crush me. And, their dicks are all so much bigger than mine. Better than mine. I start crying out for Colin, wanting to be in familiar arms.
     He takes me in his arms and holds me, shushing me. "You don't have to do this," he begins. "All is this can stop whenever you want it to."
     I shake my head in declination. "I'm just intimidated."
     Conan crawls up to me. My eyes are immediately drawn to his throbbing erection. He looks like he could spear my insides if I'm not careful. "Hey, hey, it's ok," he soothes. "None of us want to hurt you." He places his hands on my thighs. "Am I allowed to touch you?"
     I nod.
     He reaches forward and grabs my cock, giving it a light squeeze. "It's bigger than I thought it'd be..." he murmurs.
   I moan softly, and he looks up at me.
     "You like that?"
     I nod. "Y-Yes..."
     He hums thoughtfully as he strokes me.
     Colin kisses my cheek, seeming content to let Conan touch me.
     "Conrad?"
     "Y-Yes...?"
     He looks up at me with a desperation I didn't know he had. "Can I fuck you?"
     I don't know what to say to that. I want to say yes, but I don't want Colin to feel left out. So, I have to compromise. "Yes, but I want Colin to fuck me, too. Both of you, at the same time."
     Conan looks disappointed, but he nods in acceptance of my terms. He removes his hand and strokes himself with it. "What are we waiting for?"
     Gavin hugs Conan from behind. "Can I fuck his mouth?" he asks, staring at Conan with nothing but adoration.
     "As long as it's ok with Conrad, sweetie. We don't want to hurt him." Conan kisses his cheek.
     Gavin moves over to me, and I nod, giving him approval.
     It's kind of difficult how we have to do this. Colin sits down and leans back, and Conan guides me so I'm sitting just in front of his dick. Then, he sits behind me. I can feel his hardened cock rubbing against me.
     Gavin stands over Colin's head, grabbing his cock and giving it a few strokes.
     Connor presses himself against Conan's back. "I'm going to fuck you, Conan. Is that ok?"
     "Sure, but I've never actually been fucked before." He looks back at Connor.
     Connor kisses his forehead. "There's a first for everything."
     Hank presses himself against Colin, and he shivers. "Ok. Alright. This is ok," he says, leaning back into Hank. "Be careful with me, babe," he murmurs. "I'm tight, back there. And, you have a fucking monster of a cock."
     I feel Conan's tip pushing up against me. "Are you ready?"
     I nod. "Let's do this," I say more confidently than I actually feel.
     Conan pushes into me, forcing his way inside. I cry out in pain at the feeling of him, but he mewls in pleasure. "It's so much better than I thought it would feel!" he squeaks, pushing inside of me with an extremely pleasured expression. He looks like he's having the time of his life fucking me.
     Then, Colin's pushing inside of me, stretching me as wide as I've ever been stretched. I scream out, slurring my words together as the pain sears through my body. I tremble with it, clenching and unclenching my fists, digging my nails into Colin's stomach.
     "You can take it, baby," Conan murmurs in my ear, holding my hips in his sturdy hands. I'm not at all used to his body, and every touch is foreign, unfamiliar. "I promise, you can take it."
     I open my mouth with the intention to scream, but all that comes out is a weak, gurgling whine that vibrates in the back of my throat.
     Conan starts moving in and out, lifting me up so I can move on Colin's dick, too. I immediately start screaming and crying out in pain, sobbing at the sheer amount of pain coming from them. "Shh, you can take it!" he keeps murmuring, convincing me into thinking that I can take it. "Is it too much? Should I pull out?"
     I think about that for a moment before I shake my head. I don't want him to pull out. I want them inside of me.
     "Ok..." he takes a deep, shaky breath. "Connor, I'm ready." I can hear him gasp as Connor slides inside of him, then he moans. "Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he swears, curling his fingers tighter around me.
