Todobaku Oneshot Book (Aka My Insanity)

The Years I Loved You Most

Warning: aNgst!!

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Dear Katsuki,

If your reading this, it means that I'm...

Yeah. You know the word, but saying it feels too real.

So, I'm not sure what I was gonna write when I pulled out this pen and paper today, but I might as well tell you what I want to before I loose my chance.

I suppose I'll start at the beginning..

You are like the spring that came to melt my winter and you hold my in your colourful warmth of flowers.

The words I'd tell anyone who asks me to describe what I feel about you no matter how cheesy it sounds.

At first you were so, so unfamiliar. A force that was free, and a force that was so unlike me to the point that I was wary of you at the start. You'd shout so loudly and bristle at the tiniest things uttered out of anyone's mouth.

Your pride was like a gold chain around your neck, be it a gift or a curse that stuck with you more than super glue.

I thought, "This guy is so obnoxious."

So obnoxious that I wanted to hit you, but so obnoxious that I realised hitting would only make you more obnoxious. A strange land mine I constructed in my head.

It's a little funny actually. Watching you slowly get annoyed when I'd give you a blank stare and seeing how weirded out you'd become through out those few moments.

Now you know that in those moments, I wanted to hit you.

I laugh when I think about it. I'm laughing as I write this, actually.

Remember that at the time, our tolerance of one another was insanely low? I find it hard to believe that we're dating now, but at the same time I don't find it hard because, I was there to watch the whole thing unfold in first person, with you.

But before then, watching one another in the eye was a death wish. We stood on two different sides of the earth and were polar opposites like black and white.

Or so I thought.

But life likes to send us unexpected tsunami waves sometimes, just like how there are always grey areas in the black and white of.. well everything.

Unexpected tsunami waves that cause us to fail our liscense exam with flying colours.

And somehow, you and I both had to go to the extra classes together. I have no clue what Aizawa or All Might was thinking, but it all worked out in the end. Not that this was what our teachers thought would happen when they said to get along.

That's where I had to see you more than before and talk to you more than before and tolerate you more than before. So many "more than befores".

The walks were fun, although at first they were scarily uneventful when you wouldn't respond my curious questions.

But, after a while, you gave in though.

That's when we started to learn more about one another. Like how your love for spicy foods can get you bribed easily, or the way you crack your knuckles when your shy, and even how mellow your nicknames become when your fond of someone. (Unless it's too far gone. Rip Kirishima)

The way you smirk when your trying to cover up an actual smile (It doesn't work) and how you bite your nails when your deep in thought.

I just love how your eyes glisten like saphire. Embers burning with determination

I remember when it started with you saying "Walk behind me, half and half" to you saying, "Why are you walking so slow you stupid candy cane?"

I've learnt so much about you and you even help me learn more about myself.

I have no idea if you've realised it yet.

That it even affected how we behaved in class.

Like I'd ignore your taunts just to rile you up, and then try to get back at you with my own, what was the word? Roasts? I can't remember.

But it would happen so frequently, to the point where Kaminari of all people woukd tell me to shut up and that my roasts sucked.

I told him that he was the one who gave me those "roasts."

Ashido lost it.

I can never forget the way your face morphed into a dopey smile that day and even now, I still don't get what was so funny.

I liked when you started making extra servings of food and you'd rest a plate in front of me, saying nothing because the blush on your face would say it all.

And the day you aplogized to Izuku after so many failed attempts at making it up to him.

I was so proud of you.

And how you cried when we went to your room, saying you were so happy you that you had a second chance.

I had all my first with you and honestly I've never been more proud of that fact.

I'll miss carressing your hair, and singing to you in the night and you holding me while I cry.

I'll miss eating ice cream like idiots in the winter, drinking hot cocoa in the summer and painting our nails just for the sake of it.

How I feel like I've taken things for granted sometimes. It eats at me all the time when I see the darkening circles around your eyes and how much you've stopped eating from worrying about me.

You hardly smile anymore, love.

I'm sorry..

It's a pity, that I this may be the last time I write to you. The last time I write of you. The last time of think of you, because before long, the time will come for me to go back to that hospital.

Who would've thought that cancer would be a problem in the prime of my life? When I was finally feeling hapoier about myself and everyone around me?

But, it's okay. Even if I'm scared of leaving you. Even if I'm scared of how you'll feel with me leaving you.

I'm sorry, I couldn't stay longer. I thought I had all the time in the world to wheather with you, but here I am on my death bed writing my last goodbye to my one and only lover.

Katsuki.. I'm scared.

I'm not ready to go anywhere yet, but I have no control over that..now do I?

But, I'm okay.

I have you and all I wanted to say was that I'm thankful to you and what you've given me... and that I hope that I've given you something too.

Guess, this is my first time saying good bye too, huh.

I'm sorry, and I love you.

Even if I'm not here to walk with you anymore, I hope that you'll be able to smile again. One day. One day, without me, and that someone else can still the winter in your heart.

Take care, will you?

Love, Shouto.

***

So uh. The title is inspired by the name of a bl "The Ten Years I've Loved you Most."

I actually never read it. I wouldn't be able to survive the angst yall. I'm a crybaby.

Oh, and the anime "Given." But only a little-

And any todobaku request, by chance???