•one shot including Hotch needing to help Jack that is now (13) with his essay on wanting to become a profiler when he grows up.
After a long Saturday of cleaning out the house to get ready to move Hotch and Jack are worn out. "Hey bud pizza sound good?" He asks Jack who's sitting on the couch "sure, no sausage though" he adds getting up to grab a coke from the now mostly empty fridge. While Hotch is ordering the pizza Jack remembers he needs to ask his dad a question before school on Monday.
Walking into the kitchen and also getting a coke from the fridge "so are you ready for school Monday?" He asks opening the cold can of carbonated sugar leaning back onto the countertops, Jack hesitates for a moment gathering the courage to ask his dad something that has been been burdening him since the middle of summer. "Yeah I guess so..." Hotch nods in agreement still thinking about asking Morgan if he can help on Tuesday.
Pausing a moment he takes a deep breath to continue "hey dad can I ask you something?" Looking up and furrowing his thick dark brows Hotch answers "of course, is everything alright?" Slightly concerned about how his son is acting. "Okay, so I have this assignment due Monday my English teacher assigned it over the summer, it's an essay I have to write about what I want to be when I grow up... and I want you to just like look over it, and make sure it's like.... good". Jack answers head down looking at his feet, leaning against the counter across the kitchen from his dad. In the past year he has grown several inches, but still shorter than his dad.
Surprised that this is what has been bothering Jack, he exhales a light breath of relief "yes I can look at your paper, what do want to do want to be when you grow up?" He looks down at his beautiful dirty blonde headed boy. "I want to be like you... in the FBI chasing bad guys." Jack looks up to his dads eyes, to see so many emotions.
Hotch feels too many things ranging from overweening proud and joy that his son looks up to him also heartbreak and trauma of Jack putting his life in danger everyday. This triggers a traumatic flashback.
FLASHBACK
(Before Jack was born)
POV Hotch
"I love you" I purr into her shoulder after making love with my beautiful wife. "I love you more" she whispers into my damp hair. Her hand tracing small patterns into my sweaty back.
I lay there with the love of my life, not a care in the world, I bask in the rays of Haley's beauty, love and passion.
Almost drifting off to sleep my phone goes off "fuck" I exhale into her neck. "It's fine, go." She says pulling away from me. Looking up to gaze into her glistening eyes for one more moment
"I'm sorry, really-"
she pushes her finger to silence my useless apology "it's work, I understand Aaron you don't have to apologize". "I do have to apologize, I'm sorry. But I have to go" I start to get up from the bed and get dressed, grabbing a pair of clean boxers to slip on "and Aaron-" I turn to look at her spread out on our messy bedsheets no clothing "be careful....dad....dad..."
End of Flashback
"Dad?" Jack snaps Hotch out of a flashback. "Humph, yes Jack?" He calls out burying that sad memory deep into his subconscious. "I know it makes you sad, but I want to stop the bad guys just like you."
"I know you do bud, and I'm not sad.... I just want you to be safe. I can't be here with you forever. What would I do if I lost you..too." Hotch feels a salty tear threatening to fall out of his dark expressive eyes. A ping of grief fills the air, the house feels cold and unwelcoming. He musters all of his strength to not let the tear fall, not just because he doesn't want to cry, but because he has worked hard on suppressing all of the melancholy.
The same house Hotch has never left because it holds to many memories of his late wife, every time he passes a picture of Jack on the wall he remembers back to the exact day he and Haley put the picture up. He knew he should have left the house behind a long time ago but he couldn't bring himself to leave the only other thing than Jack behind that Haley had.
"I know you miss her" Jack steps forward closer to his dad. Hotch wants to say something but couldn't get the words "I miss her everyday" out of his mouth. He knows he's "over" losing Haley according to Dave and Emily which he still keeps in contact with, but you can never truly get over losing someone you love. It's like a piece of him died, the color in his world more muted. Hotch secretly went to a shrink, hitting a low point after "retiring" from the FBI.
I didn't fucking "retire". The bureau wanted me out of their hands. I just said the reason I'm leaving is to raise Jack, which was partly true but I could've stayed.
But Haley would have wanted me to leave and at least let Jack grow up with one of his parents around. Fuck. Haley you made things so complicated.
Why didn't you understand me, my passion, my job. God, I miss you so much.
Everyday I wake up wishing I could kiss your forehead.
Make dinner and let Jack sit on the couch with us to watch Homeward Bound, even though he wasn't supposed to.
To see Jack hug you after winning a soccer game on Saturdays.
Make love to you, and say
"I love you".
"Dad the pizzas here" Jack notifies his spaced out dad. Shaking his head, and waltzing over to the door "who's ready for pizza?!"
Hope you liked that cute/sad one shot. Comment more ideas 💡!!!