     "Hank... D-Do it..." Colin murmurs with a wavering voice. After a few seconds, he screams, loud and blood-curdling as Hank pushes inside of him. He breathes heavily, gasping as he sucks on air. "It's too b-big!" he whines. His chest rises and falls rapidly.
     Conan juts into me, making me gasp in pain. I really can't take this. But, he keeps going, pushing me up and down with each thrust.
     Hank and Connor start moving, and Colin and Conan moan aloud. They're both a fucking mess.
     But, so am I.
     I take Gavin in my mouth and let him fuck me, shoving himself down my throat. Tears roll down my face. I can barely take this. It's almost too much.
     Conan takes my face in his hands, pulling me away from Gavin and kissing me, tilting his head to deepen the kiss while I use my hand to jerk off Gavin. Conan's kiss is passionate and rough, full of love and longing. I pull away, staring into his eyes as he fucks me. I swallow, suddenly feeling guilty. "Hey," Conan whispers in a wavering voice. "It's ok. I love you, Conrad. I really love you."
     I moan softly and kiss him deeply, shoving my tongue into his mouth. He kisses me back, embracing my show of affection.
     Colin cries out as Hank cums in him, pulling out and collapsing.
     Conan pulls away, curling his fingers deeper into me as Connor cums in him. "Fuck..." he squeaks. "Oh, that felt good, Connor," he laughs airily.
     "Good." Connor crawls over to Hank and falls on top of him.
     Now, it's my turn. I bring my hand down to stroke myself as I turn back to Gavin, taking him in my mouth, again.
     Colin's the first to cum in me, then Conan follows him, releasing inside of me.
     I throw my head back, causing Gavin to cum in my mouth. I feel so full of cum. Too full of cum. I feel dirty with it as I swallow Gavin's seed. It tastes different from Colin's.
     Gavin pulls himself away from me, dripping cum as he goes.
     I feel so, so dirty as Conan pulls out of me. He lifts me up off of Colin, setting me down beside him. "Are you ok, Conrad?"
     "I feel dirty..." I confess, drawing away from him.
     Conan takes my face in his hands, staring at me with longing. "It's ok, Conrad. We're all dirty."
     I whine in protest, not wanting him to kiss me or touch me, anymore.
     Colin senses my discomfort and pulls me away from him, setting me in his lap. "That's enough," he states, holding my hands in his.
     Conan glares at him, but shakes his head when he sees my pleading face. "Fine..." he murmurs. "Whatever you say, Colin."
     Gavin tries to rub up on him, but he pushes him away. "I'm not in the mood, Gavin." Gavin draws away, looking hurt.
     "Come on, guys," Connor murmurs from where he lays on the floor. "Let's sleep. We all need it..." Connor looks just as guilty as I feel.
     We all should feel guilty. Looking at everyone's faces, I see regret, guilt, and, in Conan's case, even jealousy. But, why would Conan be jealous? He's not even with me. He has Gavin.
     Unless...
     I shake my head, not allowing myself to explore that line of thought. I stand up and make my way to my room.
    Colin starts to follow me, but I stop him in his tracks. "I'm going to bed," I murmur. "I... I just really need to be alone, right now." I shut the door behind me, blocking everyone out.
     I collapse in my bed, staring up at the ceiling.
     Why is Conan so jealous of Colin? The obvious answer would be that he likes me, but I don't think so. I don't want to believe that. Maybe, he's jealous of Colin's strength? But, that doesn't make sense. Conan never really cared about Colin until we got together. He never cared until he saw us together.
     Now that I think about it, Conan's always been prickly when Colin and I did anything near him. He's always been bitter and jealous when Colin touches me, talks to me, does anything with or to me. And, his face when he brought up my ring says it all. I've never seen Conan look so... desperate. Desperate for me to say no, for me to say that it was nothing serious. But, it is serious. I'm engaged to Colin.
Conan's always had a crush on me. He's always liked me.
And, I never noticed.
I blink up at my ceiling.
How did I end up like this?